Why did you decide to come out?

[Beertruck]

Well, yes, okay, you decided to come out because you weren't entirely straight, but what was the impetus? What flicked the switch in your head that made you want to tell people? Or what forced your hand?

In my case, it was seeing a college friend of mine slowly come out, and seeing our mutual group of friends talk about it and be totally okay with it... which was a big surprise for me. We all graduated and I resolved to come out once I was out from under my very-Catholic parents' roof. Of course, the economy being awful, I waited like six months to the day after my next birthday. Despite still living with my parents, I didn't want to go another year without coming out and told a friend.

So, in summary - a friend came out and I got sick of waiting. What about you guys?

[RaeofLite]

I wanted to quit hiding who I was from my family, friends and the world. It's draining of time and energy to do so when most heterosexual people walk around being themselves naturally.

It's also easier to date if you're interested in the same sex because you don't have to "hide" or sneak around as if you're teenagers (and even they don't have to sneak around as much as closeted people). And you can also find out who your real friends are, for the ones that are homophobic will clear out really quickly, unless they leave for a bit and realize their mistake and come back to you.

It was a part of self-acceptance as well. I wasn't homophobic towards others but I had a lot of self homophobia in that I had self hatred and anger towards myself for being gay and not being happy in straight relationships.

It clears your conscience and you can be healthier towards yourself and others as well if you're not angry and hiding all the time.

[Kidd]

It was around Christmas, like four or five years ago or something like that, and I was spending a lot of time with family. I was really depressed because I knew I was living a lie and it just sort of dawned on me that none of them really knew who I was, and then I sort of realized that I would never be happy that way, and so I came out. Somewhere during that time I felt like if I didn't come out, I would die alone and unloved. My brother had just came out to my mom too, and I knew he was getting a lot of flack for it, and I felt like a total hypocrite being closeted when he was out. So it was a pretty easy decision for me to make.

[Raeil]

I went in two major stages (longish post):

1) I managed to convince myself I liked a girl enough to ask her out. A week after I asked, she said no, and I instantly understood why (as far as incompatibility and non-similar interests). Then I had a conversation with myself:
"Why did I do that? Why didn't I notice that we really had NOTHING in common aside from an interest in some similar books? Why did I spend three weeks falling into this odd non-love?"
A part of myself whispered in the corner of my mind, "Because you're gay and you don't want to be."
My response was "No, I'm most certainly not gay! Just because I've struggled with that sin doesn't mean I accept it."
"And would you look at how far that non-acceptance has gotten you. You would have really hurt her if you had gone out, because eventually your sexuality would express itself, and you'd have to break up with her."

And as this train of thought continued, I decided that it was more important to not hurt those that I love by accepting myself. So I came out to myself because I made a terrible mistake that could have been a lot worse.

2) For everyone else, it was mostly that summer was almost upon us, so the people I was living with (who weren't a part of my family) would not be living with me for a few months (to help them get used to the idea of living with a gay guy). I also just didn't want to lie anymore, so I started telling others, and tomorrow I'm finishing off the closet with a FB announcement, so YAY!

[addie88]

I came out to my best friend first because i needed her opinion and advice. She knows me better than I know myself half the time (she--and her family--had been suspecting it for years, actually). Basically I needed her to tell me "whatever you figure out, I'll always be here for you. and...yeah you're pretty damn gay." lol

I came out to other people at first because it was consuming so much of my mind that i needed to get it out. The longer I kept it inside, the more insane i became.

I came out to *more* people later because I was happy, and wanted to share my excitement with others. It was that restless, antsy giddiness that I wanted to proclaim to everyone all at once.

[steel03]

Once I admitted it to myself (or rather, stopped lying to myself), I felt like I couldn't lie to my family and friends.
Also, there are some seriously hot guys out there and I couldn't stand not being able to join in wooing. :P

[thecat06]

I told my 2 friends first (they are twins). I told them that day because they asked what was bothering me. I had at that point just come to terms with my sexuality and gender identity. I knew they would be ok with it because they had many LGBT friends.

I told my mom just before I left for school. I thought that she needed to know that I was bisexual before I went to college. She is not religious and has friends that are gay, so I knew that she would take it well. I told those people because I had known that I was not straight since my freshman year of high school, and I was sick of hiding who I was from my friends and family.

[King Gandora]

The thoughts and feelings that made me want to start xoming out was that I was tired of not being the true me, of lying to myself and everyone around me. And most of all, I was ready to be happy. The event that told me it was time to start coming out though, was when I went to a party at a friends house and we were watching movies. I had looked up and one of my friends and his boyfriend were snuggled up together on the sofa. Just seeing that told me that coming out wouldn't be so awful, and no matter what in the end I would and will be happy.

[Brandon]

I was forced to come out, guy sent a letter to my parents thinking it would actually help me, but just showed how cruel and fucked up the world is. Thankfully my parents accepted me for who I was.

[Chouchou]

It all clicked early this year, when I was going through some personal turmoil due to changes in my life that I wasn't ready for (I'm still not). Although I keep many secrets, this was far too important to keep secret.

I told a classmate of mine and her friend (both of whom later became my friends) because they have many, many gay friends. I think their boyfriends know, but I can't be sure.

I told one of my best friends from childhood over a discussion about a guy I visited in Chicago under the unofficial premise of seeing if there's "anything" between us (not my idea). I'm not sure, but I think her husband also knows. I'm getting ready to write a coming-out letter to my other childhood BFF, who I know will be glad and happy to find out.

I also told my former therapist (who happens to be lesbian) and someone who works at a local LGBT community outreach center.

Everyone I've told so far has been 100% kind and supportive to me, but I've been careful to gauge their attitudes before going forward. I'm still waiting for the right moment to tell my parents.

[Filip]

The main, immediate drive, for me, was the constant stream of lies I fed my friends and family, and how I got tired of continuously distrusting them and how much time I wasted trying to keep the lies straight.

When I was younger, it was easy enough to keep in the closet. Relationships didn't come up all that often, and when people asked me if I had a girlfriend or was dating someone I could just give a vague evasive answer and be done with it. No follow-up questions, and I wasn't forced to ponder whether I was gay or would still turn straight miraculously one day.

But then, once I got around 23-24, it stopped being so easy. Friends' relationships got more serious, and apparently I was trustworthy enough for them to start sharing more in-depth stories. Also, a lot of my friends started getting the idea that if I hadn't dated yet, I might need some help.
It's one thing giving avoiding answers, but another thing entirely to start making up elaborate stories to avoid telling people you're gay. Also, talking to others more in-depth really forced me to think about how I was similar or different in dealing with some situations.

Also, I had recently moved out, which actually gave me more time to just stick to myself and think (normally I was rarely ever without friends or family around before that). Leading to the realisation that you don't have 10+-year "gay phases" and that me being gay would actually make my entire life make much more sense.

One day, it just got to me how my friends trusted me, but I never trusted them. How I casually lied to avoid suspicion. How I actually started lying on minor matters, just because I could.

And after that, it was just a matter of time before I just couldn't take it anymore and told someone. Others followed after a few months, and after that the ball got rolling!


So in short, it was never really about "being gay", about dating and relationships or about sex. I just decided to cut the crap and be myself. I didn't change a lot except being out. Still don't go out too much, still don't really date or hang out in GLBT places. But at least now I'm doing that because I like my life as it is, not because I'm trying to fit into other people's ideas of what my life should be like!

[jimL]

Met a really cute guy while I was still married. I fell in love with him. I realized this is who I really am, even though I knew it for many years and wouldn't let it be. Now I'm out to most friends and family.

This morning I'm sitting at my computer at work waring my sweatshirt with the pride flag on it today. It will be interesting to see if anyone says anything about it. I'm not out at work and thought since it's "Coming out day" I would jus see what happens.

I have learned to love saying hey dude you are GAY!

[Dasc Crescent]

I kinda always wanted to, its not that I don't like lying or hiding things, its just that I wanted to be me at home, the real me, and it just kept getting to me and I kept saying I will get over it, then I kept saying theres no need to come out, then "I will come out... later" and that lasted for 4 months, then I decided I Really really want tom settled for a date and worked towards that, and I am SO happy I did.

With just online friends I tell them because, well, its easier than saying "I had such a great night with. um, that person." and its a pretty good judge of character,

[Hot Pink]

I didn't want to kill myself.

[TwistyRainbow]

I couldn't deal with keeping it internalized anymore. I didn't have a problem with being gay, and since I'm the most important person for me to come out to, it made the decision to come out to everyone else pretty easy. Of course, due to reasons that many of you know about, my coming out was in no way enjoyable, but I don't regret it at all.

[Sharkattack2222]

To my 3 best friends - I had just come home from being away for a few months and I started crushing on a male coworker (who works at the same store as us) so something made me decide to use my crush as an excuse to let them know I am interested in guys.

My ex - we had met randomly through friends and neither of us knew the other was gay since we were both in the closet. We started texting eachother and messaging eachother on facebook, not too much but enough to form a friendship. Than like 3 weeks later I went away for a week to visit family and while I was on my way to where I was going, he sent me a random text and than after that we kept texting eachother, chatting with eachother on fb/ messaging on fb the whole time i was away and we became really close. Than when i got home, we were still constantly communicating with eachother and we started filling out and sending those facebook note things to eachother. We than decided that we'd start adding our own questions to the facebook note surveys and we wouldnt know which questions we added but we'd have to answer all the questions. I started getting the idea that he was gay and interested in me (i was too, but afraid to tell him cause i was in the closet) and than he came out to me and i did the same. And than we hungout a few times after that and than he asked me to be his boyfriend a few weeks later.

My stepmom and dad - My ex and I were having a serious converation about how my parents would be so accepting of my sexuality (just from personal experience, they arent very homophobic. Whereas, he was very afraid of being gay seeing as his dad and one of his brothers would not be accepting, possibly even his mom). Since we had been in a secret relationship for almost 5 months at that time, we decided it would be nice to let someone else in on our secret and my parents would be able to see me happy for once and understand what Im going through. So kind of ironically, a few days (2 or 3) after the convo with my ex, i was getting ready to go pick him up from school later in the day and my stepmom was in the kitchen and asked me
stepmom -"so who are you hanging out with today?"
me - "~ex's name~".
stepmom - "oh ok. who's ~ex's name~".

now usually i'd just cover up my tracks and make an excuse, but i decided to just go with the flow and see where it took me.

So than i said he was my boyfriend and she started asking about how long weve been dating, what he looked like and all this stuff and she legit seemed happy for me which felt nice. She ended up discussing it with my dad (which im glad she did because it made it easier for me) and than the next day my dad sat me down and talked to me about it and was very supportive "all that matters is that you are happy, you are my son and i will love you no matter what". Than a few days after that i had my ex come over and meet my stepmom which went well and he came over quite a bit after that (only when my dad was working though) , but stopped coming over when either of my parents were home eventually because my dad wanted to meet him and he wasnt ready for that. May have had something to do with his relationship with his father and how he doesnt think his father will react well when he comes out. Idk. My ex is "straight" now though so thats another story.

My siblings - When my ex had broken up with me I was upset (I still am). My best friend (girl) and I decided to be in a relationship on facebook just for shits and my siblings started asking me about it. Although my dad and stepmom knew it had to be fake lol. So then they kept asking me about our relationship and I eventually just felt comfortable enough to tell them the truth and it went well. They didnt believe I was gay at first and thought I was just kidding, but a few days later my ex added me on facebook because he was curious about my relationship status (im assuming that was why seeing as he wouldnt answer my messages after he added me). Even though he was in a relationship himself. So I was able to prove to them that we were dating.


Sorry I always write so much, I always remember so much and have to tell every detail of the story<3

[alex2020]

I cared about and valued my relationships with my parents and my close friends too much to keep it secret. Not only was being in the closet impacting those relationships, but it was having detrimental effects on my emotional and mental health. I couldn't keep living like that.

[Rinamir Mortem]

I first decided to come out among my housemates when, before the night out, one of my rather jack-the-lad house mates decided he would be my wing man. I decided to kind of, ironically, put him straight, and told him that I was gay.

And now the sporadic comings out begin and I am seriously contemplating coming out to my parents around now...oh butterflies! Why do you curse me so?

---------- Post added 11th Oct 2011 at 09:36 PM ----------

And I am now out to my parents with no negative effects

The words, "You are what you are my sweet" sum up everything

[MsShelf]

I'm still not out to family (I seriously considered it today, but I'm so uncertain as to how they will react that I just couldn't bring myself to do it, especially over the phone), but I decided that I was miserable totally closeted and that I would start just being out with everyone else as soon as I graduated. Then, at my job this summer, a few people "officially" came out to me (I was pretty sure already, but it was nice to have confirmation), making things much easier for me. It was beautiful timing, really, because it gave me a nice support group and people to talk to about things as I continue trying to live "out" and prepare to eventually tell family.

[FoxFire11]

Originally Posted by TwistyRainbow

I couldn't deal with keeping it internalized anymore.

basically this, i had to tell someone.

Originally Posted by Rinamir Mortem

The words, "You are what you are my sweet" sum up everything

Mum said something very similar

"You are who you are" - My Mum