Maybe about to come out - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

gonecountry · 14th Oct 2011, 03:04 PM

So I'm a freshman in college and am currently out to nobody. I'm thinking of coming out to a group of friends I met when I first got to college even though I am not even out to my closest friends at home. Any similar experiences? Suggestions? Should I come out to my home friends first even though it's something I'd rather not do over the phone/Skype?

Rinamir Mortem · 14th Oct 2011, 03:34 PM

As long as you tell them I feel any manner is fine.

I first came out to my housemates a few weeks after I moved into Uni and I would give it a little time to let your new friends get to know you so that they learn to appreciate you as a person before giving them the chance to label you.

As for your home friends, I would say tell them when you are ready and perhaps tell the ones you are closest to and, in experience, individually in case they want to ask questions. Then move on from there when you are comfortable.

Ultimately, it is when you are most comfortable coming out that is the best time.

Chouchou · 16th Oct 2011, 06:37 AM

I also first came out to my friends where I live now, and then to one of my closest friends, who lives in another state. There's no rule that you have to come out to your closest friends first.

If you don't feel comfortable Skype-ing or phoning your closest friends, there are other options, like snail mail, or (if you don't mind going informal) email or IM.

Hidinginalabama · 17th Oct 2011, 03:47 PM

I have been told that coming out to your closest friends is the best thing to do first but for me i could not tell them first just because i knew i needed the first people i told to support me and i know they would have a hard time doing that. I can only say that who ever you tell is up to you if you tell your friends back home or where you are now. Its all up to you. No one can tell you what to do or how you should do it because every one's life is differnt in so many ways. I think because your home is in chicago they might be more supportive but i could totally be wrong. My sister live in chicago and she was the first person i told.

But what every you do remember this that every one here will always be here to support you in any way you come out.

sloaners · 17th Oct 2011, 06:40 PM

I found it easier to come out to people I met more recent. I wasn't afraid what they would think. It was like, if they had a problem, they weren't worth buidling a friendship with. But, my new friends had no problem with it at all and I think it was a good stepping stone for me. It gave me courage to come out to a couple people that were closer to me.

14th Oct 2011, 03:04 PM	#1
gonecountry Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Most people here on campus, almost nobody at home. Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 38 Join Date: Oct 2011	Maybe about to come out So I'm a freshman in college and am currently out to nobody. I'm thinking of coming out to a group of friends I met when I first got to college even though I am not even out to my closest friends at home. Any similar experiences? Suggestions? Should I come out to my home friends first even though it's something I'd rather not do over the phone/Skype?

14th Oct 2011, 03:34 PM	#2
Rinamir Mortem Brony in disguise Regular Member Gender: Gentleman Orientation: Me and my boyfriend are very happy Out Status: Ask and you shall find out Location: Worcester Age: 19 Posts: 205 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Maybe about to come out As long as you tell them I feel any manner is fine. I first came out to my housemates a few weeks after I moved into Uni and I would give it a little time to let your new friends get to know you so that they learn to appreciate you as a person before giving them the chance to label you. As for your home friends, I would say tell them when you are ready and perhaps tell the ones you are closest to and, in experience, individually in case they want to ask questions. Then move on from there when you are comfortable. Ultimately, it is when you are most comfortable coming out that is the best time.

16th Oct 2011, 06:37 AM	#3
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Maybe about to come out I also first came out to my friends where I live now, and then to one of my closest friends, who lives in another state. There's no rule that you have to come out to your closest friends first. If you don't feel comfortable Skype-ing or phoning your closest friends, there are other options, like snail mail, or (if you don't mind going informal) email or IM.

17th Oct 2011, 03:47 PM	#4
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Maybe about to come out I have been told that coming out to your closest friends is the best thing to do first but for me i could not tell them first just because i knew i needed the first people i told to support me and i know they would have a hard time doing that. I can only say that who ever you tell is up to you if you tell your friends back home or where you are now. Its all up to you. No one can tell you what to do or how you should do it because every one's life is differnt in so many ways. I think because your home is in chicago they might be more supportive but i could totally be wrong. My sister live in chicago and she was the first person i told. But what every you do remember this that every one here will always be here to support you in any way you come out.

17th Oct 2011, 06:40 PM	#5
sloaners Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: North Jersey/NYC Age: 19 Posts: 27 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Maybe about to come out I found it easier to come out to people I met more recent. I wasn't afraid what they would think. It was like, if they had a problem, they weren't worth buidling a friendship with. But, my new friends had no problem with it at all and I think it was a good stepping stone for me. It gave me courage to come out to a couple people that were closer to me.