Ooh boy

[Kcaz12345]

Ooh boy I am having a very hard time right now I just asked my dad how he would feel if one of his sons is gay (I am) and he said some really hurtful things. He said well I don't know and why did I ask that .I said because I think I am. And he said well u still need to think about it for a couple of years I know I am gay and I am ready to stand up for myself and any gay person or lesbian or bi . And he was like well would u like to be picked on every day for being gay and I was like no but if it ment standing up for who I am I will . And then came the hurtfulness. He said you still need to think about this for a while and I said dad I have for like 3 years and he still thinks thats not long enough and I dont need to think about it I know I am and I like boys and from all the things he said I can tell he doesn't wanna except me .I just wanna start crying .but I mean I also just wanna disappear because i am so sad I really wanna run away because I hurt so much and my parents will never execpt me for who I am even when I'm 20 if I say I am they will just say you still need to think about it and the truth is I like boys and I have a bf and I lobe him so much but I just wanna run away and live with my friend where I know I am excepted I am just crying because my parents dont wanna except me

[Hidinginalabama]

I am so sorry to hear that your parents are not excepting you for who you are. I cant say i know how it feels cause i have not told my parents that i am gay. But there is one thing that i do know in time things get better. I know over time things will get better because you are their son and will never stop being their son. I hope for you best in what you have going on in your life. I hope sooner than later that your parents will except you for who you truly are.

[Connor22]

Give it time, he'll come around, fathers are usually slow to accept it, deep down he really does love you and in a while he'll realise that you weren't lying and you weren't wrong, give him time, in the mean time, just be who you are, that's the best way to tell people who you are, by giving them a good example, also WELL DONE telling your dad is one of the hardest things to do when you come out

[Chouchou]

I agree with Connor. Give your father some time; it can be weeks, months, or many years, but don't give up on him. Help him along the path to acceptance by showing him that you can live a satisfying, successful life as a gay man.

[jimL]

I am one of the lucky ones in that both my parents didn't like it but accepted me right away. I agree with the above post. It will get better but it will take some time. It appears as though your father loves you because he is concerned about you getting picked on every day. I'm sure he will come around. Your parents need time to process you being gay. After all you have been processing this for a long time......just give him some time. Hang in there. Be strong! We are here for you.

[Chip]

Hi, and welcome to EC.

First, I'm sorry your dad responded the way he did.

It's important to understand that anyone, when confronted with uncomfortable new information, goes through a period of processing and accepting the information; in this case, it's your dad's perception of the "loss" of you as a straight guy.

The processing of the loss goes through stages:
denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance

So right now, he's denying the truth. If you gently persist, he'll move thorugh that. I wouldn't stress about the "anger" phase, it usually isn't yelling-and-screaming anger, but more just angry at the situation. And then, people move to the "Well, maybe you can change" or "Maybe it's just a phase" thing... and then acceptance.

The whole process can take minutes, or sometimes months. My guess, in his case, it will be on the shorter end of things, maybe a couple weeks or a month or so.

In any case, please stick around and keep us updated on what's going on.

Thanks!

[Eleanor Rigby]

Hi d welcome to EC ,

first thing I am really sorry your father responded the way he did but that doesn't mean he is going to feel this was forever.
You had 3 years to get used to the idea that you're gay, I think you should allow your parents a bit of time to get used to it themselves.
Here is a link to a Pflag booklet you may want to print for your parents. It may answer some of their questions : http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495
You can also take a look at the Pflag website if there is a chapter in your area and ask your parents to attend a meeting. I think it could be very helpful for them to met other LGBT people's parents. That may help them realize they are one among many and that would enable them to ask questions they may not dare to ask you :
PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays

As Chip said, in any case, hang on here and let us know how things are going for you.
Take care and hold on Cécile

[toaster]

Hi Kcaz.

Give Pa sometime. I am sure he'll come around. But I am so proud of you! You dare to stand up and told your dad you're gay. I, myself, couldn't even find the courage to do so.
Don't worry. He'll be there when you need him. Have faith!

[maverick]

Give 'em time to process. My parents disowned me when I came out last November. It took my dad a week to come around. It took my mom half a year.

But at this point, almost a year later, our relationship is much stronger than it was before I came out.

[Kcaz12345]

thanks every one for the support and ur right but neither of my parents wanna execptme and i am in boy schouts and gays are not aloud so being the dick heads they arethey wanna tell the troop and have them kick me out of it i will explain the prosses they find out., they send a letter in the mail telling you to never come back to a meeting or activity ever again so yea i am so mad because i love boy scouts and they keep on trying to scaring me out of being gay by saying if you are gay we are kicking you outta boy scouts but i have gotten so far i dont wanna quit

[Hidinginalabama]

Im not going to lie boy scouts will kick you out but i can say if you do hide it from them its worth it. Im an Eagle scout and it was worth not telling any one and hiding it. I still keep the card in my pocket. Even though they would hate me for it. Im pround to have been and scouts but im even more proud to be gay.

[BenMan]

i think the best to do is to make your own decisions when the time is right for YOU.
People will get hurt, but with time they will come to terms.
I have doubted my feelings since I was like 6 years? but supressed them so hard, I only came out to myself when I was 30.
just breathe and do what you feelis right for you!
ps running away from a challenge is not the option - just deal with it!
(i know easier said than done)

[Kcaz12345]

thanks every one for the support and i love who i am being gay and all i love my bf even more but thanks every one for the help and support

[quietman702]

I'm sorry to read about your Dad's reaction. My Dad is 79 and very old school, to be honest I'm thinking of not telling him... his health isn't good... don't know what it would do to him.