A Twist for the better of us: Talk with the Mom.

So, there I was on my way to go upstairs to come onto my lovely laptop and check my messages. However would it be that destiny happened to make me choose the path that would make me walk right by my mother...and for those new to the Inarut story me and my mother are usually the only ones home...and she does know I'm gay but she sorta found out and then I've kept everything bottled inside. Anyways so I'm walking by her and she says, "Come here, we need to have a talk."

Never a good sign.

So (now on the staircase) I creep down to the last step...giving the illusion that I am close...but in reality I was keeping a safe distance,

"Yes Mum?"

And from there she began to express her concern over my good friend who I have met over the internet. Now she got into her mind that this person I was talking to (now by phone) was a major security risk to the sanctuary that is my lovely abode. Which is understandable, after all the internet can be a very dangerous place. However, I've known this person for quite a while before I started talking to him on phone, so I played it very cautiously. But no matter how many times I tried to convince mom that I was perfectly safe she still wasn't okay with my Montana friend.

So then I took in a deep breath and told her that it was this friend that had helped me deal with my homosexuality. How I hate to bring that topic to the surface, but I wanted her to know that I was safe, and we had a homo vs homo brotherhood going. Well then she had to say it...

"I don't know how you deal with this PROBLEM."

And I knew...I had to will myself to set her straight...well rather not straight...on this subject. And there...the conversation began. We bantered back in forth while she asked all her questions...
Are you attracted to girls at all?
Was it your last girlfriend who turned you gay?
How do you know your gay when you've only had so many relationships?
SO on and so on.

Well (and I thank Empty Closets so much for the help) I told her, "How do you know your straight? It's no different for me. I like guys. If I see a guy, then I might find him attractive."
"If I could be straight I would, but I can't."
"I like girls in a sense I can appreciate their beauty, but intimacy is the real problem"

And she told me that she prayed to herself that somehow it would just change...that it was just a phase. But then she said that this conversation has made her realize it's not going to change (in a good way). I find it funny that I wish the same thing. She said she was wishing for some amazing girl to tottaly seduce me. I was wishing the same thing.

She said she was worried I would grow up and never know love.
I have the same worries.

And as we talked I just realised all the problems she had...in a way...were all the problems I had. Poetic in a sense, no?

So I told her the truth, that I have no intention to going out and being a complete slut. That I want love, not sex. I think it made her feel better to know that. However, she's worried at the fact that I haven't come out to my friends, and she doesn't like how I'm lonely:
"You have alot of love to give."
Again...exactly what I worry about.

So in the end, we hugged and the dogs got jealous (lol) and everything seemed to be a little better. Mom said there was a bridge between us ever since I came out. But the funny thing about that bridge, was the villages on both sides weren't so different after all. And now I think that instead of an obstacle the bridge is now a pathway.

Oh and what's awesome is, is that Mom said that her lesbian friend might take me to my first gay club. She's an older woman but apparently really fun.

And it'd be good to finally get male contact.

Also, one last note, she said it would be hard to see her son with another man...but if she saw love. She would grow to accept it.

:lol: Maybe this gay thing won't be so bad afterall.

Thanks alot guys.

 

Well I hope so.
But yah I feel good...I still wish mom didn't worry so much.
Haha

 

She is. She really is. It's good that she can see beyond what she's been taught. I use to get really frustrated with her...but my brother always say, "Try and see it in her eyes."

and it makes sense...she just wasn't taught the way our generation is being taught.

 

I really should write it into a book eh? haha!

 

Just a little update...now that I guess I'm more open with mom she has been asking alot more questions...and I figure the more I answer her the more she'll be comfortable with. She expressed her concerns over me being a "Flamer" and so I introduced her to the spectrum of homosexuality. First making jest that at next full moon I will turn into a were-gay. Lol.

I also tried to convince her that AIDS were not created by the gays but are associated with gays because of their tendencies to be overly promiscous. Haha.

Anyways turns out she did talk to her friend and sometime in January....Me, mom's lesbian friend, her girlfriend, and some other guy who's a policeman (only open to his family) are going to go out and tour Toronto.

Apparently mom's friend is really fun. Uhm Mom's lesbian friend actually dressed up in rainbows (Mom says, "You know the rainbow thing...." LOL) went to her girlfriends house with her girlfriend and sang to the not quite accepting girlfriend's family, "Here we are in our gay apparel fa-la-la-la-la-la-la." Or however the song goes.

Anyways, the only thing I need to get over is the awkwardness I get with mom talking so openly about it. I mean, I'll talk about it, but it's still hard. Maybe after this Toronto trip it'll be alot better....Still mom kept saying how cute she thought the guy from the movie, "The invisible" (which we watched later this evening) was....In a way to make me agree or disagree (Tottally agree with my mom. Bad actor, but total heart throb), but all I did was shrug and you no "Teenager" out of it. Hahahha

Oh well. At least things are getting better.

 

Well she's trying. Because she'd rather have her son gay, then a stranger straight. Get it?

 

Yea.
You know all she really wants to talk about most of the time is my sexuality now (like I'm some kind of expert) but it's really good that she is asking these questions. I still don't think I'm EVER bringing a b/f home though. haha

 

Well my last girlfriend was a complete wingnut and mom saw this. So when she heard I said I was gay she thought it was because of the previous girlfriend...and that I haven't met the right girl yet...like I said before she was praying that the perfect girl would just come and seduce me and everything would be right. So yah, she mentioned the girlfriend thing and I said, "When did I ever have a girlfriend I enjoyed for more then a week?" And then I explained to her that If I could be straight I would. There is nothing more in this world I would love more then to be able to be with a girl...but it just doesn't feel right.