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omg... I don't know what to feel

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Blkrsn, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. Blkrsn

    Regular Member

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    I want to SCREAM, CRY, and LAUGH all at the same time.

    Even so, I feel liberated. I finally got that secret off my chest I have been holding for over 7 long years.

    First, last night I came out to my best friend. I was so terrified that I nearly choked up. I messenger her over MSN, and said there was something important that I needed to talk to her about, and if we could meet up to talk. She asked what it was, and pressured me to tell her, but I told her that I would rather see her face when I told her... since there was no emotion over text, I was terrified what her reaction would be... it was better then I would have ever imagined. She said that she thought so, and that she did not tell me because she was 0.5% unsure and did not want to offend me.

    We then went out for dinner, like we always did, at the local subway, and talked about her boyfriend problems, and me not wanting to go to work... it was as if nothing had changed. I felt so relieved!

    But she agreed with me, before I have this girl I like come over - I won't call her girlfriend until we meet face to face and see if we like each other in person - I should tell my parents. That, and the day before, me and my family were all sitting in the hot tub drinking, and and my Mom had just gotten in a fight with my grandmother, and she started on a rant about how parents should love their children - no matter what they choose... and i decided then, before this conversation disappears into memory - that I should tell her...

    So I pulled her aside on her lunch break from work - the only chance I could get to talk to her without my Dad around, and I told her. I actually broke down and cried. I asked if she was mad or disappointed in me, but after a pause, she said, 'No, just a little shocked. I always imagined you with a husband and kids...but as long as you adopt I guess its ok.' and then went on a rant about how 'my life is my own and I should live it how I want to, no matter what anyone else wants or thinks.' I could see the disappointment/disbelief in her eyes, but she just reached over and hugged me and said that 'it was ok'...

    I fucking love my Mom right now! I was so terrified that she would freak out or something... that I would disappoint her... technically I did. She's been asking me for a year or two now when I would settle down and start a family... at least now she knows why. She also said not to tell my father right now...

    So maybe when she gets off work, we can find a moment to talk things over in private. She offered to tell my Dad, but said that that option may cause a fight. And I don't want that. I will tell him myself... eventually. Me and Mom will work it out!

    Damn I don't know whether to feel relieved or horrified. Right now, I feel both :')

    .... lets see what happens tonight... wish me luck...
     
  2. Raeil

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    Congratulations! I'm happy you took the route of talking to your friend first to make sure what the advice we gave here on EC was accurate for you. And, of course, I'm happy that you're moving on out of the closet!!!!! (*hug*) The liberation is totally worth it isn't it? It only gets easier from here, because now you have your support from outside of yourself, and that makes things much better!
     
  3. Vesper

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    Congrats on getting that huge load off your shoulders. Best of luck with coming out to your dad; with your mom on your side, at least you'll have someone to fall back on if it doesn't go well.
     
  4. Eleanor Rigby

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    Congratulations for telling your friend and your mom (*hug*) That's an enormous step forward ! You should be proud of yourself :slight_smile:
    (*hug*) Take care and keep us posted, Cécile
     
  5. Gerry

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    Congrats on that! :slight_smile:
     
  6. DhammaGamer

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    Woot! Yay for you :slight_smile:
     
  7. DJNay

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    congrats! :slight_smile: i hope my mom takes it like urs did, what an incredible person!
     
  8. BradThePug

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  9. Blkrsn

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    Yeah, thanks everyone! my Mom is the best. She called me over this morning for breakfast to set me up. I came over, she handed me my puppy and sent my sister out to Mc Donalds so she could talk to me about how would be best to come out to my Dad. She has a hard time keeping secrets from him, and apparently he automatically knew she was hiding something all day yesterday.

    She said that she wants to hold a family meeting tonight, so that everyone is together and I can tell everyone at once - get it out in the open. She said that may be the best way to handle it. Then my sister came back with the Mc Donalds, and she turned to my sister and said, '( my name ) has something she wants to share with you.' I was completely shocked. I just looked at my Mom and said 'Later... after I eat...' and she said, 'No, while we eat is ok', then my sister started pressuring to know, so I told her. My sister was like, 'Oh? That's ok.' And went back to eating. We then continued talking about what was the best way to come out to the rest of the family, and my sister agreed that a meeting tonight was the best thing, since everyone is home. She then went on to say, 'Now that you mention it, its completely obvious!' and the two went on about my 'clothing and music style' and how my sister would bring me magazines and point out all the 'hot guys' and ask me which one I thought was hot, and when I said none, she was always shocked and kept looking for more. Guess that makes sense to her now! lol!

    So yeah, guess I am out to my sister now as well. My sister has several gay friends, so I was not too worried about her. Tonight however, I'm expecting hell. I wouldn't be surprised if you see a post from me tonight.

    Yup - Family Meeting scheduled for tonight. Wish me luck...

    I'm only terrified that I'll ruin my relationship with my Dad, but Mom said that 'I hold a special place in his heart' and my sister added 'because I'm the 'favorite'.' and he'll come around.

    Thank you for everyone for your support in giving me the courage to come out to my friend first! I would have never felt the liberation yesterday and today, and would still be feeling depressed and anxious if it were not for you guys! And thanks to everyone who commented on me previous threads and gave me information and courage! I may need it again in coming out to my Dad tonight.

    I don't know what I would do with out your help!
     
  10. quietman702

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    You go girl! I still haven't told my parents (they're 79)... hope all goes well with your dad. Take care.
     
  11. Silver Sparrow

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    Congrats to you. I hope when I come out to some of my friends, they will be as accepting as you!
     
  12. NoName114

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    I wish you luck :grin: