Just came out two weeks ago

[quietman702]

Hi,

First let me apologize if this is all jumbled. I just came out 2 weeks ago to a limited number of people... one of them including my wife. I've been married for 33 years but the last 3-4 years have been sexless (wife has medical issues), we've had 2 wonderful daughters (one of which passed away 9 years ago). At first she blamed herself but I assured she had nothing to be blamed for... she has told me that she is glad that she has told me and that she stills loves me.

I've known I was gay from around age 5 or so but chose to keep it buried, all the while having sexual experiences (mostly gay). I can't hide it anymore... it's tearing me apart from the inside out... not concentrating at work, depressed, adrift not knowing who to talk to or who I can trust, then to top it all off the bigotry I'm going to face from my "religious" friends... I thought I'd feel so much better once being out, but part of me wonders if I made the right choice... the other part of me is starting to feel freer the more I talk about it. I am praying that you and others can help as I'm really overwhelmed right now.

[Blkrsn]

Congrads on following your heart and coming out Quietman... I know that feeling all too well your having right now.

Stay strong!

[Gerry]

Congrats on coming out!

[Hidinginalabama]

Congrats on coming out man. Things will get better over time. And we here at EC will always be here for you and any one that needs help.

[thecat06]

Congrats on coming out!!

[alex2020]

Congratulations on having the courage to come out!! Keep your chin up!

[Chip]

Welcome to EC and congratulations on coming out. I can imagine that Wheeling (which I've been through a few times) isn't exactly a hotbed of openness and welcoming for LGBT people, so I admire your decision that much more

And you're by no means alone: A good friend of mine came out at 69 and is now 74. He's happier than he's ever been and having a grand time being his authentic self. I'm sure when the dust settles that you'll be in that place as well... and I'd be surprised if your friends, even the religious ones, don't eventually come around. It may take a bit of time, but my suspicion is that your long-time friendship will mean more to them than an out-of-date bigoted viewpoint.

Also, I might suggest you rent the movie "In and Out" that came out about 10 years ago. It's a wonderfully funny story about a schoolteacher in a small town where everyone is wondering if he's gay.

[seeksanctuary]

You made the right choice. Even if it hurts and is scary, you made the choice to be true to yourself and honest with your wife; that is good, and it was very brave of you to do so. Congrats.

Hang in there. Keep talking with her, keep seeking support and just take it one day at a time.

[knight of ni]

Hello quietman,

Congratulations on coming out!
When I sorted through my thoughts and feelings after I realised I was gay, I thought that, and finding the courage to tell the first other person, would be the tough bit. So, I told a friend, thinking that from then on things would get easier. He reacted well and was supportive, but I still walked home the mile or so from his house to mine, in tears, thinking that I had ruined my life.

I don't say this to be depressing (I had not ruined my life--just the reverse, in fact!), but to let you know that you can feel just as conflicted and unsure of yourself after you start coming out as you felt before. There's nothing unusual in that.

It's a big adjustment for you to make, from keeping a big secret to being honest with people, and it takes time to get used to the change. So don't think that your reactions in the last two weeks are how being out will feel in the future. Some tumult now is the price for a much happier and calmer life later. Have faith in your decision to come out; as you said, hiding this secret was "tearing me apart from the inside out".

Pay attention to that feeling of freedom you have. It will keep growing as you keep being true to yourself.

As for who to talk to, EC can help with that!

Again, congratulations on coming out. Hang in there and things will keep looking up!

[quietman702]

Thank you so much for the kind words of encouragement, I can tell that I've come the right site. Please keep in touch as this is my only place for support right now. Chip you so right about Wheeling, but surprisingly my fellow red necks seem to change their views when they want to be "friends" lol

[person54]

The experience of coming out can go really poorly or really well in the short term just depending on the situation. But at least in my own experience, being honest about who I am has made me overall more happy in the long run and I think you'll find that as well.

[quietman702]

I wanted to give everyone an update. Doing much better, trying to take baby steps. I've come out to a few more people, only 2 basically dont want to hear from me again... I figure it's their loss. My wife still asks questions and I try to tell her trut but not about everything ... I really believe she knows what the whold truth is, she just wants to hear me say it... still too afraid to do that.

Thanks for your input... it has prooved to be very good info... aways open to more.