My letter (critiques?) - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Keelin · 26th Oct 2011, 04:34 PM

Dear Mom,

** * *I believe that life, fair judgement, and the pursuit of happiness are most important in this life. I just want you to know you are the best mother anyone could ask for. You've helped me, cared for me, and above all unconditionally loved me. The next paragraph is not your fault, know that now. None of this was will ever be your fault and you can not help it, nor change it.
*I have been unsure of who i really am now for 3-4 years. I have faced self-denial and depression a few times, however I knew it would be wrong if I told you... I was just to scared. I am afraid the shock of you and our family, on top of, the negitivity of society, Will make me more depressed. I don't want to be outcasted by anyone, and just want to live as myself. I've had a support group since the end of May, and they have really helped me. I am crying as I'm writing this and my heart is beating so fast, but I'm tired of the confusion and lies.
When I was ten, I was on the verge of hitting puberty, and I dreaded it. I could not help myself. I just despised it. You remember that talk at IC? They showed us all pictures a developing penuses. I got so red in the face, and all the other boys in the room were making jokes and drawing sketches about them. I wasn't. After that day, I knew i was different. I didn't want to face puberty like that, I was playing for the wrong team. I really can't stand this anymore. Mom, I'm a girl. I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you but I need to change. I don't want to be like this. This is the one thing were coming out earlier is better. Please, I need your support... I love you two with all my heart. I've chosen the name Keelin for myself, and I wish to be respected with the proper adverbs from now on.
I know I will most likely burn in Hell for the rest of Eternity, but I want to be happy while I'm living. I'm so sorry that you have to read this. We can talk when your ready. I've prepared for this talk the past month and I will try to answer your questions. As it is though, I am trapped.

With love for you both,

Keelin

P.S. We really shouldn't tell Adam yet. [my brother]

So what do you think? It took two days, written on my iPod.

Pilgrim is hot · 26th Oct 2011, 04:47 PM

wow, you have amazing courage at such a young age it's really fantastic, the letter is great I think you've described your feelings really well

and I really hope everything works out.

One more thing "I know I will most likely burn in Hell for the rest of Eternity" that really upset me I must admit, I can tell you for a fact that if there is a god you will not go to hell for being yourself and do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise.

MommaFrog · 26th Oct 2011, 04:48 PM

I don't think you will "Burn in hell...etc" and I don't think you should be apologetic. You can't help who you are. As a mother, those would hurt me more coming from my child than being told she feels like a boy ((i have a daughter))... I feel like you should be stronger, make it a statement, not a question.... "Mom, I'm not a boy... I'm a girl, and I want you to treat me the way I feel"

Keelin · 26th Oct 2011, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilgrim is hot

wow, you have amazing courage at such a young age it's really fantastic, the letter is great I think you've described your feelings really well

and I really hope everything works out.

One more thing "I know I will most likely burn in Hell for the rest of Eternity" that really upset me I must admit, I can tell you for a fact that if there is a god you will not go to hell for being yourself and do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise.

That last part is depression talking. I say stuff like this alot.

Hidinginalabama · 26th Oct 2011, 06:51 PM

Its a great letter and I got to say for a person your age wow. It took me years to accept myself. I hope every thing goes great for you and your mom accept you. Just remember eather way in time every thing gets better. Dont for get that. Best of luck again.

Chouchou · 26th Oct 2011, 06:57 PM

I really admire your courage and maturity.

Like MommaFrog said, you have nothing to apologize for or be ashamed of. You are also most certainly not going to hell, if there even is one. If it exists, it ought to be reserved for those who use God's word to preach hatred of their fellow humans.

Keelin · 26th Oct 2011, 07:06 PM

There was a couple things I forgot to mention.

1) The coming out date I agreed to with Fillip was December 1st.

2) I don't think of it as coming out. IT's more "ohh my freakin' God, I'm trapped in the freakin' wrong body and I want out" type of thing.

is how I describe it.

3) For me, this is like the only exceptional piece of writing I've done, probably because of the emotions

4) thank you for all the comments.

Writerfun · 27th Oct 2011, 07:56 AM

I agree with everyone. Your letter was very well expressed. BTW I love your signature

DhammaGamer · 27th Oct 2011, 08:25 AM

You're incredibly strong for doing this at such a young age. I wish I was as brave and certain as you are at that age. I wish it more than anything. Good luck <3

**Filip** · 28th Oct 2011, 04:26 AM

Well, it's definitely written straight from the heart. And I do think it does a good job at summarising your feelings and what you want to make clear.

However, I do think the last paragraph needs to be turned around a bit. I refuse to believe that ayone would burn in hell for being themselves, even if they just happened to be born in the wrong-gendered body.
And I do feel the final resolution in any coming out letter should be: "yes, we can get through this and emerge better than we ever were!"

So, maybe, does this sound better?

Quote:

I know this is not the easiest path to take, but I do think it leads to a happier life. Especially as right now, I'm feeling trapped in the wrong body. I'm sorry if reading this caused you any upset. We can talk when your ready. I've prepared for this talk the past month and I will try to answer your questions.

I think it says the same, without needlessly alarming your parents. You want to get them on board, not worry for your life!

Apart from that, I'll keep my fingers crossed for December 1st!

**Rosina** · 28th Oct 2011, 05:21 AM

Keelin, this is a superb letter, I can only echo what's been said before, it's mature and from the heart.

I agree with Filip, if you can, use a more positive last paragraph, as it'll help your parents take the news a lot better; remember you've had to work through a multitude of feelings to get to this point over the course of four years, yet your parents will have to go over a similar path in a matter of minutes when they read this letter. Filip's suggestion will make it easier for them.

You should be so proud because I'm proud of you for doing this.

Keelin · 28th Oct 2011, 07:16 PM

ugggg......

So tonight at dinner my family was talking about lgbt and my mom and dad said they were "okay with everyone except the tranny's" this shot my self confidence in the heart and i cried a little when i was a lone. so nervous.

MommaFrog · 28th Oct 2011, 07:19 PM

Im sure things will work out! Even if at first they dont, parents love is unconditional

Noir · 28th Oct 2011, 07:21 PM

I'm sorry that she said that, but I'd like to think that even if she doesn't understand [I]now,[I] eventually she will. Your letter is so unimaginably brave and inspiring to me, you have no idea--don't lose hope, please, lovely!

Keelin · 28th Oct 2011, 07:27 PM

I'm so confused though. my head says no, my heart says yes, then it gets caught somewhere in between. I want to. But i'm so scared. and it isn't like I could have anyone there with me that knows in person as I'm coming out to help. My words aren't inspiring, I'm too trapped to do anything else.

person54 · 28th Oct 2011, 07:30 PM

I know this is hard but did they give any reason why they don't like the transgendered section of the community? If they gave any reasons why it would probably be a good idea to address the reasons in the letter if they aren't already and if you still feel it is worth it to come out. For example some people think it's wrong since the person really just isn't coming to terms with their being gay or lesbian when in reality gender identity is separate from orientation.

I know it hurts to here things like that from people you love but please try to remember that they are still words coming from people that just don't understand your situation well enough yet.

Keelin · 28th Oct 2011, 07:39 PM

let's see

they said (and i quote *hmm hmm hm hmmmm*):

"Tranny are freaking wierd and we think they should stay with the gender they were born with."

"They are only like that because they're parent's suck" In the end, that might hurt them a bit,

.

"They'll never be accepted into society" Knew that already -_-

They aren't as bad as they sound, Those were just the worst ones from a 30-minute conversation

quietman702 · 28th Oct 2011, 07:55 PM

With my coming out just a few weeks ago, I don't feel as I can give you advice. What I can say that I'm amazed by such a young person speak so much wisdom and able to express herself well, kudos to you.

I can speak to the spiritual side of it as I am dealing with much the same thing about eternity... you should know that you have to come to peace with yourself, then come to peace with your God... bottom line others dont have the power to udge you, nor do I... so don't give up your hopes of heaven... there is hope... of course my opinion alone... don't want the message of encourage get lost in the details.

Keelin · 28th Oct 2011, 08:07 PM

well, this is going to sound like a really dirty trick.

But my parents fall into pity really easy.

So I might keep the line about hell there.

I still think I'm going there, though.

person54 · 28th Oct 2011, 08:08 PM

1. and 2. No one chooses gender identity, it is biologically based and possibly even determined before age five or while in the womb.

3. Whether or not society accepts something is irrelevant to whether or not it is right or wrong or whatever they meant by that last comment. Societies all over the world have had no problem accepting terrible things at certain times. (genocides, race discremenation etc...)

I know those kinds of arguments probably aren't that comforting at the moment but they are true and I think it was great that you got on here to talk about it rather than keep it to yourself.

It may be a good idea to wait a night or two if you feel extremley distraught right now but you are the expert on how you feel and if you are ready to come out so don't let me influence you.

26th Oct 2011, 04:34 PM	#1
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	My letter (critiques?) Dear Mom, ** * I believe that life, fair judgement, and the pursuit of happiness are most important in this life. I just want you to know you are the best mother anyone could ask for. You've helped me, cared for me, and above all unconditionally loved me. The next paragraph is not your fault, know that now. None of this was will ever be your fault and you can not help it, nor change it. I have been unsure of who i really am now for 3-4 years. I have faced self-denial and depression a few times, however I knew it would be wrong if I told you... I was just to scared. I am afraid the shock of you and our family, on top of, the negitivity of society, Will make me more depressed. I don't want to be outcasted by anyone, and just want to live as myself. I've had a support group since the end of May, and they have really helped me. I am crying as I'm writing this and my heart is beating so fast, but I'm tired of the confusion and lies. When I was ten, I was on the verge of hitting puberty, and I dreaded it. I could not help myself. I just despised it. You remember that talk at IC? They showed us all pictures a developing penuses. I got so red in the face, and all the other boys in the room were making jokes and drawing sketches about them. I wasn't. After that day, I knew i was different. I didn't want to face puberty like that, I was playing for the wrong team. I really can't stand this anymore. Mom, I'm a girl. I'm sorry for the pain this is causing you but I need to change. I don't want to be like this. This is the one thing were coming out earlier is better. Please, I need your support... I love you two with all my heart. I've chosen the name Keelin for myself, and I wish to be respected with the proper adverbs from now on. I know I will most likely burn in Hell for the rest of Eternity, but I want to be happy while I'm living. I'm so sorry that you have to read this. We can talk when your ready. I've prepared for this talk the past month and I will try to answer your questions. As it is though, I am trapped. With love for you both, Keelin P.S. We really shouldn't tell Adam yet. [my brother] So what do you think? It took two days, written on my iPod. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

26th Oct 2011, 04:47 PM	#2
Pilgrim is hot Gamer Guy Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to 2 family members and 1 friend Location: England - Somewhere in the middle Age: 24 Posts: 225 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) wow, you have amazing courage at such a young age it's really fantastic, the letter is great I think you've described your feelings really well and I really hope everything works out. One more thing "I know I will most likely burn in Hell for the rest of Eternity" that really upset me I must admit, I can tell you for a fact that if there is a god you will not go to hell for being yourself and do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. __________________ "Son, we want you, be elusive, but don't walk far" - David Bowie

26th Oct 2011, 04:48 PM	#3
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I don't think you will "Burn in hell...etc" and I don't think you should be apologetic. You can't help who you are. As a mother, those would hurt me more coming from my child than being told she feels like a boy ((i have a daughter))... I feel like you should be stronger, make it a statement, not a question.... "Mom, I'm not a boy... I'm a girl, and I want you to treat me the way I feel" __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

26th Oct 2011, 06:51 PM	#5
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) Its a great letter and I got to say for a person your age wow. It took me years to accept myself. I hope every thing goes great for you and your mom accept you. Just remember eather way in time every thing gets better. Dont for get that. Best of luck again.

26th Oct 2011, 06:57 PM	#6
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I really admire your courage and maturity. Like MommaFrog said, you have nothing to apologize for or be ashamed of. You are also most certainly not going to hell, if there even is one. If it exists, it ought to be reserved for those who use God's word to preach hatred of their fellow humans.

26th Oct 2011, 07:06 PM	#7
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) There was a couple things I forgot to mention. 1) The coming out date I agreed to with Fillip was December 1st. 2) I don't think of it as coming out. IT's more "ohh my freakin' God, I'm trapped in the freakin' wrong body and I want out" type of thing. is how I describe it. 3) For me, this is like the only exceptional piece of writing I've done, probably because of the emotions 4) thank you for all the comments. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

27th Oct 2011, 07:56 AM	#8
Writerfun Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Some people Location: IL Age: 25 Posts: 49 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I agree with everyone. Your letter was very well expressed. BTW I love your signature

27th Oct 2011, 08:25 AM	#9
DhammaGamer EC Addict Full Member Gender: MtF Orientation: Queer <3 Out Status: The closet is falling apart around me!!! Location: Michigan Age: 25 Posts: 372 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) You're incredibly strong for doing this at such a young age. I wish I was as brave and certain as you are at that age. I wish it more than anything. Good luck <3

28th Oct 2011, 05:21 AM	#11
Rosina An Abnormal Default EC Moderator Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: As out as the next straight kid Location: Surrey, UK Age: 19 Posts: 4,103 Join Date: Sep 2008	Re: My letter (critiques?) Keelin, this is a superb letter, I can only echo what's been said before, it's mature and from the heart. I agree with Filip, if you can, use a more positive last paragraph, as it'll help your parents take the news a lot better; remember you've had to work through a multitude of feelings to get to this point over the course of four years, yet your parents will have to go over a similar path in a matter of minutes when they read this letter. Filip's suggestion will make it easier for them. You should be so proud because I'm proud of you for doing this. __________________ Hang in there, because things have always and will always change - It Gets Better Rebecca Drysdale

28th Oct 2011, 07:16 PM	#12
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) ugggg...... So tonight at dinner my family was talking about lgbt and my mom and dad said they were "okay with everyone except the tranny's" this shot my self confidence in the heart and i cried a little when i was a lone. so nervous. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

28th Oct 2011, 07:19 PM	#13
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) Im sure things will work out! Even if at first they dont, parents love is unconditional __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

28th Oct 2011, 07:21 PM	#14
Noir EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A select few Location: Missing Age: 18 Posts: 361 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I'm sorry that she said that, but I'd like to think that even if she doesn't understand [I]now,[I] eventually she will. Your letter is so unimaginably brave and inspiring to me, you have no idea--don't lose hope, please, lovely! __________________ The opposite of love isn't hate--it's indifference.

28th Oct 2011, 07:27 PM	#15
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I'm so confused though. my head says no, my heart says yes, then it gets caught somewhere in between. I want to. But i'm so scared. and it isn't like I could have anyone there with me that knows in person as I'm coming out to help. My words aren't inspiring, I'm too trapped to do anything else. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

28th Oct 2011, 07:30 PM	#16
person54 Well Known Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Some people Age: 22 Posts: 182 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) I know this is hard but did they give any reason why they don't like the transgendered section of the community? If they gave any reasons why it would probably be a good idea to address the reasons in the letter if they aren't already and if you still feel it is worth it to come out. For example some people think it's wrong since the person really just isn't coming to terms with their being gay or lesbian when in reality gender identity is separate from orientation. I know it hurts to here things like that from people you love but please try to remember that they are still words coming from people that just don't understand your situation well enough yet.

28th Oct 2011, 07:39 PM	#17
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) let's see they said (and i quote hmm hmm hm hmmmm): "Tranny are freaking wierd and we think they should stay with the gender they were born with." "They are only like that because they're parent's suck" In the end, that might hurt them a bit, . "They'll never be accepted into society" Knew that already -_- They aren't as bad as they sound, Those were just the worst ones from a 30-minute conversation __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

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28th Oct 2011, 07:55 PM	#18
quietman702 Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Wheeling, WV Age: 56 Posts: 16 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) With my coming out just a few weeks ago, I don't feel as I can give you advice. What I can say that I'm amazed by such a young person speak so much wisdom and able to express herself well, kudos to you. I can speak to the spiritual side of it as I am dealing with much the same thing about eternity... you should know that you have to come to peace with yourself, then come to peace with your God... bottom line others dont have the power to udge you, nor do I... so don't give up your hopes of heaven... there is hope... of course my opinion alone... don't want the message of encourage get lost in the details.

28th Oct 2011, 08:07 PM	#19
Keelin ... Full Member Gender: I have a girl's mind Orientation: --- Out Status: Not out at all Location: Pittsburg, PA Age: 14 Posts: 354 Join Date: May 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) well, this is going to sound like a really dirty trick. But my parents fall into pity really easy. So I might keep the line about hell there. I still think I'm going there, though. __________________ "Your sexuality is only a small part of who you are... Don't let it own you." ~Ukeye

28th Oct 2011, 08:08 PM	#20
person54 Well Known Full Member Gender: Transgender - MtF Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Some people Age: 22 Posts: 182 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: My letter (critiques?) 1. and 2. No one chooses gender identity, it is biologically based and possibly even determined before age five or while in the womb. 3. Whether or not society accepts something is irrelevant to whether or not it is right or wrong or whatever they meant by that last comment. Societies all over the world have had no problem accepting terrible things at certain times. (genocides, race discremenation etc...) I know those kinds of arguments probably aren't that comforting at the moment but they are true and I think it was great that you got on here to talk about it rather than keep it to yourself. It may be a good idea to wait a night or two if you feel extremley distraught right now but you are the expert on how you feel and if you are ready to come out so don't let me influence you.