Psh fucked up.

So at the age of six I knew I was different. I started having feelings for boys not girls. I dont know why or how so soon but anyways. At the age of fifteen I finally accepted it after multiple attempts of dating girls came to a fail of not being able to feel happy. I went out with my first boyfriend at the age of 16. I had two more boyfriends but to speed things up. At the age of 17 I was accepted into a tech. highschool and went there. I went to school with true rednecks then. I was a welder I never expected anything easy as a matter fact I love accepted a challenges. But they never asked anything about girlfriends or anything so I left it alone. I wore a belt one time not around them but around my mom. She asked what it was I told her I was gay. Her world shattered. Now before this she was severly ill with hep c. I was there for her all the way I helped her as much as I could. After I came out to her I was shunned. I went into severe depression, everyday I just died more and more inside by the days. I hated being home where I was outed by my mom and constently making remarks and put downs. Day in, day out I was emotional abused by her and I couldnt do anything cause I would get kicked out of the house. I was there for her in her time of need and I always wondered why it was like that. I slowly changed. If you knew me before I was actually nice. Now Im bitter, Im fucking pissed, I love hurting people now. I would always want to take a knife and stab my chest just to end my pain most of the time but I couldnt. I knew I had a better purpose. I dont know why but at the age of 18 I was in the same tech school they found out I was gay. They reacted by being shocked and intrigued. I recall being called a faggot one time. I didnt have time to react due to the guys in the weld shop pinned the guy to the wall and punched him in the face. It made me cry a lot due to the fact that someone stood up for me. As school hit spring time my cousin died of a rare diesease that made her terminal at birth and died in her late twenties. I become even more pissed. I was infuriated due to evil people walk this earth but she had to die a horrible death. In the families prescence too my mother still brated me. After school was out I was barely home. I saved money up and got a real welding job. I then moved out. Afterwords I talked to her I said Im tired of your god damn shit you piece of shit. Im gonna tell you this once if you want me in your life you better pull your fucking act together cause Im done with your shit cause I will leave and you will never find me ever again. She choose right she still makes fun of me but I glare at her and call her a piece of shit. Later about 5 monthes later I told my uncle what her sister had done to me. He was pissed at me. Not for a reason you might think. He was pissed off I didnt call him up and tell him. He woulda flown up here to kick her ass into shape and woulda saved me 3 years of pain. I never forgiven her and probably never will. My grandparents from my dads side know the whole story and the mere fact that I talk to her surprises them but they tell me everyday that she doesnt deserve. Thats my story.

 

Psh its not and probably will never change. I wanna join the army as a sniper. But alas I been told to be a mech. on a boat due to my apprenticeship and on top of that I can fix boats like crazy. But its probably ause my favorite tools are a sledge hammer and cutting torch. A cutting torch burns up to 5600 to 6400 degrees and makes clean cuts on flesh. no blood no mess. I been told this many times cause apparently I need to know if I get cut by a torch that Im never getting that appendage back.

 

I was kinda drunk writing this post. My friends tell me I should go get checked out for mental illnesses. Kinda like the talk about STD's but a whole lot more hilarious, cause you think hmmmm padded walls?