Phase? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

MommaFrog · 4th Nov 2011, 09:34 PM

So I tried to tell my mom and she said its a phase im in because of everything else in my life... when I tried to tell her it isn't a "phase" she kept interrupting me and changing the subject...

Why do people say that?

addie88 · 4th Nov 2011, 10:41 PM

denial. she's ignoring you because she doesn't want to accept it.

idk why people use the phase explanation so often-- i myself have never known anyone to go through a phase of liking the same sex...at least, liking them enough to be conscious of it and then having the courage to tell someone about it.

basically it's just another way of saying "you're confused, you don't know what you're talking about, i'm just gonna forget about this now".

Robert · 5th Nov 2011, 04:07 AM

She wrong. You right. Ignore her and carry on.

**Eleanor Rigby** · 5th Nov 2011, 07:41 AM

Hi there

,

I'm sorry your mom responded the way she did, I know it must be very hard for you right now

.
Addie88 is right, the way she answered is typical of denial stage. She doesn't want to know, she doesn't want to talk about it, or think of it, so she pretends it doesn't exist.
Hopefully, this won't last, but I can't say the process of being aware that you're gay and moving to accept it is going to be easy.
It would be great to build yourself a "safety net" of people who are supportive to help you while you're dealing with coming out to your mum.
Maybe try to reach a Pflag chapter in your area. Reaching out other LGBT people and other families with a gay child can provide you a lot of support and help.
For your mother here is a link to a PFLAG booklet that may help her coming to terms with your sexuality : http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495

Take care, Cécile

**EM68** · 5th Nov 2011, 11:13 AM

As mentioned above its more than likely denial. Just like you had a coming out to accept you are gay, when you come out to your family or friends they have a 'coming out' process themselves. Especially with a parent they have of vision of your life, having a bf, getting married having a family etc. When you came out to your mom all of that changed. She just needs time to process it. The booklet Cecile posted the link for is a great resource for your mom or any parent.

MommaFrog · 5th Nov 2011, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EM68

Especially with a parent they have of vision of your life, having a bf, getting married having a family etc. When you came out to your mom all of that changed.

I've been married, going thru a BAD divorce, and have a child, so it's not like shes never gonna have grand kids now...

But i never had a wedding, we just kinda eloped, so maybe thats part of it....

**Eleanor Rigby** · 5th Nov 2011, 02:50 PM

Try not to get angry at your mother. Remember that you went to denial stage yourself. It took you quite some time to accept who you are and come to terms with your sexuality, so you can understand that she may need a bit of time herself.
I know, your mom didn't give you the greatest possible answer here, but that doesn't mean she is not going to make progress.
Try to keep your cool, keep the communication open with your mom and seek help from people who are going to be supportive at first (EC, PFLAG, LGBT association in your area...).

Take care, Cécile

4th Nov 2011, 09:34 PM	#1
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Phase? So I tried to tell my mom and she said its a phase im in because of everything else in my life... when I tried to tell her it isn't a "phase" she kept interrupting me and changing the subject... Why do people say that? __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

4th Nov 2011, 10:41 PM	#2
addie88 Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: California Age: 17 Posts: 168 Join Date: Apr 2011	Re: Phase? denial. she's ignoring you because she doesn't want to accept it. idk why people use the phase explanation so often-- i myself have never known anyone to go through a phase of liking the same sex...at least, liking them enough to be conscious of it and then having the courage to tell someone about it. basically it's just another way of saying "you're confused, you don't know what you're talking about, i'm just gonna forget about this now". __________________ Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

5th Nov 2011, 04:07 AM	#3
Robert EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male ♂ Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: World Posts: 971 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Phase? She wrong. You right. Ignore her and carry on. __________________ "I am like a mirror that dares not be what nature made it, but feels obligated, always, to reflect what surrounds it." - Frederick II of Prussia. "England is a Prison" - Gerrard Winstanley

5th Nov 2011, 07:41 AM	#4
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,401 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Phase? Hi there , I'm sorry your mom responded the way she did, I know it must be very hard for you right now . Addie88 is right, the way she answered is typical of denial stage. She doesn't want to know, she doesn't want to talk about it, or think of it, so she pretends it doesn't exist. Hopefully, this won't last, but I can't say the process of being aware that you're gay and moving to accept it is going to be easy. It would be great to build yourself a "safety net" of people who are supportive to help you while you're dealing with coming out to your mum. Maybe try to reach a Pflag chapter in your area. Reaching out other LGBT people and other families with a gay child can provide you a lot of support and help. For your mother here is a link to a PFLAG booklet that may help her coming to terms with your sexuality : http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495 Take care, Cécile __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

5th Nov 2011, 11:13 AM	#5
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Phase? As mentioned above its more than likely denial. Just like you had a coming out to accept you are gay, when you come out to your family or friends they have a 'coming out' process themselves. Especially with a parent they have of vision of your life, having a bf, getting married having a family etc. When you came out to your mom all of that changed. She just needs time to process it. The booklet Cecile posted the link for is a great resource for your mom or any parent. __________________ I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was Born This Way -Lady Gaga

5th Nov 2011, 02:50 PM	#7
Eleanor Rigby Filip's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out as straight ally Location: France Age: 32 Posts: 5,401 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Phase? Try not to get angry at your mother. Remember that you went to denial stage yourself. It took you quite some time to accept who you are and come to terms with your sexuality, so you can understand that she may need a bit of time herself. I know, your mom didn't give you the greatest possible answer here, but that doesn't mean she is not going to make progress. Try to keep your cool, keep the communication open with your mom and seek help from people who are going to be supportive at first (EC, PFLAG, LGBT association in your area...). Take care, Cécile __________________ "Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of another, always at the same time as an end and never simply as a means." Immanuel Kant

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