First, I apologize for how long this is going to be. You'll find that I have a hard time keeping things short when I feel strongly about them. Ok. So it's not like I have a question or anything, but I had to vent a little. I guess this story would start appropriately with a little background. I have a couple of friends that I used to know when I was working at a restaurant here in town. One is a guy and the other is a girl and they are a couple. Right around the time that I was really beginning to come to terms with my sexuality I allowed myself to engage in a little promiscuous activity with the both of them. Anyway, I have talked to the girl a few times in the last couple years, we kind of grew apart after I got fired from the restaurant (a whole different story). Anyway, I have come completely out to both of them and they seemed to be ok with it. Friday, though, I got a text from her saying that they were going out for her birthday and they wanted me to come along. We went bar hopping for a little while and there were only four of us in total. The girl was there with my other friend (who is now her husband) and another girl. I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but it seems like girls have a tendency to become attracted to me, so when I realized that their friend was becoming really talkative with me and seemed to be getting interested, I decided to make sure that everyone there knew I am gay to take the pressure off. We had a really cute waiter and I was making all kinds of comments about him and I had already admitted that I am gay, etc.... one time between bars my old friend (the female) decided to ride in the car with me. It was about a fifteen minute drive and I thought everything was going to be fine. As we were driving, though, she brought up the three-way I had had with her and her now husband. She kept saying how disappointed she was that she hadn't "rocked my world." I tried to explain to her everything that I feel; how I don't feel the same kind of connection with women, etc.... Then I told her, I am 100% gay, even if I was able to perform with a woman. All of a sudden she turned to me and said "you're too masculine to be gay. You just played the ultimate trump card." I was so hurt. All of a sudden this person who I thought was my friend decided to tell me that not only did she not believe I am gay, but that she thought I was just using it as an excuse to not tell her why I didn't enjoy myself with her. Now, looking back, I think she was trying to get me to do the whole three-way thing again, which I guess I should have expected since it happened on her birthday the last time. I was uncomfortable and depressed the rest of the evening and I still have been all weekend. Maybe I'm not cut out for this life after all. I don't act gay at all and she knows it; everybody does. I can't believe the amount of pain that could be caused by the rejection of a friend who you though accepted and respected you. I'm beginning to think that this kind of thing will happen to me with everyone. I am very masculine; I don't want people to try to change me (and certainly not to reject me) because of it.
I think your friend had this fantasy of being the "girl who cured you". It is her ego problem! Just try to let it go.
(*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) Had your friend been drinking? People can say all sorts of stupid things when they have drunk too much. I think this girl's ego is bruised... like Becky said and she just said something stupid and thoughless. Try to let it go, if you can't go and talk to her and set things straight... well you know what I mean :lol:
Yes - I think your friend had a REALLY good time on her other birthday, and was hoping for a repeat! Can you blame her? Maybe she was even hoping to include her girl friend! *mind wanders off.... :icon_redf * However, to put your mind at ease, there is no defined "life" of a gay person. If you're a good looking masculine gay guy, then you're going to find someone that is looking for such a person. They do exist! My friend really appreciates the fact that I'm pretty masculine in the way I talk and behave. He's most comfortable being with another masculine guy like himself. So don't start wondering if you're "cut out" for being gay. Just keep being you, and be comfortable being you, and you'll attract and keep the kind of friends that can accept you for you. They're out there - as is your perfect match. (*hug*)
i agree with all those wise people ^^ having somebody not be attracted to you is just painful, even if you're not attracted to them. clearly this girl likes you, so that makes it hard for her. and i would also say that masculine gay men are just as normal as feminine ones - i think it is brave and worthy of respect to accept and be open about your homosexuality despite the preconceptions people will form because of your masculinity. also, am i wrong, or do some gay guys generally find masculine gay guys attractive? it would make sense so you're bound to be popular with the guys, n'est pas? i know lesbians often like feminine girls. sorry i can't give much useful advice and feel free to ignore all of this, but as the others say, i want to encourage you to be proud of who you are, your masculine and femeine parts, because we are all wonderful unique combinations and the people who matter will love your combination no matter what it is. ^_^
(*hug*) I feel you pain when it comes to being masculine and gay. I had a similar problem with a friend of mine, but she never told me flat out that I couldn't be gay. I guess it'll just take your friend some time for it to sink in the you don't like her in that way. Give it time, and it might resolve itself.
well. Thanks for the support everybody. I guess I am just going to not contact her for a while. I've already told her that her comments made me uncomfortable so if she decides to get over herself she can contact me. I guess I'll just have to keep on being my same old masculine gay self.
Don't think anything of it. Just explain to her the difference between stereotypes and real life. Don't you hate it when people expect you to act like a girl and proclaim that "that outfit is, like, so cute" and various other stereotypical mannerisms? I actually get a bit put off by people close to the stereotype...I don't act or speak like a girl and find it weird talking to a guy that does.
