Coming Out Vignette - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Poweress111 · 5th Nov 2011, 09:15 PM

In English class we were asked to write a vignette about a time that deeply affected us.

A vignette is a short (700 words or less) detailed story about a moment in time. Sometimes called a literary snapshot in time.

I'm just going to attach the word document because text edits (such as bold and italics) make it easier to understand and I don't want to go through the whole thing and re-format them.

Let me know if you can't view. Constructive criticism on the writing itself wouldn't be bad either as I intend to submit this to a contest for publication.

Sidenote: This "moment" took place over a year ago, I am now out to everyone including my family... they didn't end up taking it well.

chillaxbro · 5th Nov 2011, 11:14 PM

just read it, that was beautiful. <3

Sadepeura · 6th Nov 2011, 10:43 AM

I read it too. It was very well written. Thank you for sharing!

Marlowe · 6th Nov 2011, 05:10 PM

I really liked the last paragraph, especially the ending. Normally, I would leave it at that, but since you asked for some constructive editing, here are some ideas I have:

1) I would nix, "There is no undo for life." In the midst of a powerful statement, I am not sure that a computer metaphor fits in here.

2) I really liked the phrase, "It’s been two years too long," and I think you should should expand on the idea here.

3) "There's still a weight on my chest, but it will be gone soon, or at least lessened." I would try to make this a little less explicit.

4) I think it might be interesting to tell a little bit about what you are thinking when Katy asks you to speak up. It acts as a sort of absurd comic relief at the climax of this story.

Good Luck in the competition!

jsmurf · 6th Nov 2011, 05:42 PM

very cool, was a pleasure to read.

**TheEdend** · 6th Nov 2011, 06:41 PM

Thanks for sharing

Sorry that your family didn't react well, but I'm glad you got to the point of telling everyone and having their complete support.

Drowzee64 · 6th Nov 2011, 07:11 PM

That's great! I liked it!

I've written about gay issues for English assignments before - It's a little awkward for me, but it's totally worth it because teachers love all the drama involved. I always get an A. What grade did you get on yours?

Poweress111 · 6th Nov 2011, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drowzee64

That's great! I liked it!
I always get an A. What grade did you get on yours?

I got an A... the English teacher for this particular class is the advisor for our school's GSA... so yeah.

Ianthe · 7th Nov 2011, 03:52 AM

Usually, for publication, you would need to do without the bold. Emphasis within italics is usually achieved by reverting to roman (i.e. regular text). "Out," at the end would probably be set in italics, rather than bold.

Miranda · 7th Nov 2011, 12:57 PM

That's a very well-written one

5th Nov 2011, 11:14 PM	#2
chillaxbro :D Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Maryland Age: 18 Posts: 12 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette just read it, that was beautiful. <3

6th Nov 2011, 10:43 AM	#3
Sadepeura Bow ties are cool. Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual lesbian in a heterosexual relationship Out Status: Most people Location: Scotland Age: 22 Posts: 343 Join Date: Apr 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette I read it too. It was very well written. Thank you for sharing! __________________ "What’s the worst that could happen?" "You could get torn to pieces by a monster you can’t see." - Amy Pond

6th Nov 2011, 05:10 PM	#4
Marlowe Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: The people who matter Age: 22 Posts: 247 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette I really liked the last paragraph, especially the ending. Normally, I would leave it at that, but since you asked for some constructive editing, here are some ideas I have: 1) I would nix, "There is no undo for life." In the midst of a powerful statement, I am not sure that a computer metaphor fits in here. 2) I really liked the phrase, "It’s been two years too long," and I think you should should expand on the idea here. 3) "There's still a weight on my chest, but it will be gone soon, or at least lessened." I would try to make this a little less explicit. 4) I think it might be interesting to tell a little bit about what you are thinking when Katy asks you to speak up. It acts as a sort of absurd comic relief at the climax of this story. Good Luck in the competition!

6th Nov 2011, 05:42 PM	#5
jsmurf Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: 4 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: parents, brother and several friends Location: Near Seattle, WA Age: 23 Posts: 231 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette very cool, was a pleasure to read.

6th Nov 2011, 06:41 PM	#6
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,831 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: Coming Out Vignette Thanks for sharing Sorry that your family didn't react well, but I'm glad you got to the point of telling everyone and having their complete support. __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” -Gandhi

6th Nov 2011, 07:11 PM	#7
Drowzee64 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone that matters except for extended family. Location: Houston, TX Posts: 114 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette That's great! I liked it! I've written about gay issues for English assignments before - It's a little awkward for me, but it's totally worth it because teachers love all the drama involved. I always get an A. What grade did you get on yours?

7th Nov 2011, 03:52 AM	#9
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,085 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette Usually, for publication, you would need to do without the bold. Emphasis within italics is usually achieved by reverting to roman (i.e. regular text). "Out," at the end would probably be set in italics, rather than bold.

7th Nov 2011, 12:57 PM	#10
Miranda Hypergalactic monster! - "Gay book" Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay, indeed! Out Status: Close friends, family and finally out to campus! Location: Equidistant between Tokyo & Washington Age: 20 Posts: 119 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Coming Out Vignette That's a very well-written one __________________ "Once you know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means." from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Planning on coming our soon!	EWU2012	Support and Advice	13	15th Mar 2010 11:07 PM
My Coming Out Story	chrisb	Coming Out Stories	39	16th Jan 2008 10:29 PM
Coming Out - What to expect guide	Seth	Support and Advice	2	22nd Feb 2007 06:58 AM