...Those who had a tragic comming out...

[KatKut]

I am still in and I am really afraind of comming out because I am sure my family will not suppourt infact they could even throw me out of the house and I still depend on them economically and I can't stay with friends but the wrost part isn't that it's that I am afraid of not having a happy life after "ruining" my parents life and break their hearts with my comming out or If they accidentaly find out I am or something like that and I am not the strongest person I am very empathic and sensitive and the problem is I know my parents love me it might sound crazy but I sometimes wish they didn't love me so I will not care about their feelings because they wouldn't have any towards me but that's not the case,I personally don't care about my friends not even much about my brothers and other family members but I care about my mother and especially my father because he although a homophobe has a great heart and helped alot of people he sacrified his childhood to rise hise siblings when my grandfather died when he was only 12 years old and he has always been a hardworking man but now he's 60 years old and he's constantly depressed because he wish he had sometime for himself and I don't want to ruin his last years of life making him more unhappy than he already is because he isn't the typical homophobic dad who gets angry,don't talk to you anymore and selfishlly focus on other things If I do that to my father he would be very upset but he would never forget about it and it will consume him inside he could not ignore it as I'd wish he to do in case he finds out,I will destroy him and I AM TRAPED because I also suffer but I am not selfish I wish I were but I can't and I don't know what to do because my situation is desperating and depressing!!! so I want to know how all those who had a tragic comming out ended up because that would be very helpful because I am the most negative person and I already assume that I will no be happy living a gay lifestyle because I am not sure If I will enjoy my new life knowing or constantly thinking I broke my parents hearts and they'll be thinking that I am so kind of pervert or "male slut" because this is their opinion about gay people because they're very religious and religion is very important for them because they blindly believe If I am gay I will go to hell and If they suppourt they'll also go and this is very integrated in their brains

[malachite]

IF your parents love you then they will stand by you. they may seem a little let down at first, but it's just a lot of info and change brought on at once.

You should also know that being gay isn't about them it's about you, and there comes a time when you're just making excuses because you're scared to come out, I know I did it too.

You can't change the past for your father, but should he get to know the real you while you still have time with him? He sounds like a tough man, if he can't deal with all he has then don't you think he can handle your being gay?

The situation is bad and it won't change by itself, as the saying goes: something's got to give. A change is needed.

[KatKut]

Originally Posted by malachite

IF your parents love you then they will stand by you. they may seem a little let down at first, but it's just a lot of info and change brought on at once.

You should also know that being gay isn't about them it's about you, and there comes a time when you're just making excuses because you're scared to come out, I know I did it too.

You can't change the past for your father, but should he get to know the real you while you still have time with him? He sounds like a tough man, if he can't deal with all he has then don't you think he can handle your being gay?

The situation is bad and it won't change by itself, as the saying goes: something's got to give. A change is needed.

Believe me they'd stand by me If I kill someone or even If I rape a woman but they will not stand by me If they find out I am gay because of their faith which is much stronger than the love they feel toward me they even say that they love their children more than anyone else but they love God more than they love us God comes first we come second,homosexuality to them is worse than anything If they had to choose between Hitler/Binladen and a homosexual they'd choose the first ones but that's not the big problem the big problem comes from me because I can't see myself breaking their hearts and ruining their lifes and still being a happy gay man,I am not selfish enough to do that and even though I know homosexuality isn't bad it's just a sexual orientation since I grew up in a very religious home were homosexuals were perverts I deep down feel like they'd be right and I'd be wrong I remember once my father was almost going to find out I was gay and his ewww face shattered my heart and I felt dirty like If I was some kind of prostitute or pedophile and I felt like If I was deceiving him and somehow betraying him so I am also afraid of that i don't know If I will be able to handle that ...

[kellymporta]

Originally Posted by KatKut

If they had to choose between Hitler/Binladen and a homosexual they'd choose the first ones

I think you're exaggerating a bit. After all, even if someone thinks being gay is a sin, I'm sure that everyone would find more sinful the murder of thousands of innocent people.

However, having a religious family doesn't necessarily mean they would kick you out of their lives. After all, religious people always say "hate the sin not the sinner". Maybe the won't accept your orientation right away, but I don't think that loving parents all of a sudden start hating their own child.

[Doctor Faustus]

If there is one piece of advice I would give you, it would be: Look out for number one and number one is yourself.

Be fearless. Follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Let people judge you, for better or worse. What matters is that you have good morals, and believed no matter what that your actions were in the right and in the best of intentions. Believe me, there is a world of difference between what is 'right' and what is 'righteous'.

Hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if there's anything I can do.

Best wishes.

[person54]

like a previous poster said, your orientation is about you and it's not selfish at all in my opinion to want your family to know/accept you for who you really are.

I'm assuming that your parents do accept you right now but it doesn't sound like being accepted for someone your not is enough to make you happy and it's not enough to make hardly anybody happy for good reason. Not being understood or accepted is a terrible and lonely feeling.

Some of the consequences you mention about coming out are possible and I know it is probably hard for you to imagine things working out well, but positive outcomes are possible too. Even if coming out were to go very poorly, in time you may become more confident in yourself and start to live life the way you want/deserve to live it and it is possible that people you do not expect to accept you do come to accept you.