Coming out is hard!

[sapphire]

This is my story:

I had just started college. I was completely in the closet to everyone. I made some new friends and we were just walking to the bus. We're talking and for some reason one of my friends started calling me a fag. I don't remember why. Anyways, he kept on calling me one and I just had a reflex and gave him a huge punch to the chest! I've never punched a person before and I am not normally an aggressive person. I actually had no idea where that came from. Obviously after that, the guy stopped talking to me.

For some reason, even though he was calling me a fag that day, I still wanted to be friends with him. Unfortunately, he stopped answering my texts and phone calls. After a month of not talking to him, I decided to send him a message on facebook. I explained to him that the punch was a reflex and what it was a reflex to. I told him that he is the first person I have ever told. I also explained to him why I was only coming out now. Thankfully, he was cool with it and we started talking again.

Coming out was the hardest thing because when I was younger, I was actually attacked by a person I thought was my friend because he thought I was gay. This was when I was 13 so I was still very much in the closet. I was at camp and I made friends with this guy. One day, he started warning me that another guy at the camp thinks I'm gay and was planning on attacking me at the pool. I blew it off because I didn't actually think anything would happen. Sure enough, not only did the guy attack me, but he also got my friend to join in. They basically hit me and threw me around in the water. After I complained to the head of the camp and those guys lost some privileges, my friend threatened me. He said that the two of them were going to come after me again 3 days later. I told the camp head again and my parents and we went to the police. They were kicked out of the camp and forbidden to go anywhere near the pool and near me. The following year, I was back at the camp. Again, at the pool, my "friend" was there and started hitting me and even held my head under water. He wasn't part of the camp so the person in charge couldn't do anything so I just went back to the cops and he got into trouble again. Keep in mind that I was completely in the closet here. These guys just thought I was gay and attacked me for it. That is why I was so insecure back then.

After I told that one friend I was gay, I started telling other friends in our circle and everyone was ok with it. I have since stopped talking to the first friend that I told because he started treating me really badly, but I stood up to him one final time and since then, I have never felt more confident and proud of myself.

[Aeon Magus]

Hello, Sapphire.
I have to say that what you went through was absolutely terrible, having someone you thought was your friend at the time do those things to you. But you are standing taller now than you did back then, and for that you are just amazing. I commend you for taking all of that and being as confident in yourself.
And on the other friend, that was verbally abusing you, it's funny how it all plays out, isn't it? He was "on your case" the one moment, then you're talking again and opening up to your friends the next. Congrats on coming out to them, it took quite some courage.

AM.

[sapphire]

Thanks AM.

Honestly the reason I feel so proud now is because when my friend and I used to fight about anything, I'd always be the one to apologize, even if I thought I was right. I just wanted to be friends with him for some reason and I knew that I could only be his friend if apologized to him. Then I caught him off guard by finally talking back to him! I actually told him that unless he can start treating me properly, I can't be friends with him. That was supposed to be his cue to apologize (in my head anyways) but he's stupid and said "I don't know what to say" and so I just hung up on him and that was the last time I spoke to him. Our circle of friends have since stopped talking to him also for unrelated reasons.

[Chouchou]

I heartily applaud your courage in standing up to your friend and coming out despite that terrible experience at the camp. Bullies don't expect their victims to stand up for themselves, so you standing up to that friend exposes him for the coward he is.

[malachite]

um...he should be saying sorry to you!

People like to test their boundaries with people. Don't take any shit from him, friend or not people need to know where they stand with you.

[sapphire]

Thanks Chouchou and Malachite!

Yeah it was rough but things are a lot better now

I encourage everyone to stand up for themselves. That is when you take control of your life. Don't let anyone hold you back from your true potential. Speak your mind. Let people know how you feel. If you don't, those thoughts will cause more insecurities and you will become more depressed.