Intrusive Questions in Front of Others

[midwestgirl89]

Do you all think it's annoying/wrong when people confront you about possibly being gay in front of others? I'm in a Gay-Straight Alliance and I've been asked by members if I'm gay many times before. Usually, they ask me in front of a group of people. I feel obligated to say yes because I don't want to pretend anymore in front of gay people. I only voluntarily came out to 1 of the GSA members without them asking.

I also was asked by a straight friend if I'm gay at a party in front of two friends. I said no because it was so random.

Another friend asked "So (my name), when are you going to come out of that closet?" in front of 4 other people.

My former roommate said the song "If You Were Gay" was about me. She played the song. This was in front of 2 other people. Another roommate asked if I was gay in front of 4 people.

Seems like when you tell one person you're gay they will tell others. This seems especially true among my gay friends. They are like "Oh she's gay!" without even asking if I want others to know.

Have you run into this?

[Hidinginalabama]

This happens to me all the time. Its starting to make me made. I told my sister and not even an hour later most of her friends found out. I even asked her to not tell any one until I told our parents. Things like that really piss me off.

[MommaFrog]

Specifically to avoid this I came out on Facebook with a status update that said "I'm GAY get over it. If you don't like it, un-friend me. I Don't care..."

None of my family is on facebook. I have been wearing a rainbow bracelet daily since putting up the facebook status, and noone in the house has asked.

[midwestgirl89]

Originally Posted by Hidinginalabama

This happens to me all the time. Its starting to make me made. I told my sister and not even an hour later most of her friends found out. I even asked her to not tell any one until I told our parents. Things like that really piss me off.

It really makes me mad too.What right do they have? Sorry that happened to you. It tends to make you question your ability to trust anyone...

My good friend knows I'm gay and she posted a link on my facebook about gay stuff in a couple towns away which isn't that big of a deal in itself but it was a big deal to me because my entire family is on facebook. Thankfully I erased it but I get tired of stupid people and their lack of tact.

[RedState]

I never have understood why people feel the need to do this...I don't know if it is because they simply don't know any better or what. I think it's extremely rude for people to do that

[seeksanctuary]

"Are you straight?"
"I'm a bit crooked actually. The doctor says I have Scoliosis."

"Are you gay?"
"I'm quite happy, thank you!"

"When are you coming out of the closet?"
"Now now, my home isn't THAT small." / "Well I'm here now aren't I?"

"This song is about you!"
"Funny, I've never met the writer."

... They might press the issue by trying to clarify that they mean "in a homosexual way", and that's when you stare at them blankly and reply "I don't discuss my sex life in public" OR "Oh" followed by a subject change. Make sure your tone stays light until you "realize" what they're asking, and then switch your tone to sound slightly offended (but calm).

Eventually they will realize they are being rude. If they keep at it, either ignore them OR take them aside and explain that you'd rather not have people discuss your sexuality in public, and ask them to stop.

[midwestgirl89]

Originally Posted by seeksanctuary

"Are you straight?"
"I'm a bit crooked actually. The doctor says I have Scoliosis."

"Are you gay?"
"I'm quite happy, thank you!"

"When are you coming out of the closet?"
"Now now, my home isn't THAT small." / "Well I'm here now aren't I?"

"This song is about you!"
"Funny, I've never met the writer."

... They might press the issue by trying to clarify that they mean "in a homosexual way", and that's when you stare at them blankly and reply "I don't discuss my sex life in public" OR "Oh" followed by a subject change. Make sure your tone stays light until you "realize" what they're asking, and then switch your tone to sound slightly offended (but calm).

Eventually they will realize they are being rude. If they keep at it, either ignore them OR take them aside and explain that you'd rather not have people discuss your sexuality in public, and ask them to stop.

Lol, that's funny. I doubt it would keep them from suspecting but it's a hilarious way to show them how stupid they're being.

I remember once a guy said "My computer is so gay. It won't f'ing work." And I replied "Oh wow I didn't know computers had sexual orientations. Does he have a partner?" He looked at me like I was crazy.

It was so silly but I agree that those kind of people need to be put in their place.

[Noir]

This always makes me so mad! I've never, ever come out to anyone myself--I'm always asked about it or been outed by someone else without my consent. My mother especially didn't understand why it upsets me so much or why it's offensive to be asked about one's orientation.

Most of the time, there's one girl in particular at my school who always outs me somehow. I could just strangle her sometimes for it *sighs in exasperation!* especially when she says "it just slipped out" or "it wasn't my fault!" I've had some pretty bad episodes thanks to her "letting it just slip out. "

But I've made myself a resolution to come out to at least one new person of my own free will by the end of the school term. Hopefully, I can accomplish the emptying of my closet one step at a time with my own strength.

[fiddledeedee]

Before I came out to everyone, I made it clear to the few that I told that I did not want them to discuss it with other people; thankfully, all eight of them respected that. And because I act like any straight person, nobody asked me about it, let alone in front of others.

When I did tell everyone, I delibarately told a boy who I knew would spread the news, and when some gossipy girls came up to me after he told them, I asked them to spread it across the classes to save me the trouble of telling each person. Almost none of them are in contact with my parents, and I confronted the ones that might be afterwards and asked them not to tell my parents, not that they would have any reason to. So far, that has also been respected, although I came out to Mum sooner that I would have liked so as to prevent her hearing it secondhand.

[Drowzee64]

I hate it, happened all the time in middle school. -_-

I guess it's acceptable in a GSA or LGBT support group or something like that if it comes up in conversation.

[Ianthe]

Originally Posted by fiddledeedee

Before I came out to everyone, I made it clear to the few that I told that I did not want them to discuss it with other people; thankfully, all eight of them respected that. And because I act like any straight person, nobody asked me about it, let alone in front of others.

When I did tell everyone, I delibarately told a boy who I knew would spread the news, and when some gossipy girls came up to me after he told them, I asked them to spread it across the classes to save me the trouble of telling each person. Almost none of them are in contact with my parents, and I confronted the ones that might be afterwards and asked them not to tell my parents, not that they would have any reason to. So far, that has also been respected, although I came out to Mum sooner that I would have liked so as to prevent her hearing it secondhand.

You might want to make sure your teachers know you aren't out to your parents, at least the ones you can count on to be supportive. One of my friends is a teacher, and she had a student that was so out at school, she was really shocked to find out that her parents didn't know. She was really relieved that she found out before accidentally outing the student to her parents, which she would not want to do.

Just something to think about. I mean, you don't want your parents to find out you're gay by a teacher saying something like, "You must be so proud of fiddledeedee. It takes a lot of courage to come out at such a young age." (parents: )

That could be really awkward.

[Eli]

This has happened to me a lot since coming out as trans. I'm not completely out at school (working on it), but most of my close friends know. Sometimes they use my male name in front of a group of people who I wasn't yet out to -*_*-. It takes a lot of effort to remember who I'm out to, and as what.
This can really be a problem, especially in a small town. News spreads fast, which is why I made a point to tell my parents before anyone else. They would not have been ok with finding out second-hand.

[mnguy]

Yes, I find it really rude and when people ask you in public it seems they usually think it's a joke and being gay is something to be ridiculed. They ask in front of other people to try to humiliate you and if you get defensive they'll think you're lying anyway. Maybe in the GSA someone is interested in you and wants to know for sure if you're gay, but they could ask you off to the side.