1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I came out to my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Daisy1, Nov 19, 2011.

  1. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Last night, I talked to my boyfriend of six years. I told him that I've been really unhappy, and that it's because I think I'm meant to be with women. It was incredibly sad and emotional, and we talked and held each other for hours. He was sweet about it. He had a sense that it was coming and said that he wanted me to be happy. It's hard, though, to be hurting my best friend. So many elements of our relationship were wonderful, and I still love him. It's been a really difficult day, even though I'm not sure it's even fully kicked in yet. I hope I did the right thing. I don't feel happy, but I have a vague sense that I may now have a greater capacity to be happy at some point in the future.

    Thanks to everyone here for the advice leading up to this.
     
  2. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,573
    Likes Received:
    288
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's a really hard thing to do, so you deserve a hug (*hug*)
    It's good that he took it well and talked to you about it.
    Congrats!!
     
  3. hiddenxrainbows

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2011
    Messages:
    336
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Congrats, that's awesome! I'm sure that couldn't have been easy, coming out to him. But at least he accepted it well, and even kinda foreseen it. And it might not feel so good right now, but I'm sure it'll get better eventually. I mean, you can finally move on with your life and be with whoever you're meant to be with, eventually. And yeah, it must have hurt to hurt him. But it's better that you be honest with him, especially about something so serious as that. And at least you didn't end up marrying him THEN telling him, like what happens with a lot of gays unfortunately.
     
  4. Vesper

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    1,393
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wisconsin, The Land of Cheese and Beer
    Glad to hear that he is so understanding and accepting. Ending a long-term relationship is bound to result in some hurt feelings, but what you said about a greater capacity to be happy in the future is a great point. By telling him the truth, you are saving a great deal of heartache for both of you, and maintaining your close friendship. So despite it being emotionally painful for both of you right now, I believe that this is a trial that will ultimately strengthen your bond.
     
  5. Katelynn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Messages:
    811
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sarnia, ON
    I know this was such a hard decision for you, hon. But I am proud of you for taking this step! (*hug*) It may feel really crappy now for both of you, but think of it this way - you have a guy in your life that cares about you so much, he wants you to be happy, even if that means not being with him. So he may not be your boyfriend, but he certainly is an amazing friend, and that isn't something to dismiss quite so quickly! I am proud of you & you will be happy! I have no doubt of that! You will meet the girl for you & be so happy. Congrats on taking such a huge & scary change in your life & facing it head on. You can handle anything life throws at you, & this is just proof of just how strong & wonderful a person you truly are! (*hug*)
     
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Lots of (*hug*)s that was always going to be a tough day but you will reap the rewards soon, im glad your boyfriend took it well. Keep your chin up.
     
  7. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,767
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    There is no wonder you did the right thing, for both of you. I completely understand it had been very hard for you to do (*hug*) and I am happy he had been understanding and supportive.
    It's completely fine to be sad and to take some time to mourn, but I think you took a very huge step today. Congratulations (*hug*)

    Here is a link to a Pflag booklet that might be helpful for you boyfriend : http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_...ght_Spouse.pdf

    Take care, Cécile
     
  8. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Thanks so much, everyone. I'm feeling a bit better today, although I still think it hasn't truly sunk in. I really hope I made the right decision, and that he's not hurting too much right now.
     
  9. Friendly ghost

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2011
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus, Ohio
    Congratulations. Its painful I know. The pain will move on though, and both of you will be happy. As you said, he is your best friend. Hopefully, he always will be too. You'll have to give him some time, but like someone else said, this is another trial on your relationship. Hopefully, and it sounds likely, you'll make it through and be lifelong friends. You did the right thing, and he understood it. There are few if any better reasons to end a relationship. Stay strong, I'm happy for you.
     
  10. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Just chatted with him this morning. He seemed really sad, which makes me even sadder. I still have to tell my parents and all of our friends, which is daunting. I'm not ready to tell people the real reason for the breakup yet. Without that backdrop, I'm worried I'll seem rash, selfish or worse.
     
  11. Katelynn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Messages:
    811
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sarnia, ON
    I know this will be hard for you still & that things still are not necessarily over, but when I came out I looked at things this way - I'm female & I'm gay & I have the wrong body which I need to fix. It came down to a matter of how I felt about myself & how I was with things over what other people were going to think about me. As much as we love the people & family in our lives, I found that I cant worry about if I come across as selfish or rash or anything like that. I have to take care of me, if the people I love can't handle that or have a different opinion of me for me trying to be myself, then that's their problem. It will be hard, but hang in there. And you always have all of us on EC to talk to whenever you need us. (&&&)
     
  12. seeksanctuary

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Of course he's going to be sad... and of course you're going to be sad. You loved each other, and you still do; you can still love each other now and in the future, but it's a different kind of love. I personally like to call it "friendship"! It's different and you'll both probably miss what you had together, but I'm sure you both realize that you just weren't meant for one another.

    It'll take time to heal. He needs to grieve, and so do you. A necessary loss is still a loss.

    Hang in there. Resist going back just for the sake of making him happy, or for the sake of simplicity. It'll just make it more difficult in the end, and is liable to wreck whatever friendship you could have had. Push forward, keep your chin up and realize that you are a brave, strong person for doing the right thing... and you DID do the right thing.
     
  13. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Thanks Kiersten and SS. Your support means a lot.
     
  14. Doctor Faustus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Basingstoke, UK
    That sounded like such a difficult thing to do, but I guess it was for the best.

    I wish you well, both you and your ex.

    F. x
     
  15. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    I cannot believe how overwhelmingly sad* I am over this. It is physically hurting me. I expected it to be bad, but I can barely stand to think about him without crying. I'm even starting to question whether I'm actually gay. :frowning2:

    Also, lonely. He was my best friend!
     
    #15 Daisy1, Nov 20, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2011
  16. Doctor Faustus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Basingstoke, UK
    Let him know you still feel deeply for him, if that's true. What you said might seem irreversible, but I believe the human heart has an enormous capacity for compassion and forgiveness.

    And you don't have to be sure you're gay. Nothing is set in stone. Just try and be happy. That is all. Sexuality is secondary to happiness: we only get one chance at life. :slight_smile:

    Hope this helps. Do write to me if you need any more advice.

    Best,

    F. x
     
  17. Daisy1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    Thanks Dr. F. That's really great to hear. You're right, of course.
     
  18. stilllovelyafte

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2011
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    0
    Daisy, keep your head up. So proud of you for taking this step. Of course, it makes sense you are hurting so much. You are a caring person, and he was one of the most important people in your life. I think it's worth pointing out that you didn't have much of a choice here. You may or may not be gay - but the thought and feeling that you are gay reached a sufficient level that you could not continue on your current course with your boyfriend in a way that felt okay to you. You needed to take this step to find out your truth. I think, regardless of outcome, this step was the only choice you had to find the authentic you. You are at step one of an incredible journey. It's scary now, but I have no doubt a few years from now you will be one of the grizzled veterans, looking back and giving posters here advice about how things will all work out great in due time.
     
  19. Gallatin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2011
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Congratulations. This was a big step, and you should be proud of yourself for taking it. :slight_smile:
     
  20. Gravity

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    256
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm afraid I'll only be echoing everyone else here, but continued (*hug*) for your courage to tell him about this, and for making it through the days since then. I'm sure it's hard, but, as has been said, the important thing is making sure you're truly happy, and being as honest with yourself and others as possible.

    How wonderful, also, that he is being so supportive and understanding, despite the emotion of the situation. If you can count him among the people who have your back, I imagine it will be a great help for you.

    I would expect sadness - indeed, from the sound of things, it would be even more strange if neither of you were sad at all.

    But, again - honesty and the happiness that comes from it! It's my thing.

    And also, one more (*hug*).