Progress... finally! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

jrparch · 21st Nov 2011, 04:32 PM

Hey Everyone,

I can't believe it has almost been a year since I joined EC. While I haven't posted a lot, I definitely visited this forum regularly. Here is a quick recap of my situation. I joined EC when I was 30 and feeling completely confused, lost, and lonely. I did post my situation and the responses I got were invaluable in moving me along the path to self acceptance. Also, it was extremely helpful to read other people's experiences and realize I wasn't the only person who dealt with this a little bit later in life.

It took me awhile to really make some progress and to be honest, sometimes it felt like I would never move forward... but I did! I slowly but surely stopped hating myself and started to accept myself. It definitely wasn't a linear process for me. Some days I was completely fine and accepting and other days I was so far back in the closet, nobody would have been able to find me in there! However, slowly the better days started to outweigh the bad.... and I finally felt ready to tell someone.

The first person I told was actually an old friend from college, who had confessed in the past that she had had a same sex relationship. I considered her a safe person to tell and when I finally got the nerve to tell her it went completely fine. After taking this first step, I regressed for a few months but then I ended up meeting the guy I am currently dating. Suddenly everything changed.

All of the concerns and questions I had suddenly seemed to evaporate. I finally knew beyond a doubt I was gay. Finally, having a relationship felt right and not forced as it always did with women.

Even with this self realization, it took awhile for me to tell more people. I started with some other close friends (as recommended on EC) and amazingly, despite my worst fears, they were extremely supportive and happy for me.

This brings me to yesterday... I told my parents and sister. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I completely broke down crying but to be honest, it couldn't have gone any better. All of my fears, worries, and concerns about how they would react were completely baseless. They accepted me with open arms and only want me to be happy! They said all the right things and they have even told many of my aunts and uncles, who all had great reactions as well!

The one thing I will say is, after having bottled all of these emotions up so tightly for so many years, that I seem to have somewhat lost control over them. I am extremely relieved and happy that I have told people but I also start to tear up, cry, and feel a host of other emotions at random. I really believe it is just the process of finally letting it all out.

Anyway, I realize this is long but I really wanted to post my experience. I am hope that reading my story helps someone as reading everyone other people's stories helped me. To be honest, I don't think any of this would have happened if I hadn't stumbled upon this website a year ago, when I was feeling so low. This website and the people who contribute really do provide amazing support and help change people's lives. So thank you!!!

Doctor Faustus · 21st Nov 2011, 04:52 PM

That's an amazing story. I'm really touched.

Well done for having come (out?) so far! Onwards and upwards!

Very best regards,

Doctor Faustus. x

Hidinginalabama · 21st Nov 2011, 05:37 PM

Thats so amazing and awesome. I'm so happy for you. Its so great when your family reacts like that. Its how my parents did to. Again so happy for you and hope things keep going just as great for you. Way to go man.

thecat06 · 21st Nov 2011, 05:40 PM

That's awesome!! I'm glad that people reacted so well!! Congrats!!

Chouchou · 22nd Nov 2011, 04:44 AM

Your story is pretty awesome; I'm sure it will serve as an inspiration to others who are in similar situations.

May your life only get better from now on!

mnguy · 27th Nov 2011, 08:21 AM

Congratulations on all you've accomplished!!

I wish you all the best in your love life and everything else

Aeon Magus · 27th Nov 2011, 09:13 AM

An utterly inspiring story. Reading this, it just makes you believe in people's willingness to understand and accept others for who they are. You've taken great steps towards coming out, first to an old friend and later on to your parents, even when you thought the worst would happen - which took a lot of courage from you. Congratulations on having achieved this milestone on your journey, of being more open with the people around you.

Hope the rest falls into place, that it just gets better from here on.

AM.

Noir · 27th Nov 2011, 09:25 AM

Haha, that would be me--crying my eyes out even if I didn't mean to. xD Congrads!! That's awesome; I'm happy for you too!

21st Nov 2011, 04:32 PM	#1
jrparch Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Friends and Family Location: Maine Posts: 10 Join Date: Dec 2010	Progress... finally! Hey Everyone, I can't believe it has almost been a year since I joined EC. While I haven't posted a lot, I definitely visited this forum regularly. Here is a quick recap of my situation. I joined EC when I was 30 and feeling completely confused, lost, and lonely. I did post my situation and the responses I got were invaluable in moving me along the path to self acceptance. Also, it was extremely helpful to read other people's experiences and realize I wasn't the only person who dealt with this a little bit later in life. It took me awhile to really make some progress and to be honest, sometimes it felt like I would never move forward... but I did! I slowly but surely stopped hating myself and started to accept myself. It definitely wasn't a linear process for me. Some days I was completely fine and accepting and other days I was so far back in the closet, nobody would have been able to find me in there! However, slowly the better days started to outweigh the bad.... and I finally felt ready to tell someone. The first person I told was actually an old friend from college, who had confessed in the past that she had had a same sex relationship. I considered her a safe person to tell and when I finally got the nerve to tell her it went completely fine. After taking this first step, I regressed for a few months but then I ended up meeting the guy I am currently dating. Suddenly everything changed. All of the concerns and questions I had suddenly seemed to evaporate. I finally knew beyond a doubt I was gay. Finally, having a relationship felt right and not forced as it always did with women. Even with this self realization, it took awhile for me to tell more people. I started with some other close friends (as recommended on EC) and amazingly, despite my worst fears, they were extremely supportive and happy for me. This brings me to yesterday... I told my parents and sister. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I completely broke down crying but to be honest, it couldn't have gone any better. All of my fears, worries, and concerns about how they would react were completely baseless. They accepted me with open arms and only want me to be happy! They said all the right things and they have even told many of my aunts and uncles, who all had great reactions as well! The one thing I will say is, after having bottled all of these emotions up so tightly for so many years, that I seem to have somewhat lost control over them. I am extremely relieved and happy that I have told people but I also start to tear up, cry, and feel a host of other emotions at random. I really believe it is just the process of finally letting it all out. Anyway, I realize this is long but I really wanted to post my experience. I am hope that reading my story helps someone as reading everyone other people's stories helped me. To be honest, I don't think any of this would have happened if I hadn't stumbled upon this website a year ago, when I was feeling so low. This website and the people who contribute really do provide amazing support and help change people's lives. So thank you!!!

21st Nov 2011, 04:52 PM	#2
Doctor Faustus EC's resident Philosopher at Large Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not straight. But only interested in men. xD Out Status: People who ask me. People whom I trust. Location: Basingstoke Posts: 1,610 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Progress... finally! That's an amazing story. I'm really touched. Well done for having come (out?) so far! Onwards and upwards! Very best regards, Doctor Faustus. x __________________ "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa.

21st Nov 2011, 05:37 PM	#3
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Progress... finally! Thats so amazing and awesome. I'm so happy for you. Its so great when your family reacts like that. Its how my parents did to. Again so happy for you and hope things keep going just as great for you. Way to go man.

21st Nov 2011, 05:40 PM	#4
thecat06 EC's Biggest LNJF and SNL fan!! Full Member Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! Out Status: Out to parents, campus, and 75 friends on facebook Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 19 Posts: 2,504 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: Progress... finally! That's awesome!! I'm glad that people reacted so well!! Congrats!! __________________ So many years have passed, since I proclaimed my independence, my mission, my aim, and my vision, so secure, content to live each day like it's my last, it's wonderful to know, that I could be, something more than what I dreamed, far beyond what I could see -Dream Theater

22nd Nov 2011, 04:44 AM	#5
Chouchou Warrior Goddess Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Homosexual (asexual?) and mostly homoromantic Out Status: To some friends, but not to family Location: Wisconsin, USA Age: 26 Posts: 1,109 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Progress... finally! Your story is pretty awesome; I'm sure it will serve as an inspiration to others who are in similar situations. May your life only get better from now on! __________________ "The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers." -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

27th Nov 2011, 08:21 AM	#6
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 895 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: Progress... finally! Congratulations on all you've accomplished!! I wish you all the best in your love life and everything else

27th Nov 2011, 09:13 AM	#7
Aeon Magus EC's Blue Gaylien Full Member Gender: I go peepee standing up xD Orientation: I'm a Man's Man Out Status: The people that I care about most. Location: South Africa Posts: 2,259 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Progress... finally! An utterly inspiring story. Reading this, it just makes you believe in people's willingness to understand and accept others for who they are. You've taken great steps towards coming out, first to an old friend and later on to your parents, even when you thought the worst would happen - which took a lot of courage from you. Congratulations on having achieved this milestone on your journey, of being more open with the people around you. Hope the rest falls into place, that it just gets better from here on. AM. __________________ Sing me a Painting, I'll paint you a Song Inside my heart is breaking. My make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on. The show must go on.

27th Nov 2011, 09:25 AM	#8
Noir EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: A select few Location: Missing Age: 18 Posts: 361 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: Progress... finally! Haha, that would be me--crying my eyes out even if I didn't mean to. xD Congrads!! That's awesome; I'm happy for you too! __________________ The opposite of love isn't hate--it's indifference.

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