I haven't posted anything for awhile, so here's a quick recap. I'm 55 and have been married for 35 years with 3 grown children. We got married when I was 20 and she was 19 - neither of us had any experience with sex. I knew I had attractions for men, but (strangely) didn't think that meant I was gay because I wasn't "femmy". A few weeks ago, I admitted to our marriage counselor that I was gay. At a subsequent joint session with my wife, I came out to her to. She knew there was a strong possiblity based on events over the past few years, but I still wouldn't admit it to myself until lately. My wife has been very understanding and we are making plans to divorce. Over the next few months, I plan to start coming out to family and friends. I'm not looking forward to the process, but I'm thrilled that it's going to happen! Thanks, everyone for being here for. The posts on this site help a lot!!
Congrats! Not to beat a dead horse (I've recommended this in other posts), but I highly recommend you read Dr. Loren Olson's book - "Finally Out". He's a psychiatrist, Iowa guy, who did not realize he was gay/come out until he was 40. His book really opened my eyes to the diversity within the gay community and the diversity of experiences people have in coming to grips with their sexuality.
Thanks for mentioning the book. I read it a few weeks ago and I agree, it's outstanding! I gave it to my wife to read too, although she hasn't been able to start it yet.
And, of course, congrats! I find you to be very inspirational, especially given where I sit today. I can really learn from your courage in facing this head on. Best of luck in sorting everything out. I hope you keep us posted on your developments!
Hello, I am 47, gay, married to my wife 19 years, two daughters 4 and 11. I am in somewhat similar circumstances to you. In 1999 as part of pre-pregnancy testing my wife found out she had an STD. Chlymadia. When confronted, I chickened out and let her think I'd had an affair with a woman. Then, eventually, admitted it was a guy I'd messed around with. But I told her I was bisexual. Not sure why I was afraid to admit gay but I did. Well, fast forward to late 2011. I took up Jeeping as a hobby, met many new friends. One in particular is a guy around 30 whom I now realized I fell in love with. He is straight and married. I came out to him and he was accepting. I was hooked. In January of 2012 I got my nips pierced against my wife's wishes. While on a family trip to the Florida keys, she confronted me about the piercing and in the course of a big argument I told her that what had come between us was "the gay thing". Those words were like a shotgun blast and we've been struggling ever since. I made many missteps along the way this year but the long and the short of it is that we're still together, but on her terms.....me being monogamous with her and her not wanting my being gay to be "in her face". I don't see how this can work long-term. I'm frustrated, in despair and terrified about the future. Having young children seems to complicate things. On top of that, my wife quit her well-paying job back in 2007 to be a stay-at-home mom, so I'm the sole income-earner. While I've been lucky that I've done well over the last five years, the pressure to carry both of us financially....forever...if we break up is also exhausting. I'm sorry to ramble. I just have no idea where to turn and I saw your story and was moved. Thank you for listening.
Guys, another man in a very similar boat. Got married very young (22). Been divorced for a decade (nothing to do with my sexuality), currently in a several year relationship with a woman. I have 2 kids at home (of whom I have custody), though not very young - which makes this easier. Been depressed for about a year, in November realized that I have to face myself, and the world, that I am probably gay. The hardest part about what's ahead is honestly with my girlfriend, which will be brutal. We share a group of friends, makes this even harder, since I'm sure their loyalties will be to her, especially if I "dump" her. ugh. I still have much to sort out myself. Regardless of my sexuality, I need to get a grip on my depression and lack of confidence/why I'm so hard on myself. I know I don't want to be alone in the future. And I'm committed to having a great life. Exactly how that all happens and how the people I care about and who care for me fit in -- not yet known. /Pete
