One month later, now out to my parents

[wingandaprayer]

So.

I ended up coming out to my parents a bit before Thanksgiving. Or...I guess I should say to my dad? He took it...fairly well, I suppose, all things considered.

I think he thinks that this is mostly 'just a phase', but I can't blame him for needing some time to adjust to the idea. I asked him to tell my mom (she and I don't get along well), and she hasn't mentioned it at all, so I have no clue what's going through her mind.

My dad asked me not to tell my younger siblings yet to avoid causing 'scandal', and I agreed for now (since I don't have a girlfriend exactly). I do worry a little bit because I think it's possible that one of my siblings is gay, and I don't want him to feel scared and alone like I have. But he's still pretty young, so I suppose it'll be okay to wait a little bit.

I guess I'm pretty lucky. My dad still says he loves me, and although he doesn't believe that it's moral to have sex with another person of the same gender, he respects that I have to make my own choices. I think he's also not terribly happy that I don't precisely believe that what he believes is 100% true. (He's a devout Catholic and I'm...I have no flipping clue. I'm drawn to Wicca more than anything else, if truth is to be told, but he doesn't know that.)

Things have really changed a lot for me. I was going to wait until I left for good to tell my parents, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't admit it. It feels...better to at least have my parents know. There's also a very special girl whom I care for, and who cares for me--although we're not ready to date yet (she's still in school, and I've got a lot of grad work to go still).

I still feel a lot of guilt sometimes over being a lesbian. I've started to explore what it means to be a lesbian--letting myself imagine what it's like to be with another woman, reading stories with lesbians, and ah...as someone else put it 'getting into unity with my sexual being' I believe it was? XD But I still sometimes worry that I'll be damned for indulging desires like this. I'm also really having a lot of trouble with depression.

On the whole, though? I think it's better to be at least a bit more out than I was before.

[Doctor Faustus]

It always is better. And it's going to get even better.

Well done for coming out! Onwards and upwards!