Good and not so good news - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Eli · 7th Dec 2011, 06:28 AM

So although I say I'm out at school, that's really only to a couple of people- maybe six or so in total. Two days ago I came out to a very good friend as trans, and her reaction was great (yay!); she couldn't care less and says she'll support me with whatever I need. Also, my actual binder arrived this week, so I can finally say goodbye to the ace bandages I've been binding with (preferably by setting them on fire). That's the good.
The bad is that I'm apparently out to more people than I realized. A friend that I told in confidence has just been telling people whenever it "came up". He, and I, don't know who knows. He apparently thought I had a "great opportunity to be a role model", and assumed I'd be fine with being outer without even asking me if it was ok.
One of my biggest fears surrounding coming out is safety. He doesn't get that I'm now less safe at school, because I've lost control of my coming out. As someone who was outer as gay years ago, I'm really surprised he did this to me.
Apologies for the long post. It's been an action-packed week.

Cookie34 · 7th Dec 2011, 01:30 PM

Well done with coming out

Tell a teacher you trust immediately if someone starts, the most important thing is that your safe.
Your friend might not of meant it in a nasty way but he still should of asked you first. Try talking to him and explain how you felt ,if he is your friend im sure he will understand what he did wrong.

**EM68** · 7th Dec 2011, 01:47 PM

Congrats on coming out. I can't tell where you are from. If you live in the US many states have anti-bullying laws. You may want to talk to a guidance councilor or teacher.

Not having control in coming out can be a bad and a good thing. I know the fear. I was outed by a coworker at my former job. Instead of denying it I owned up to it and was proud. I stood up to the person that outed me. My coworkers were so supportive and I opened up a dialog. I became quite close to a number of them. Let us know what happens.

Hidinginalabama · 7th Dec 2011, 02:35 PM

Congrats on coming out.

Doctor Faustus · 7th Dec 2011, 03:35 PM

Congrats. I'm sorry you've lost control of being outed, but if anything happens, tell us here and tell positions of authority at school whom you trust and who will support you.

Keep us posted.

7th Dec 2011, 06:28 AM	#1
Eli Member Regular Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: School and immediate family Location: Central PA Age: 18 Posts: 21 Join Date: Nov 2011	Good and not so good news So although I say I'm out at school, that's really only to a couple of people- maybe six or so in total. Two days ago I came out to a very good friend as trans, and her reaction was great (yay!); she couldn't care less and says she'll support me with whatever I need. Also, my actual binder arrived this week, so I can finally say goodbye to the ace bandages I've been binding with (preferably by setting them on fire). That's the good. The bad is that I'm apparently out to more people than I realized. A friend that I told in confidence has just been telling people whenever it "came up". He, and I, don't know who knows. He apparently thought I had a "great opportunity to be a role model", and assumed I'd be fine with being outer without even asking me if it was ok. One of my biggest fears surrounding coming out is safety. He doesn't get that I'm now less safe at school, because I've lost control of my coming out. As someone who was outer as gay years ago, I'm really surprised he did this to me. Apologies for the long post. It's been an action-packed week.

7th Dec 2011, 01:30 PM	#2
Cookie34 Well Known Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Family only Location: England, Birmingham Posts: 101 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Good and not so good news Well done with coming out Tell a teacher you trust immediately if someone starts, the most important thing is that your safe. Your friend might not of meant it in a nasty way but he still should of asked you first. Try talking to him and explain how you felt ,if he is your friend im sure he will understand what he did wrong. __________________ Come To The Darkside....We Have Cookies! xD

7th Dec 2011, 01:47 PM	#3
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Good and not so good news Congrats on coming out. I can't tell where you are from. If you live in the US many states have anti-bullying laws. You may want to talk to a guidance councilor or teacher. Not having control in coming out can be a bad and a good thing. I know the fear. I was outed by a coworker at my former job. Instead of denying it I owned up to it and was proud. I stood up to the person that outed me. My coworkers were so supportive and I opened up a dialog. I became quite close to a number of them. Let us know what happens. __________________ I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was Born This Way -Lady Gaga

7th Dec 2011, 02:35 PM	#4
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Good and not so good news Congrats on coming out.

7th Dec 2011, 03:35 PM	#5
Doctor Faustus EC's resident Philosopher at Large Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Not straight. But only interested in men. xD Out Status: People who ask me. People whom I trust. Location: Basingstoke Posts: 1,610 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Good and not so good news Congrats. I'm sorry you've lost control of being outed, but if anything happens, tell us here and tell positions of authority at school whom you trust and who will support you. Keep us posted. __________________ "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." - Mother Teresa.