Not everyone will take it well

[dennisvkn]

I decided to come out to my bestfriend 3 days before she move, she was the first person that I told this truth in my life. Like all the people out there who are still in the closet, I always want to come out, to free myself away from those depress feelings, and then somehow i got the idea that i should just tell her, first because she is my bestfriend, second that she is moving away so the rumor won't appear xD.. So we after we got there;

Me: Hey M, I got something to tell you, because you're moving away so I think its the best time to do.
Her: wut ?
Me: ( I didn't dare to tell her by words, i pull out a sticky note and wrote "Im G" on it ) *put the note under her hand*
Her: You are ... ? You're a what ? I don't get it
Me: Lol, this is awkward , ok remember that you told me that you have a gay friend from middle school ?
Her: Yea, so what?
Me: (*thinking* damn she doesn't get it at all xD) Well.. I'm ga- gay
Her: *Weird face expression :O , and then burst out laughing * Haha, dude this is awesome, I'm a bi too !! (Then she tells me lot of stuffs about her life until our other friends come)
- I'm sure that to anyone who had been came out and got good responses, you were feeling like RAINBOWS wasn't it lol.

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I thought that coming out is an easy thing to do, so the week after I went to hang out with another bestfriend, the guy that i've fell in love.

Me: Hey dude, what do you think about gay ?
Him: I'm ok with it.
Me: So.. I'm gay
Him: *stares at me for a min and then said* How did this happen ?
Me: Idk it just happened, so what do you think? Are we still friend ?
Him: Ye- yea.. I'm good, just don't do anything or get so close to me
Me: Dude, WTF? Its not like I'm gonna rape you or something lol
Him: just joking

-But 2 weeks later he started to act weird , less talking and hanging out, I think something was wrong, I should have stayed silent but I just can't stand it whenever I see him with a girl. I invited him over, he finally came after a few tries.

Me: Hey whats wrong? Seems like you are staying away from me? Do you mind about my sexuality ?
Him: No Im fine with it.
Me: If it is it, then... Ok, i want to tell you this but don't freak out ok?
Him: Sure...
Me: I think I've fell in love with you..
Him: *kinda surprise but not as much as the first time* I didn't know this... But dude, I'm straight, I don't have any feeling between you and me, I'm sorry.
Me: Its ok, I know it is impossible since we are highschooler. If you don't like it, just ignore anything I said and be friend alright ?
Him: ...Ok,uh i gotta go.
- After that day, he was totally ignored me, I was really depressed about it... I think this wouldn't turn out nice, so I try to turn the situation back like before when we were bestfriend. I text to him, it was a long conversation but last thing he said: " I was paranoid about it, I think we shouldn't talk or meet in a while, and maybe shouldn't be friend "

I was really mad, I got rid of anything relate to him...
Just 2 questions, do you think he is homophobic ? And should I revenge by dating his ex-gf (He really loves her but they broke up because of long distance problem, and they couldnt hang out much) ?
We got a little better now, not close like before, I got over him (and even hate him), but he keep acting like he didn't do anything.

I've learned that not everyone will take that well when you come out. And that dude made me scare of coming out with my family, I afraid if any of them are homophobic...

[Cool25]

You are right- not everyone will take it well. After coming out to over 12 or so friends I never had a bad reaction until three days ago- when I told my mother. She had continued arguing and telling me terrible things- it's a phase, you aren't gay, you are selfish blah blah blah. It's really hard- I know. But, you have to know that they are wrong- there is nothing wrong with being gay/bi/trans etc. And there are loads and loads of people who will love and support you for the person you are.

I think your confession of your feelings probably made him feel uncomfortable, given that he is straight. So, not knowing him, I can't say whether he is homophobic or not, but I think he was a just a little freaked out/didn't know what to do or say. As for dating his ex-girlfriend- I don't think that's a particularly wise idea especially if you are just doing that to hurt him. He's straight, and while it really really sucks (I know from experience), you will get over him.

So hang in there. Coming out is hard, but it can be very rewarding- I've found mostly, people will support you or it simply won't be a problem. And if they do have an issue with it- then maybe they aren't worth being in your life anyway.

[Sunandmoon]

He might not be homophobic, but you have to admit springing your love for him might have been difficult for him to deal with. Like I'm sure he probably thought you two were just friends before you told him and he doesn't want to ruin that. You two were obviously good enough friends if you felt comfortable enough to tell him. You probably caught him really off guard and he probably isn't sure what to do. This distance he's showing can be seen in any situation where there's one person who's attracted to another but the other person doesn't feel the same way. I don't think it's about sexuality, it's just about him not feeling the same way about you as you do to him, so he probably doesn't want to feel like he's leading you on and give your hopes up. Another thing, I don't think you should get revenge on him by messing with his ex girlfriend. Why do you feel like you should get revenge? He doesn't feel the same way about you because he's straight, but he didn't intentionally hurt you or anything. Doing that would make things way worse and might ruin your friendship completely.

[dennisvkn]

Aw... I'm sorry for that Cool25 , I think she will change her mind one day because you were born like that and it can't be change easily.
And Thank y'all for your advice
True, I better wait for a good time to tell them.

Originally Posted by Cool25

I think your confession of your feelings probably made him feel uncomfortable, given that he is straight. So, not knowing him, I can't say whether he is homophobic or not, but I think he was a just a little freaked out/didn't know what to do or say. As for dating his ex-girlfriend- I don't think that's a particularly wise idea especially if you are just doing that to hurt him. He's straight, and while it really really sucks (I know from experience), you will get over him.

Originally Posted by Cool25

He might not be homophobic, but you have to admit springing your love for him might have been difficult for him to deal with. Like I'm sure he probably thought you two were just friends before you told him and he doesn't want to ruin that. You two were obviously good enough friends if you felt comfortable enough to tell him. You probably caught him really off guard and he probably isn't sure what to do. This distance he's showing can be seen in any situation where there's one person who's attracted to another but the other person doesn't feel the same way. I don't think it's about sexuality, it's just about him not feeling the same way about you as you do to him, so he probably doesn't want to feel like he's leading you on and give your hopes up. Another thing, I don't think you should get revenge on him by messing with his ex girlfriend. Why do you feel like you should get revenge? He doesn't feel the same way about you because he's straight, but he didn't intentionally hurt you or anything. Doing that would make things way worse and might ruin your friendship completely.

You're right, he might not be homophobic, but he is just too straight. And maybe dating his ex will be more complicated for us since I'm more into guy lol - bad idea. But this guy is really strange, I don't know what does he think, sometimes he comes up to me but sometimes he ignores me.

Now he acts like we're close friend, do you think we will have a chance to be bestfriend again? I've ask this question with some friends (with a proof that I ask for other person,haha), some of them said that it isn't possible.

[Tracker57]

Put yourself into his shoes. If someone really fell for you, but you weren't into him, you'd probably be uncomfortable being around him. You'd know that he had feelings for you that you couldn't give back. Give him space. If he's a good friend, he'll be back.