so as the title says i just recently came out to my mom and as i believe she "disown" or :"rejected" me. im not sure what to do, but right now i feel so lost. all my friends know and they are all very supportive. i also told a couple more family members and im either getting "its a phase", "im making horrible choices" or "its an abomination and i need jesus to heal me". im honestly tired of this bullshit and i want people to love me or be there for me for me, not for someone ive had to hide for years. at this point im 18 and realize i dont need my mom in my life? can anyone give me advice on what i should do?!?!help!!:icon_redf
First of all, sorry to hear about your mum's reaction along with other family members. Second, at the age of 18 you generally do not necessarily need the support of your family although I would not advise leaving them until you are 100% certain that you can support yourself. I would, however, wait a moment and perhaps sit your mum down and talk to her about it. Most of the time the rejection is merely just the mother or father coming to terms that the person they thought you were effectively no longer exists and is perhaps like a death to them. Show them that you are still the same old person that they know, love and raised. All that has really changed is who you fancy and you are still who you are. You still like the same things as you did before, you still do the same things as you did before, your personality is still the same. Also show them that you still need their love and support and that you still love them. The bond of parent and child should still be there and once the initial shock is over there is a good chance they would be more likely to be accepting of who you are. Perhaps look on the internet and direct your mother to online sources that will help her come to terms with your orientation. Best of luck (*hug*)
If the general reaction from your family was that of "You need to be healed" and your mother would actually consider disowning you, I think the best thing you can do for now is maybe stay with a friend if possible and try to weather the storm. There's nothing you can do to change being bisexual, and it's not a choice. If your family doesn't understand that, and are willing to reject you because of their own blind ignorance, that's not your fault. Unfortunately, sometimes religious convictions get in the way of what should be a family's top priority, which is to be being supportive of their children and to care for them. I'm sorry that coming out didn't go well at all, but if your family won't accept you after you explain to them that it's not a disease that needs to be cured, and it's not a choice, you need to move on.
I wouldn't necessarily say to move on, like Eric said. My family's initial (and remaining reaction) is that it's almost like a disease that can be cured if I pray hard enough. Has that stopped me from living in the house? Nope. They're still my family and they need to learn that it isn't something that can be "miraculously cured". They've reassured me that they still love me and accept me, no matter what, and, that they'll still be there for me. If you love your family, then I think it's okay to fight for them as well (and their acceptance). Sometimes, moving on, might mean giving up or running away, which would just seem like you're making it more easy for them to label you as a disease. But, if things are really bad at home, then, do, stay somewhere else until things are more calm at home.
No offense but the religious thing is getting really annoy. We all are human, how could your family members say such things to you? I'm sorry about your mom's reaction, but don't ever say that you don't need your mom anymore, I believe someday she will think clearly about it, so just keep calm, ask your friends to talk to your mom (and the family members if they could) about being like that is not a choice or whatsoever, you were born like that and always are. Just give them sometimes to think, especially your mom, and you yourself just stay strong, don't get down by their opinions no matter what, you wanted to let them know not ask them to comment about it. Good luck !
I come from a very religious family (Hindus), and for my parents, God is a big part of what they believe occurs in life and the afterlife. My parents are open to "facts", but their minds are very much geared towards God-like things. I don't think it's wrong, because that's their belief and whatnot, but I agree with you: Family shouldn't turn you down. If they did, then what the hell are Family for, right?
Yes ! That's right ! So be strong, I believe your mom will understand and support you. Again wish you all the luck !
The Gay Debate Made Easy - YouTube Try sending her this video, it's what I plan to do with my mom if she doesn't like it.
