Came out to my parents...

[Marlowe]

So far, all of the people to whom I have come out, two friends and my brother, have been really supportive. I finally got up the courage to send a letter to my parents after talking with my brother with the idea that they would have some time to digest it and then we could talk when I came home for break.

My mom emailed me back this morning (haven't heard from my dad), and while I was sort of expecting this, I wasn't really prepared. She did say she loved and always would and that wanted me to be happy, but the largest portion of the email was explaining how, "I had imagined what I will call a "family" life for you," and how having children is, "sending off a part of oneself into the future." In many ways, this resonates very deeply with me because it is a loss I feel acutely as well.

I just don't know how to sort this out. I don't know if I should write her back or if I need to give her some more space and time -- maybe I should have told them after Christmas break. I feel like I did when my grandmother died. With a heavy heart, I just want to crawl back in bed and sleep so that when I wake up I will find that this was only a dream.

[Hana Solo]

I'm sorry she reacted like that. She's probably just insecure. You've had years to get used to this. She's had maybe a few days. Give her time to come around. She shouldn't try to push what she wants onto you. Besides, a family isn't out of the question- you can always adopt

Congrats on coming out though!

[No One]

That is tough, but at least she said she loved you. A lot of people dont even get that.

You should write her back and explain that just because you are gay, doesn't mean you can't have a family. You can have a house with a white picket fence, a dog, and 2.5 children just like everyone else. The only difference is that you will be sharing that family with another man. Yes, it wont be EXACTLY how she imagined it, but chances are it wouldn't have been anyway.

[Marlowe]

Thank you both for your support.

The plot thickens. She has asked me if I would be willing to wait to tell my dad. (She has said she will delete the email from his account.) Right now, he is going through a really stressful time related to his job (he might be laid off or have to take a substantial paycut -- we are the 99%) and she thinks that this is too much extra for him to contend with at the moment. I don't doubt her motivation, and I tend to agree with her. Money has always been a stressful issue in my family. But it changes a lot.

[Doctor Faustus]

Hi Marlowe,

Just read the letter and wanted to give you a big hug for having the courage to write something down, an opportunity I never got myself (I was outed by a relative).

No, you can still raise a family, as others have pointed out. It'll be different though because you will have a husband not a wife, but difference is unique. It's special.

Hana is right: your mum probably is insecure at this stage. Not telling your dad right now might be a wise idea. I think you need to give your parents time and space to digest and accept. What matters most is that you do what feels right to you. Trust your judgement but also trust yourself to hold judgement until you're comfortable. Deal with things step by step, in your own time and on your own terms.

Hope this helps. Do write to me if you need to.

Warmest Christmas wishes,

Gah-Kai.

[Hidinginalabama]

Its not easy for almost any one even your parents to find out that you are gay. But just give her some time and she will come around. I am sorry to hear that she didnt take it good and I hope she starts to accept you fast. And dont forget it gets better.