I could use...something... Anything. - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

zbjj · 18th Dec 2011, 12:40 AM

My dad is a member of the American Legion and on Saturdays I hang out with him for karaoke. I have been in a bit of a funk the last couple of weeks and tonight he called me out on it. I was having trouble saying what was on my mind and he could tell that something was eating me up inside. After he said that I blurted out to him that I thought I was gay. He was surprised, but held his cool. He said he wants to talk about the issue when the two of us can be alone and he told me that he is going to keep an open mind as I try to explain to him what's going through my mind. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but I'm wondering what sort of information I should have for him when we get together to speak in a few days or so. I'm not "certain" of my sexuality, but I"m starting to feel more sure. I feel like I came out too soon, but I don't want to take any steps backwards now. Any advice?

LdSlnce · 18th Dec 2011, 01:19 AM

Let him know that you're pretty sure, but not too sure. Just tell him exactly how you feel about it. That's really all you can do. Don't ever back out. It's a terrible idea that will kill you inside. I say this because I know

But good luck(:

Hana Solo · 18th Dec 2011, 02:12 AM

At least it sounds like he's willing to listen to you

Hidinginalabama · 18th Dec 2011, 01:40 PM

All I can say is tell him how you feel right now. It sounds like your dad is a great guy for keeping an open mind on what your going to tell him and everything. There is nuthing as coming out to soon. Coming out is when your ready for it. And to me it sounds like your ready just that you are still afraid of what he could say and there is nuthing that you really can do to get ready for that. Just keep thinking of how you feel and try to put that to words. I know it hard to do that but take your time. And if you dont feel ready when you dad want to talk then tell him you are just not ready and he should understand. Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

Aeon Magus · 18th Dec 2011, 02:21 PM

When you can't take a step back, then you can only go forward. You told him that you thought you were gay, so when you do have your talk with him, tell him that again. You think you might be, as you're not certain yet. Reassure him that once you do figure yourself out, you will tell him.
It doesn't need to be a rushed coming out when you're still uncertain.

zbjj · 19th Dec 2011, 01:57 PM

Thank you for the advice. I talk to my dad tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

zbjj · 20th Dec 2011, 02:56 PM

An update: I wasn't able to talk to my dad today. He had to take his girlfriend to the hospital this afternoon. He told me he doesn't think it's anything serious, most likely an ear infection of some kind, but we have to postpone our talk until later this week. At least it gives me another day or so to gather my thoughts.

**Lexington** · 20th Dec 2011, 03:33 PM

You might swing by PFLAG and look at some of the print-out-able things they have available. He might not need any of them, but it might be nice to have them available if he does.

Next time, just do Diana Ross's "I'm Coming Out" at karaoke.

Lex

zbjj · 22nd Dec 2011, 03:01 PM

Thanks again to everyone who's responded. I spoke with my dad today. It was awkward, but I think the conversation ended with a new level of understanding between both parties. He even gave me the name of a gay friend in case I have any questions. It was a good day.

Zach · 23rd Dec 2011, 12:42 PM

It was very nice of your dad to give you the name of a gay friend.

Your dad sounds awesome. I hope things keep getting better for you.

And because of your avatar ..... I'm going to have to dig out and dust off my dvd of The Princess Bride

seeksanctuary · 24th Dec 2011, 12:27 AM

Congrats! Sounds like it went nicely. :]

18th Dec 2011, 12:40 AM	#1
zbjj Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: just my dad Age: 23 Posts: 46 Join Date: Dec 2011	I could use...something... Anything. My dad is a member of the American Legion and on Saturdays I hang out with him for karaoke. I have been in a bit of a funk the last couple of weeks and tonight he called me out on it. I was having trouble saying what was on my mind and he could tell that something was eating me up inside. After he said that I blurted out to him that I thought I was gay. He was surprised, but held his cool. He said he wants to talk about the issue when the two of us can be alone and he told me that he is going to keep an open mind as I try to explain to him what's going through my mind. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but I'm wondering what sort of information I should have for him when we get together to speak in a few days or so. I'm not "certain" of my sexuality, but I"m starting to feel more sure. I feel like I came out too soon, but I don't want to take any steps backwards now. Any advice?

18th Dec 2011, 01:19 AM	#2
LdSlnce Banned Regular Member Gender: Fancy Orientation: I like who I like Out Status: It's getting complicated! Location: Not On Your Street Posts: 153 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. Let him know that you're pretty sure, but not too sure. Just tell him exactly how you feel about it. That's really all you can do. Don't ever back out. It's a terrible idea that will kill you inside. I say this because I know But good luck(:

18th Dec 2011, 02:12 AM	#3
Hana Solo EC's Dear Abby- talk to me! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Mostly into girls Out Status: Closet is getting a little crowded Location: Not even a dot on the Australian map Age: 17 Posts: 1,096 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. At least it sounds like he's willing to listen to you __________________ Thor: No matter what he's done, Loki is from Asgard and is my brother Black Widow: He killed 80 people in two days. Thor: ...adopted. ~The Avengers, 2012

18th Dec 2011, 01:40 PM	#4
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. All I can say is tell him how you feel right now. It sounds like your dad is a great guy for keeping an open mind on what your going to tell him and everything. There is nuthing as coming out to soon. Coming out is when your ready for it. And to me it sounds like your ready just that you are still afraid of what he could say and there is nuthing that you really can do to get ready for that. Just keep thinking of how you feel and try to put that to words. I know it hard to do that but take your time. And if you dont feel ready when you dad want to talk then tell him you are just not ready and he should understand. Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

18th Dec 2011, 02:21 PM	#5
Aeon Magus EC's Blue Gaylien Full Member Gender: I go peepee standing up xD Orientation: I'm a Man's Man Out Status: The people that I care about most. Location: South Africa Posts: 2,259 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. When you can't take a step back, then you can only go forward. You told him that you thought you were gay, so when you do have your talk with him, tell him that again. You think you might be, as you're not certain yet. Reassure him that once you do figure yourself out, you will tell him. It doesn't need to be a rushed coming out when you're still uncertain. __________________ Sing me a Painting, I'll paint you a Song Inside my heart is breaking. My make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on. The show must go on.

19th Dec 2011, 01:57 PM	#6
zbjj Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: just my dad Age: 23 Posts: 46 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. Thank you for the advice. I talk to my dad tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

20th Dec 2011, 02:56 PM	#7
zbjj Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: just my dad Age: 23 Posts: 46 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. An update: I wasn't able to talk to my dad today. He had to take his girlfriend to the hospital this afternoon. He told me he doesn't think it's anything serious, most likely an ear infection of some kind, but we have to postpone our talk until later this week. At least it gives me another day or so to gather my thoughts.

20th Dec 2011, 03:33 PM	#8
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,372 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I could use...something... Anything. You might swing by PFLAG and look at some of the print-out-able things they have available. He might not need any of them, but it might be nice to have them available if he does. Next time, just do Diana Ross's "I'm Coming Out" at karaoke. Lex

22nd Dec 2011, 03:01 PM	#9
zbjj Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: just my dad Age: 23 Posts: 46 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. Thanks again to everyone who's responded. I spoke with my dad today. It was awkward, but I think the conversation ended with a new level of understanding between both parties. He even gave me the name of a gay friend in case I have any questions. It was a good day.

23rd Dec 2011, 12:42 PM	#10
Zach Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Family and friends, and a couple of people at work Location: Janesville Wisconsin Posts: 191 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: I could use...something... Anything. It was very nice of your dad to give you the name of a gay friend. Your dad sounds awesome. I hope things keep getting better for you. And because of your avatar ..... I'm going to have to dig out and dust off my dvd of The Princess Bride Last edited by Zach; 23rd Dec 2011 at 12:46 PM..

24th Dec 2011, 12:27 AM	#11
seeksanctuary Weary Traveller Full Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty much everyone that matters. Location: USA Age: 24 Posts: 402 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: I could use...something... Anything. Congrats! Sounds like it went nicely. :] __________________ but there's no sense crying over every mistake you just keep on trying 'til you run out of cake...