It went pretty good I guess

[ukeye]

I came out 3 years ago now when I was 22. At the time, I had never left my hometown which is quite conservative, country and backward. I decided to take the plunge, got a job in the nearest city and lived with friends in a sharehouse. Probably a big motivator for me moving was that I felt so trapped about my sexuality.. I knew I was gay and I wanted to be independent, start my career and start working it out. The sharehouse I moved into consisted of a few couples and some buddies from school. It was really a party house, non stop clubbing people staying over. I found myself really withdrawn from the rest of the people there.. I didn't want to go to dance clubs, drink heaps and definitely did not want to pick up women hehe.

I felt as though I was a late bloomer.. and confided in a close friend of mine who was a lesbian (also from school). She was the first person I came out too.. I told her that I know we had grown apart over the years since school, and I had kind of turned into a bit of a recluse.. more focused on just finishing my studies and kind of had avoided contacting her. I told her basically that I wanted her to hang out with me and take me to the gay clubs. She took it quite well, and was excited to get me out and about. At the same time I was focusing on getting my own appartment, which I did a few months after. I was glad to be out of the sharehouse and on my own.. It gave me the flexibility to get out there.

Before I moved, I decided to tell a close buddy in the sharehouse.. We met at a pub and it was really quite embarassing.. I spilled my drink all over myself in the process.. It was nerve racking!! But in the end, he was totally cool with it, and although a little shocked didn't care. He felt a bit inferior, as both of us had not really had a girlfriend/romantic life up until this point.. kind of like he was questioning himself a bit. I do think he is straight though hehe.

Going to a gay club with my lesbian friend for the first time was an amazing experience. I felt as though I was in the right place, but at the same time very awkward. I didn't feel I fit into the stereotype, and I felt as though I was the odd one out. Despite all that, I returned and managed to meet a few guys and experiment/have some fun .. after some time, my job ended and basically left me with little options to stay in the city. I had come out though, I was happy, relieved and felt like my life was starting to take off..Basically I had developed an understanding and acceptance of myself for the first time in my life.

I knew I was gay from my early teens, but had suppressed it. When I was 18/19 was when I wanted to be taking this step, but life caught up with me and my dad passed away at this time. For the years in between, I was quite grief stricken and felt obliged to follow in his footsteps I guess.. lead a 'Normal' 'straight' life. This caused me to fall into a deep depression for these years. All the things I was doing, including my uni degree were what my dad 'would have wanted me to do', or so I thought. Now that I look back on this period, I realise that all I was doing was living a lie.. basically a false reality of what I thought 'I had to do'

Even though losing my job meant moving from the city, I chose to move home for a bit. I guess whats strange about my coming out is that in my hometown, although backward.. I had some very close older gay friends. It wasn't until I left and came out on my own accord that I felt comfortable telling them. I ended up living near them for a while, and their support was amazing.. I learnt a lot about gay lifestyle from them and was in an accepting environment for the first time in my life. I don't know why I never told them I was gay, but through my own insecurities and fears, and I guess that they were older I never felt comfortable. I also guess I had to come out to myself.

I came out to my mum and brother - they were both pretty shocked at first.. No one had really suspected it - I am quite a masculine guy I guess, people still are surprised when I tell them sometimes. My mum was really accepting of it over time, and my brother really does not care hehe.

After a while back home, I decided to move again to another city where I am now.. which holds new challenges as well. I decided so much of my pre-coming out life was wasted and I was just living a lie. The course I studied at uni was marketing, but now after having had a few jobs in the field I have no interest in it.. it is absolutely not what I want to do. So now I am going back to uni to do psychology. I feel like this is something I will be good at so I really feel like I'm on the right path now. Luckily, having done my previous studies, the course will take half the time it normally would - so not all was wasted

So that's where I am at now. It has taken me quite a while to get where I am today. I have had to face a lot of daemons head on. I have my good days and bad like every one else, but overall I am a happier person. I have learnt that having support is the best thing in life. When I was closeted, I was so scared to be honest with people or even have an opinion.. I felt as though I was damaged or abnormal and had to act or be a certain way. At 25, I now feel like I am ready to have a decent relationship. Its something I have never had but to be honest, Its something I have not felt ready for. Coming out for me has been an ongoing drawn out journey, but I have regained faith in myself and in the future. I feel really good about the New Year and have more freedom than I've ever had. Thanks for reading!

[Hana Solo]

I'm so glad you're happy! And boy, do I know about living a lie in order to be 'normal'. I'd hidden from myself so well that I wasn't aware I was hiding!

[hulu735]

Its good that you're happy now! Doesn't it feel good to come out?