My Story

[JoshB]

I've been on here awhile, and haven't really posted much until really recently. However, that is beyond the point; I've been meaning to post my story since I joined.

Last year, I was talking to my friend's brother on chat, and I knew he was gay, so I thought, why not? He would be accepting, and it was instant friendship--well, that friendship got bad because I wanted to be more than just friends. He knew it wouldn't work out, partly because I was not out.

He said I should tell his brother (one of my best friends) that I am gay. I was shocked at his response, he was surprised, and said he wouldn't have a problem with it as long as I didn't try anything with him (which I never would). He wanted to know if I had told a really close mutual friend of ours, which I hadn't yet. Both he, and his brother told me I should tell her.

So, I told her. She wasn't surprised at all. Her description of how she knew included how I walked, and how I talked. Which, at first angered me, because I didn't understand how one could tell if someone was gay how they walked, maybe a little bit more how they talked--but, I don't have the "gay" voice as they call it. She shortly became known as the "secret agent," and would find out information about certain people, certain guys that we went to school with, one of which was my best friend's brother.

I was alerted by my best friend that the cat wouldn't be able to stay in the bag through the rest of the year, especially with the group of people we sat with at lunch. He was right, because within a week, it was out of the bag. The entire school knew, considering our school is less than six hundred people. I could tell people were talking about me, and it became known to me that I needed a support system, that included my close knit group of friends. I did lose friends, especially those that thought I was hitting on them, or liked them, I got over that realizing that they weren't really friends if they left me.

Anyways, to shorten it up a little bit, it was figured out that I became attached to his brother, and my secret agent helped me through that. Every time I thought about or texted him (without a response) him, I texted her, and we ended up fighting over this. This is how we found out that I am clingy, but I've improved on that issue.

Her, and my other friends pushed me to tell my parents. Telling my Mom was much easier than telling my Dad, and I really don't talk to my Dad much about it, even now.

I know some people have had it worse than I with coming out, but my parents are fairly accepting. My mom is extremely accepting, but that is because of her brother. My dad had a hard time at first, but he eventually, and is still in the process of being accepting.

Yeah, I know, not all that amazing of a story, but that's it.

Oh, and if you're wondering: I no longer talk with my former best-friend's (who I am still friends with) brother. We both have gone our separate ways, and I've found new friends.

[jargon]

Thanks for sharing your story! I'm still yet to come out completely (to the general public I mean... even after that I'm not likely to bring it up to certain family members if they don't hear it elsewhere first) so it helps to hear how people in a small community react. I'm already into college - a moderately big school - but I live in a small town and a lot of the people I know are in the area.

[anatta]

Thanks for sharing. Fairly positive stories are important to have out there too, and people do enjoy reading them.

Originally Posted by JoshB

So, I told her. She wasn't surprised at all. Her description of how she knew included how I walked, and how I talked. Which, at first angered me, because I didn't understand how one could tell if someone was gay how they walked, maybe a little bit more how they talked--but, I don't have the "gay" voice as they call it.

You can't, but it does improve your guess work. Research finds people's guesses are correct at a higher rate than you'd get through random chance when they watch videos showing strangers' body language or listen to their voices. But there isn't one 'gay voice' (or one straight one) that people pick up on, it can be all sorts of different cues; anything from speaking more clearly than most men to having a pleasantly softer, gentle tone. I know several men who people tend to accurately suspect are gay from their voices, and they all sound very different from one another. So I wouldn't be offended, it doesn't mean anything too specific about how you come across, you're just as much an individual whether some people can guess that you're gay or not.

My sister has asked me twice whether I'm a transsexual, which I'm probably not, just based on my personality. It was funny to me that she jumped all the way to transsexual, skipping so much of the genderqueer spectrum to get there. Like you, I had no idea I gave out any kind of LGBT vibe whatsoever, but I'm now cool with it if I do.

[RebelD]

Stories like yours give me hope that maybe my parents won't completely freak out. Thanks

[BudderMC]

It doesn't matter whether it was exciting or not, the fact is, you're out, and you should be happy about that. Now you can graduate and go off to whatever post-secondary you want and not have to stress about coming out and all that. You can just enjoy the supposed "best years of your life" (not only that, but as the REAL you )

[JoshB]

Originally Posted by jargon

Thanks for sharing your story! I'm still yet to come out completely (to the general public I mean... even after that I'm not likely to bring it up to certain family members if they don't hear it elsewhere first) so it helps to hear how people in a small community react. I'm already into college - a moderately big school - but I live in a small town and a lot of the people I know are in the area.

Glad that I could help--it took me quite sometime, and trust me, it takes courage. I completely understand regarding certain family members, for example, my on Aunt, I probably will never tell directly.

Originally Posted by anatta

You can't, but it does improve your guess work. Research finds people's guesses are correct at a higher rate than you'd get through random chance when they watch videos showing strangers' body language or listen to their voices. But there isn't one 'gay voice' (or one straight one) that people pick up on, it can be all sorts of different cues; anything from speaking more clearly than most men to having a pleasantly softer, gentle tone. I know several men who people tend to accurately suspect are gay from their voices, and they all sound very different from one another. So I wouldn't be offended, it doesn't mean anything too specific about how you come across, you're just as much an individual whether some people can guess that you're gay or not.

Thanks, and I have always wondered why we, as Humans, clue in on certain things to think someone is this (gay), or that (straight). It would be interesting to know why that happens.

Originally Posted by RebelD

Stories like yours give me hope that maybe my parents won't completely freak out. Thanks

You're welcome, and I'm glad I could help!

Originally Posted by BudderMC

It doesn't matter whether it was exciting or not, the fact is, you're out, and you should be happy about that. Now you can graduate and go off to whatever post-secondary you want and not have to stress about coming out and all that. You can just enjoy the supposed "best years of your life" (not only that, but as the REAL you )

I'm looking forward to the best years, yet. The real me will surface much more when I'm out of the small-town life, I'm sure of that. Either way, I'm still who I am.

Oh, and a quick update: I've been recently been described as "an interesting character." I took that as a compliment.

[Chip]

Hi, Josh. If I haven't said it already elsewhere, welcome to EC, and thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like you've already been through the most difficult parts and had, all things considered, a pretty good time of things.

I will disagree with those who say that other people can't tell someone is gay. Is it absolutely, positively, without a doubt accurate? Not usually... but someone with good "gaydar" can usually tell in almost every case. A friend of mine who is known in our circle as the Gaydar Jedi (and who is straight) has an uncanny ability to pick people out sometimes years before they actually come out, and has been 100% accurate so far. Some of the things are definitely stereotypes, but those stereotypes often have elements of truth to them. So much so that I and my friends often make sort of a game of playing "find the hidden fairy" which is basically identifying people we think might be gay (and usually closeted) among our circle of friends and then just waiting to see if we're right... and we usually are

So I wouldn't sweat it. Once you're fully out and comfortable with it amongst everyone, you won't care if people know, it will be about as interesting as being left-handed or something

I hope you stick around EC. It's a great community of people and it's always nice to have new people contributing to the conversations.

[JoshB]

Originally Posted by Chip

Hi, Josh. If I haven't said it already elsewhere, welcome to EC, and thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like you've already been through the most difficult parts and had, all things considered, a pretty good time of things.

I will disagree with those who say that other people can't tell someone is gay. Is it absolutely, positively, without a doubt accurate? Not usually... but someone with good "gaydar" can usually tell in almost every case. A friend of mine who is known in our circle as the Gaydar Jedi (and who is straight) has an uncanny ability to pick people out sometimes years before they actually come out, and has been 100% accurate so far. Some of the things are definitely stereotypes, but those stereotypes often have elements of truth to them. So much so that I and my friends often make sort of a game of playing "find the hidden fairy" which is basically identifying people we think might be gay (and usually closeted) among our circle of friends and then just waiting to see if we're right... and we usually are

So I wouldn't sweat it. Once you're fully out and comfortable with it amongst everyone, you won't care if people know, it will be about as interesting as being left-handed or something

I hope you stick around EC. It's a great community of people and it's always nice to have new people contributing to the conversations.

I think its awesome when someone's gaydar is right on. For the most part, I'm out to everyone besides those who are incapable of handling it. And, I'm surely planning on sticking around EC.

[KrisBrooks]

New guy here...
anyways, I'm quite glad that you had the confidence to come out, and that you are being proud with it. Some people can end up embarrassed of themselves!

[JoshB]

Originally Posted by KrisBrooks

New guy here...
anyways, I'm quite glad that you had the confidence to come out, and that you are being proud with it. Some people can end up embarrassed of themselves!

Thank you. Much of it has to do with time, time to grow into who they ultimately will be. For some, that is during late childhood, or their teens, and for some it isn't until later in life. Coming out, and not being embarrassed of yourself is a time sensitive matter.