Mom ... not sure how to take this... - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

MommaFrog · 31st Dec 2011, 08:56 AM

So yesterday me and my mom were cleaning the house my grandparents are moving into. My (step-)dad, uncle, and male cousin had left a mess, then left the house to go load up furniture. My mom started complaining about the mess and how messy men are. This is the conversation once she was complaining about men...

Me: That's why I'm done with men for now
Mom: -laughs-
Me: You think I'm joking. I'm serious. I'm sick of men.
Mom: -keeps laughing-
Me: Mom, I'm dead serious. You think I'm joking. One day I'm going to introduce you to someone and say "Mom, This is my girlfriend" and you're going to freak out, but I've warned you.
Mom: My name nothing you do anymore would surprise me

The conversation continued about how my (step-)dad would freak out about it and not be able to accept it. The conversation then slowly drifted back into "normal" things like if my daughter was still napping.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to take this... I've tried to tell her before and usually she just changes the subject...

hulu735 · 31st Dec 2011, 09:09 AM

She may just be changing the subject do to shock. My mother didn't like to talk about it at first only because of the shock. But now she can talk about whenever we like. Another reason she may be changing the subject is because of the way that you're making it sound like a joke. One more theory is that she does not have a problem with it, so she finds no need to keep to the subject.

If your pretty sure that she doesn't get it(i dropped the most obvious hints and my mom did get it, i even called a guy hot once and she didn't get it), just tell her that you need to tell her that tell her something. Just flat tell her that you're pan-sexual.

As for your step dad, depending on the relationship that you two have, it won't really matter what he thinks.

-Hulu

FleetFish · 31st Dec 2011, 10:44 AM

It sounds like she is trying to ignore the subject so it will just go away. Like if she refuses to acknowledge it, it's basically as if it wasn't so. Perhaps there is a bit of denial in there as well.

Alternatively, she may truly think it is a phase, because you've mostly dated guys, and even married/had a kid with one. So she may think you are just backlashing against males, because of your recent bad experience...?

Either way it's frustrating that she isn't taking you seriously. :/

I would say just give it time, and when you have a serious girlfriend, she can't say you didn't warn her!

BudderMC · 31st Dec 2011, 11:40 AM

Well, you warned her, and it's a good start!

I think part of her reaction comes from the way all of us take serious news... it's hard to swallow and treat with the utmost seriousness unless you're outright saying it. Which is why we get those coming out stories where people we're telling have to ask multiple times because it comes out subtly. Just because the way we think it out seems so blatantly obvious to us doesn't always mean it is to the receiver, simply because it's on our minds all the time. (though, you did say it pretty flat-out)

I wouldn't worry about it too much unless something else comes of it. She didn't outright reject it, or outright avoid it, so it could've been much worse.

MommaFrog · 1st Jan 2012, 11:51 AM

I'm trying to stay positive.

I have in a serious way told her I'm attracted to women before, but she attributed it to my age this first time, being in college the second time, and my divorce the third time... it's like she has to find an excuse not to believe me... and I just feel like I need someone in my everyday life to know... and to accept me and love me for who I am

Fugs · 1st Jan 2012, 12:20 PM

Well, we might not always be available but we accept you and love you for who you are ^.^

MommaFrog · 1st Jan 2012, 12:23 PM

Awwww Fugs!!!! That's so sweet I <3 ya'll too

I ment someone that is here, in person, in front of me, like, Where I live... no offense

31st Dec 2011, 08:56 AM	#1
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Mom ... not sure how to take this... So yesterday me and my mom were cleaning the house my grandparents are moving into. My (step-)dad, uncle, and male cousin had left a mess, then left the house to go load up furniture. My mom started complaining about the mess and how messy men are. This is the conversation once she was complaining about men... Me: That's why I'm done with men for now Mom: -laughs- Me: You think I'm joking. I'm serious. I'm sick of men. Mom: -keeps laughing- Me: Mom, I'm dead serious. You think I'm joking. One day I'm going to introduce you to someone and say "Mom, This is my girlfriend" and you're going to freak out, but I've warned you. Mom: My name nothing you do anymore would surprise me The conversation continued about how my (step-)dad would freak out about it and not be able to accept it. The conversation then slowly drifted back into "normal" things like if my daughter was still napping. Honestly, I'm not sure how to take this... I've tried to tell her before and usually she just changes the subject... __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

31st Dec 2011, 09:09 AM	#2
hulu735 Well Known Full Member Gender: Transgender- Male to Female Orientation: I like people, not genders. Out Status: Not out about my gender, out about my sexuality Location: North Dakota, USA Posts: 155 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... She may just be changing the subject do to shock. My mother didn't like to talk about it at first only because of the shock. But now she can talk about whenever we like. Another reason she may be changing the subject is because of the way that you're making it sound like a joke. One more theory is that she does not have a problem with it, so she finds no need to keep to the subject. If your pretty sure that she doesn't get it(i dropped the most obvious hints and my mom did get it, i even called a guy hot once and she didn't get it), just tell her that you need to tell her that tell her something. Just flat tell her that you're pan-sexual. As for your step dad, depending on the relationship that you two have, it won't really matter what he thinks. -Hulu

31st Dec 2011, 10:44 AM	#3
FleetFish I was following the I Full Member Gender: Whatever Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Ponyville Posts: 150 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... It sounds like she is trying to ignore the subject so it will just go away. Like if she refuses to acknowledge it, it's basically as if it wasn't so. Perhaps there is a bit of denial in there as well. Alternatively, she may truly think it is a phase, because you've mostly dated guys, and even married/had a kid with one. So she may think you are just backlashing against males, because of your recent bad experience...? Either way it's frustrating that she isn't taking you seriously. :/ I would say just give it time, and when you have a serious girlfriend, she can't say you didn't warn her! __________________ Saw a white dog chase its tail And a pair of hearts carved into a stone I saw kindness and an angel Crying, "Take me back home, take me back home"

31st Dec 2011, 11:40 AM	#4
BudderMC playing Devil's advocate. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I have caught 'the gay'. Out Status: Out at university! Location: Ontario, Canada Age: 20 Posts: 716 Join Date: Jun 2010	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... Well, you warned her, and it's a good start! I think part of her reaction comes from the way all of us take serious news... it's hard to swallow and treat with the utmost seriousness unless you're outright saying it. Which is why we get those coming out stories where people we're telling have to ask multiple times because it comes out subtly. Just because the way we think it out seems so blatantly obvious to us doesn't always mean it is to the receiver, simply because it's on our minds all the time. (though, you did say it pretty flat-out) I wouldn't worry about it too much unless something else comes of it. She didn't outright reject it, or outright avoid it, so it could've been much worse. __________________

1st Jan 2012, 11:51 AM	#5
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... I'm trying to stay positive. I have in a serious way told her I'm attracted to women before, but she attributed it to my age this first time, being in college the second time, and my divorce the third time... it's like she has to find an excuse not to believe me... and I just feel like I need someone in my everyday life to know... and to accept me and love me for who I am __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

1st Jan 2012, 12:20 PM	#6
Fugs EC's Local Furry Full Member Gender: Female, trans M-F (Wishes she was a kitty) Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Bowling Green, OH Age: 18 Posts: 408 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... Well, we might not always be available but we accept you and love you for who you are ^.^ __________________ We love youes! Please accept a hug from us so that we can give <( ^ω^)> (≧∇≦)/ (^O^)／ (^。^) (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ಠ_ರೃ your face the smile that everyone around you wants to see!

1st Jan 2012, 12:23 PM	#7
MommaFrog EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: All but family Location: Lake City, Fl Age: 21 Posts: 711 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Mom ... not sure how to take this... Awwww Fugs!!!! That's so sweet I <3 ya'll too I ment someone that is here, in person, in front of me, like, Where I live... no offense __________________ It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.