Came out to my sister but...

[Jerseyboy]

Heyy everyone =) so I just came out to my sister, and I really don't know what to think..

So I've been coming out to close friends for about the past 2 months, and I'm up to 8 people I think =) and I've really wanted to tell my sister for awhile. She's mt only other sibling and we've always been pretty close even though she's 6 years older. She's working now but still lives with our dad soi see her when I'm home from school on break like now. And I've never had a good oppurtunity until today..

So we are in my kitchen, just us in the house, and I'm helping her bag a dessert for some new years party she's going to tonight...So then we talk about where my dad was for the night, and then I ask her casually, "so when do you think I should tell dad?"..and she just looks at me, and was like "tell him what?" And I responded with, "that I'm gay." She looks at me, asks me again and I tell her again. Then she's silent. And while she does ask me a few questions like if I've ever been attracted to a girl and shit like that, she still remains pretty quite. She told me that she really didn't see it coming, which surprised me. But she told me that she still loved me and wanted me to be happy. While she was supportive, she also wasn't thrilled either, which is understandable. But I know not to expect everyone to scream foor joy that I told them and she really was chill with it and had genuine questions about if I've ever kissed a guy and we talked about how awkward bringing a guy to family events with our religious family is gunna be but it should at least keep things interesting...So why after all this do I not feel relieved telling her? Almost with everyone else it was immediate relief, but not with her, I almost feel...I don't know, guilty. Anyone else experience something similar coming out?

[WillowMaiden]

I definitely had a similar coming out which was just a little more awkward and less chill, but the beginning of how you told her, is exactly how I approached telling my family. It went badly to be honest, I had to write/rant about it on here even. But now everything is okay. I totally know what you're talking about with the not feeling relieved thing. I feel guilty sometimes I suppose for putting everyone in that position. I felt bad for bringing it up because I made everyone uncomfortable and that made me feel bad about being gay in the first place because if I wasn't then people wouldn't be crying, angry, and uncomfortable. When I feel that guilt, I just wish I never came out at all.

Maybe you feel the guilt because you saw that even though she was supportive, your sister still didn't like the idea of you being gay. I know that about my own family. Some of them are supportive, but I know even they would prefer I not be a lesbian at all and that makes me feel like...I don't know, deep down I'm disappointing them or something. Since they're people who I really care about and their opinion matters to me, I don't want to disappoint them. It hurts to disappoint them and I feel like a crap person for in some weird sense making them accept me as someone they're not happy with. But you know when I feel that way, I just have to remind myself that in the end how I feel about me, my level of happiness concerning who I am is what ultimately matters and I just push the guilt to the back of my mind. Of course it resurfaces from time to time, but for now it's nothing a few happy thoughts can't take care of.

Jeez, so many complicated emotions that go along with this coming out stuff.

For all it's worth, good for you for coming out again. Very proud of you. I'm glad your sister took it well. I hated coming out so much that I dread doing it again any time soon. I came out to my family only and since that went down the crapper, I told myself they were the only people who needed to know and that I wouldn't tell another person unless it was after a while getting to know them and idefinitely in private. Come out to a group of people again? No thanks. So far a coming out moment hasn't come yet in college, so I'm still kinda closeted for now.