It was new years eve and I was totally wasted. I'm writing because I'm not sure what's next. I was asked by a really close family member if I was gay and instead of denying like I always do I said yes. This man is a close family member and not someone I would have considered coming out to. He and his wife have been very supportive since have offered their help in coming out to my dad and sister when I'm ready and are keeping it to themselves until I'm ready. I don't know what to do but I feel like it might be time to just do it. Any ideas?
This guy you came out to and his wife seem to be awesome people and even if you didn't really came out to them on purpose, it might be a good thing that you did. If they asked, it means they knew already or at least strongly suspected anyway. Now, what to do next is entirely up to you. If you think it's time to come out to your immediate family, then it might be an occasion to seize. If you don't feel ready for it yet, it will be great anyway to have people you'll be able to ask for support when the time will be right. Take care and congratulations Cécile
I guess I'm not the best person to offer advice seeing as no one knows about me. You have support which happens to be close family. That is more than most guys have. I don't know how close you are to your family or whether they are against gays, but I know that some secrets hurt more with time. My opinion: go for it dude! Let me know how it goes or what you decide.
Thanks I've been thinking about it a lot but the hard part is that they've all said really hurtful things in the past. They didn't know about me when they said them but it makes it hard when you think they meant those things and that's how they would feel about you if you told them.
My family has said some bad things about gay people. Nothing like "line em up and shoot em" or anything violent like that. But my family is old school, believes gay people are pussies, never got an ass-whoopin by their 'rents, or that such. But often times these things they say are in a moment of bravado. Don't take them too seriously. Trust me when I say just because they may have an opinion, doesn't mean they won't treat you right. When you tell them, they are probably just as mad at themselves for saying those things than you. Believe you me, they are going down the list and cursing themselves. No doubt in my mind.
I know what your saying is probably true but it doesn't make it feel any easier to tell people who you think will hate you. Reading the stories people have written on here has given me some courage but I'm still really scared to tear down my walls and be me
That's completely natural. You've built these walls up over a long time now. You can't expect to tear them down in a day.
Take your time. I sure as hell am. A lot of time people just say things to make conversation or to make them feel better about themselves and get the approval of others. So don't let what they said bother you to much. There is no expiration date on coming out so you don't have to rush into it. I don't think it is ever gonna be easy, but no matter what happens you will always us at least.
He is right, take your time and don't rush things if you don't want to. And luckily you have people in your life that accept you, that is a very good thing, hold on to that feeling.
Thanks everyone you're all being helpful. I've been feeling better. It's just that I've never shared my feeling with anyone. Having done so now it's been pretty emotional. Thanks again.
This is way I came out. I was drunk and we were talking about the gay guys at the office. (We worked together then.) And I came out to him. And he was and is very supportive of me. But the key is don't let an accidental self-outing set the timetable for you. These are big steps and go at a pace where you will be comfortable. I'm going VERY slow and I'm getting advice from my therapist. (I'm very lucky that way.) Take your time. And don't be afraid to lean on family and friends for support. It will be a good new year! Tracker
There are times when you come out to people and you never thought you would but it happens. The man and his wife that you came out to sounds like great people. Just dont let coming out to them push you to start it faster than you want. It is up to you who and when you come out. No one can tell you when it is the right time or who to tell. Always keep your mind open on how people will take it. I know thats easy for me to say but I was in your shoes at one time. When I came out to my parents I thougth they wouldnt want to talk to me for mounths but I was totally wrong. I hope things work out for you just like you want and wishing you the best.
