Coming out countdown

Well, I'm less than a week from the day I tell my 3 adult children (31, 30, 27) that their good old dad is gay!!

Just a quick recap: My wife of 35 years found out I was having sex with men almost 3 years ago. I pleaded bisexuality, and have been faithful to her since that day. After these 3 years of stress, I finally came out to her in November and she's been very supportive. We've decided to divorce.

I thought it might be helpful to keep an ongoing log of my thoughts and feelings leading up to when we tell our kids, family, and freinds. So here goes:

1/7/12
Next weekend we will tell all three kids. We had thought about getting them all together, but decided to tell them separately instead. It was mostly a matter of logistics.

Friday we'll tell our middle daughter, who was living with us at the time my wife found out 3 years ago. She found out about me having sex with men the summer before last after a night of margs with my wife. She'll be the least surprised by my revelation. I hope she will accept the news.

Saturday, we'll go to Chicago to tell our oldest daughter. I have no idea how she'll react. She may be shocked but supportive or shocked and angry. She's a hard one to read.

Saturday night we'll tell our son. He was extremely homophobic when he was younger. I know he knows more gays and lesbians now, but he is likely to be devastated. I hope he doesn't go off the deep end. I think having my wife beside me, supporting me will make it easier for him. Time will tell.

I plan to tell them all personally and then ask them to read a two-page note telling them a little about my journey and why it's taken me so long to come out.

I'm sure that as the time gets closer, I'll start to freak out a little more. I know that doesn't do any good, but it may be inevitable. I just hope I can hold it together.

Sunday, my wife plans to tell one of her sisters who lives nearby.

That's it for now. I'll keep writing on this thread throughout the process. The weekend after next will be the big reveal to my closest siblings and their wives - a bunch of Baptists! Oh boy!! :bang:

I really do appreciate the support I feel from everyone on this site! (&&&) Please keep me in your thoughts.

 

1/11/12

Hi, all!

As the week goes on, my stomach is in more and more knots. I'm sleeping OK, but if I wake up in the night it takes a long time to go back to sleep. We filed divorce papers Monday and are meeting with real estate agents now.

I took some personal time this afternoon to collect my thoughts, try to decide how I'm going to begin the announcement with each of the kids, and write a one or two-page note to them.

This is going to be a bolt out of the blue for them. 2 of the 3 have no clue we've been less than the perfect couple. In addition to finding out about me, they'll be learning that their parents are divorcing and that the house the grew up in won't be home for much longer.

Last night after meeting with a realtor, my wife and I went out for a meal and drinks. At one point, about one and a half margaritas into the meal, my wife said something about everything that's going on and I couldn't help but start crying right at the table! :tears: Luckily the tables around us were empty!

I keep thinking about the reactions I'll get from the kids and it's almost more than I can bear. I'll be so glad when this part is over! I just wish I could spare them all the pain - I've become the king of keeping it all for myself.

I know this may all be projecting and it could easily go much better than I'm dreading, but there's just no way for me to be anything but scared shitless right now.

I do appreciate all the comments I've received. I read them once in awhile for comfort.

More later.

55bna

 

Man I love this site! Thanks for all the thoughts and wishes!

1/12/12

We told our middle daughter (age 30) tonight. One down and two to go. This daughter is the one who knew I had been with men in the past.

Here's how it went. We sat her down and I told her that we needed to tell her something. I mentioned the information she already knew and told her that even though we've tried hard for three years, it wasn't going to work out. She said that was one of the possibilities she had considered when we asked her to come over.

Then I asked her to read the letter I wrote. She went in another room and read it. When she came back out, it was obvious that she had been crying, but she was OK. She sat down next to my wife and they hugged. I asked if she had one for me too. She did and told me that she loved me.

We spent the next hour or so talking. Most of it centered on the affect the announcement will have on our son (27). We discussed a plan to tell him tomorrow night - all 3 of us. We know he's going to be absolutly floored. He doesn't handle emotion well and could well want to leave the house immediatly after finding out. Hopefully working together we can get him to stay or at least let our daughter drive and talk to each other.

I'm so happy that tonight went so well! (!) We'll all cross tomorrow's bridge together.

Stay tuned.