Freshly out of the closet (sorda)

[JohnnyBoy]

I'm a month shy of 22, go back to when I was 17 and that's when it began...

I always knew I was gay, although I used to not admit it to myself. I wasn't being true to others and myself, and I hated myself for it, so much I tried taking my life when I was 18. My friends knew I was unhappy, but the fact that I'm don't fit the "stereotype" of a homosexual, my friends/family never guessed I could be gay. After some much needed rehab and counseling, I decided it was time.

I came out to my two best friends first, both straight males. I've always felt closer with my guy friends and still am today. They both looked at me like "So what?". Slowly I started telling more and more of my close friends and before I knew it, it was out there to everyone my age and no one seemed to mind. Of course there were some caddy girls who couldn't keep their mouths shut and it ended up making its way around my parent's circle of friends. My parents stood up for me, not knowing I was gay, because deep down they believed I wasn't. About a year later, I told my sister. She was insanely shocked at first and broke down crying, but later realized I'm still an amazing little brother to her.

Fast forward again to the end of June 2011. I was starting summer class and saw a boy that I was instantly attracted to. I manned up asked him to go get coffee on a hunch he might be gay. We started spending more time together, getting lunch, hanging out, etc. For a month or so, he thought I was just a really friendly straight guy because "I wasn't giving off 'those' vibes". Well, one night it got late and said he could stay the night at my place so he didn't have to drive back home before class (he lived about 40 mins from campus). Well I made a move and it was like fireworks for both of us. It's almost been 9 months since we started dating and we couldn't be happier.

...now comes the big part, ACTUALLY telling my parents. My parents and I were never close and I didn't like sharing my personal feelings with them in person, and always felt I wrote better than I could talk. So, like an idiot, I thought email would be the best way to tell them In the end, it worked out as good way I guess, but hey I can't go back now. They took it just like I'd imagine. My dad, who is the coolest mo' fo' ever, doesn't care at all and told me to "Fuck the world and do what makes you happy". He's been so supportive through everything. My mother, not so much. Both are devout Catholics but my mother more so than my dad. She thinks its a phase and wants me to get extreme religious counseling (if anyone has personal experience with this, please PM me, thanks). While I'm officially out, only my good friends know about my boyfriend, I haven't told my parents yet. It'll happen in time and my relationship is getting more and more serious.

Anyway, thanks for reading....any questions or missing pieces I left out?

[Chip]

Hi, and welcome to EC!

Honestly, coming out to parents via email is more common than you might realize. And I know people that have done it over text, notes on the refrigerator, all sorts of things. So really, I think that's a perfectly fine way to address the issue.

As for the religious counseling... I'd politely decline. You can invite your mom to go to a PFLAG meeting and/or email her some PFLAG brochures. If she really insists on your doing something and you feel like humoring her, you could agree to go to a therapist (so long as it isn't a Christian therapist... most of them believe that orientation can be changed, which goes against the ethical guidelines to which they are held if they are licensed psychologists or social workers.)

But you may find that your mom will just come around if you give her some time. Remember you've been dealing with this for some time but it's probably very new to her (unless she's suspected) so it may be that once she thinks about it and calms down a bit... she will be fine.

[Hidinginalabama]

I have to say congrant and so happy that you have some one to be with. It makes it so much easier to have some one to be with.

[alex7song]

That's awesome that you came out! I love how your friends are that accepting! You must have some really good friends I wish you luck with your parents!

[Doctor Faustus]

Hiya,

Awesome work on coming out and getting a boyfriend . You need to be firm with your mother and assure her that to all intents and purposes it's not a phase. It may take a bit of getting used to, but she'll come round. When you mention (eventually) that you have a boyfriend, it'll be final then .

Keep us all posted. Best of luck with the romance.

Dr. Faustus.

[mnguy]

That's really great and congrats on the bf and coming out to your parents. The PFLAG info for your mom is a good idea and maybe your dad can help her come around to face the reality that there's no reason nor way for you to become straight. See if she'll watch "Prayers for Bobby" maybe. I bet she'll come around.

[alex7song]

Your dad and friends sound really supportive! Thats great! I wish you luck on your mom! I'm sure she will love you no matter what