Just emailed my brother about being gay - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Tesco · 24th Jan 2012, 12:02 AM

Sent him this, feels good

Hi XXX,

Sorry to interrupt your trip experience with this, but I wanted to write and let you know something about myself that I feel I’m ready to share with you. I would have preferred to tell you this in person, but I definitely wanted to say it before I lost the considerable courage it takes me to share with you: I’m gay.

I’m not sure how much of a shock this is or isn’t, but I definitely wanted to tell you before I make this more public. Really, this doesn’t change anything about me. I still walk around in my underwear, play too many videogames, think up weird business ideas, etc. All that changes is you knowing I’m attracted to boys.

I whole-heartedly believe you will be okay with this, and won’t think any differently about me. To be honest though, I did have some doubts in the past from seemingly negative comments you’ve made about gay-related stuff. I doubt you truly meant anything to be hurtful (and I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t even remember saying the things I refer to) but it did affect how comfortable I was with myself, so I wanted to let you know. That said, if you have any actual concerns, I definitely want to hear what you have to say and talk about them with you.

Just so you know, Mom and Dad have known since this summer (I actually ended up telling them in the midst of our fight on the way home from San Diego, so it’s a good thing I went home. Now Natalie doesn’t have to feel bad :P), and I am telling Kevin simultaneously via a separate email. Other than that, only a few friends have really known. This has honestly been something I have known about myself and have struggled with since my early teenage years, and I will continue to struggle with it to some degree as well. Sharing with Mom and Dad and having them accept it completely, though, was very important to becoming comfortable with myself, and I hope sharing with you will have the same effect.

I’m very happy and thankful to have you as a brother, and am really glad we’ve started to become closer recently. Being able to be vulnerable with people you trust, I believe, is what defines a meaningful relationship. I know it’s hard for both of us to share things and talk about ourselves, but I definitely want to reach a point where that is easy for both of us to do so. That’s what matters, and I hope this is a good start.

Anyways, I’d be happy to talk about this or whatever with you whenever you want—phone text email, however you like. I hope you have a great rest of your trip, and I’m excited (as well as a little nervous) to hear from you. Love you.

-XXX

toremi · 24th Jan 2012, 12:18 AM

That's really one of the best letters I have read. Very straight to the point and very confident.

I wish me and my brothers has this sort of relationship so I would be able to share with them! Best of luck with everything!

Cheers

DJNay · 24th Jan 2012, 12:25 AM

absolutely brilliant

congrats, ive yet to come out to my twin sister.

Sunsetting · 24th Jan 2012, 12:28 AM

bro, great letter. can i use this to my brother(s) and change san diego to rhode island??!?!

cscipio · 24th Jan 2012, 03:58 AM

Excellent!

Tracker57 · 24th Jan 2012, 04:03 AM

Great letter, Tesco. This takes a lot of bravery. Hang in there. We all can do it–eventually. Let's us know how your brother reacts. If it is half as good as it appears he would, this will go great.

Tracker

PS: thanks for your encouraging words to me.

Tesco · 24th Jan 2012, 04:07 AM

ya, sunsetting definitely you can if it helps! Thanks for the encouragement guys

shfh · 24th Jan 2012, 07:12 AM

Hey CONGRATULATIONS!
I wrote a really similar email to my brother. It was a little hard on him, but he told me that email was probably the best method for him. He said that in person, he wouldn't know what to do and that at least in an email he could read it a couple times to take it in and compose his thoughts. I hope he supports you as much as my brother has.

PS: It contributed to my early heart attack when I didn't get a reply right away

Hidinginalabama · 24th Jan 2012, 07:38 AM

Hey way to go man. I know how it is coming out to your brother. I have a twin so I know how you feel. And congrats on telling him. Its not something that is easy but its worth it in the end. Again congrats on taking a really big step in your life.

**EM68** · 24th Jan 2012, 07:50 AM

Congrats on telling your brother. That is a great letter. Let us know what happens.

Alex19 · 24th Jan 2012, 09:45 AM

ooooo i wanna know what he said!

thevedman · 24th Jan 2012, 10:34 AM

Awesome! Well done man, you should feel really proud of yourself!

Tesco · 24th Jan 2012, 09:03 PM

Response from bro 1:
Hi XXX,

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I wish that it could have been in person too. I love you no matter who you are or what your sexual orientation is and to be honest, this news isn't a total surprise to me even though no one has ever intimated it to me. I'm also so glad that we have gotten closer recently and cant wait to talk more when I get home. You are so special to me no matter what and I'm really happy for you that you are feeling comfortable sharing this. Do you want me to keep this to myself for now, or is it ok for me to share with others?

I love you and am very proud of you!

Talk to you soon,
XXX

Response from bro 2 (sent him a derivative of a similar email)

Hi XXX,

I cried a little when I read your email, I am just really happy that you are coming out like this. Of course I love you so much and this changes nothing about anything at all. I'm glad we live in a world where your sexuality will hopefully not hold you back from any opportunities you wish to pursue, and in fact now that you are an adult, I hope it is something that will brings you happiness and a fulfilling life. All of my gay friends are wonderful people, I have no doubt you will turn out to be the same. Let me know if there is anything else you would like to discuss with me, I have no concerns, just an abundance of confidence you are going to be happy and successful in the future. All the dumb questions like, politics and boyfriends can wait until the next time I am standing over your shoulder watching you play War3 in the dinning room

Lots of love,
XXX

Pretty awesome responses

Mlpguy88 · 24th Jan 2012, 09:24 PM

Wow that's great, I'm really happy for you. That has to be a major relief

dairyuu · 24th Jan 2012, 09:38 PM

Good job! I wish I was as courageous as that

duriru · 24th Jan 2012, 10:49 PM

Congrats! I'm glad everything went great

Tracker57 · 26th Jan 2012, 01:12 PM

Wow! What loving responses! I am so happy that your family is so accepting--especially your brothers.

Tracker

**EM68** · 26th Jan 2012, 01:17 PM

Nice responces from your brothers. Congrats!!

thecat06 · 26th Jan 2012, 01:39 PM

That's awesome!!! Congrats!!

jimL · 26th Jan 2012, 09:58 PM

You are one lucky dude to have such loving brothers. Congratulations.

24th Jan 2012, 12:02 AM	#1
Tesco Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Chicago Posts: 7 Join Date: Jan 2012	Just emailed my brother about being gay Sent him this, feels good Hi XXX, Sorry to interrupt your trip experience with this, but I wanted to write and let you know something about myself that I feel I’m ready to share with you. I would have preferred to tell you this in person, but I definitely wanted to say it before I lost the considerable courage it takes me to share with you: I’m gay. I’m not sure how much of a shock this is or isn’t, but I definitely wanted to tell you before I make this more public. Really, this doesn’t change anything about me. I still walk around in my underwear, play too many videogames, think up weird business ideas, etc. All that changes is you knowing I’m attracted to boys. I whole-heartedly believe you will be okay with this, and won’t think any differently about me. To be honest though, I did have some doubts in the past from seemingly negative comments you’ve made about gay-related stuff. I doubt you truly meant anything to be hurtful (and I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t even remember saying the things I refer to) but it did affect how comfortable I was with myself, so I wanted to let you know. That said, if you have any actual concerns, I definitely want to hear what you have to say and talk about them with you. Just so you know, Mom and Dad have known since this summer (I actually ended up telling them in the midst of our fight on the way home from San Diego, so it’s a good thing I went home. Now Natalie doesn’t have to feel bad :P), and I am telling Kevin simultaneously via a separate email. Other than that, only a few friends have really known. This has honestly been something I have known about myself and have struggled with since my early teenage years, and I will continue to struggle with it to some degree as well. Sharing with Mom and Dad and having them accept it completely, though, was very important to becoming comfortable with myself, and I hope sharing with you will have the same effect. I’m very happy and thankful to have you as a brother, and am really glad we’ve started to become closer recently. Being able to be vulnerable with people you trust, I believe, is what defines a meaningful relationship. I know it’s hard for both of us to share things and talk about ourselves, but I definitely want to reach a point where that is easy for both of us to do so. That’s what matters, and I hope this is a good start. Anyways, I’d be happy to talk about this or whatever with you whenever you want—phone text email, however you like. I hope you have a great rest of your trip, and I’m excited (as well as a little nervous) to hear from you. Love you. -XXX

24th Jan 2012, 12:18 AM	#2
toremi Resident Ginger Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bi-something, I'm not sure Out Status: like 2 ppl who know i am confused Location: Toronto Posts: 122 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay That's really one of the best letters I have read. Very straight to the point and very confident. I wish me and my brothers has this sort of relationship so I would be able to share with them! Best of luck with everything! Cheers

24th Jan 2012, 12:25 AM	#3
DJNay EC Addict Full Member Gender: Physically female but an inner-caged male Orientation: one thing is for sure- im definely gay Out Status: facebook friends and my dad Location: From Joburg, SA but now live in Brisbane, Aus Age: 20 Posts: 267 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay absolutely brilliant congrats, ive yet to come out to my twin sister. __________________ "Love is a human experience, not a political statement" ~ Anne Hathaway

24th Jan 2012, 12:28 AM	#4
Sunsetting Banned Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: bi, straight, gay Out Status: to some family and friends Location: New York Age: 42 Posts: 950 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay bro, great letter. can i use this to my brother(s) and change san diego to rhode island??!?!

24th Jan 2012, 03:58 AM	#5
cscipio Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Figuring it out Out Status: best friend, "adoptive" family, couple others Location: Kansas City Age: 34 Posts: 182 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Excellent!

24th Jan 2012, 04:03 AM	#6
Tracker57 Married Gay Man Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay to Stay: I'm a 5.5 on the Kinsey Scale Out Status: Only to 8 friends, and some family Location: Tampa, Florida Age: 54 Posts: 175 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Great letter, Tesco. This takes a lot of bravery. Hang in there. We all can do it–eventually. Let's us know how your brother reacts. If it is half as good as it appears he would, this will go great. Tracker PS: thanks for your encouraging words to me. __________________ Tracker I'm on a journey to finding the real me. I don't know where I will end up, but the trip is sure fun!

24th Jan 2012, 04:07 AM	#7
Tesco Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Chicago Posts: 7 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay ya, sunsetting definitely you can if it helps! Thanks for the encouragement guys

24th Jan 2012, 07:12 AM	#8
shfh Well Known Full Member Gender: female ... maybe Orientation: Lesbit Out Status: really, you can't tell? Location: Canada Age: 23 Posts: 204 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Hey CONGRATULATIONS! I wrote a really similar email to my brother. It was a little hard on him, but he told me that email was probably the best method for him. He said that in person, he wouldn't know what to do and that at least in an email he could read it a couple times to take it in and compose his thoughts. I hope he supports you as much as my brother has. PS: It contributed to my early heart attack when I didn't get a reply right away Last edited by shfh; 24th Jan 2012 at 07:18 AM..

24th Jan 2012, 07:38 AM	#9
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Hey way to go man. I know how it is coming out to your brother. I have a twin so I know how you feel. And congrats on telling him. Its not something that is easy but its worth it in the end. Again congrats on taking a really big step in your life. __________________ "If men could only know each other, they would neither idolise nor hate." - Elbert Hubbard.

24th Jan 2012, 07:50 AM	#10
EM68 Happily Married! :) EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out and about. Location: Stoughton, Massachusetts USA Age: 43 Posts: 4,288 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Congrats on telling your brother. That is a great letter. Let us know what happens. __________________ I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes I'm on the right track, baby I was Born This Way -Lady Gaga

24th Jan 2012, 09:45 AM	#11
Alex19 who else but me? Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: homo Out Status: I think everyone knows by now Location: New York Age: 21 Posts: 1,301 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay ooooo i wanna know what he said! __________________ "It's always darkest before dawn."

24th Jan 2012, 10:34 AM	#12
thevedman Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Guys Out Status: More people these days :-) Location: UK Posts: 131 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Awesome! Well done man, you should feel really proud of yourself! __________________ And the wind keeps rollin' And the sky keeps turning grey And the sun is setting The sun will rise another day

24th Jan 2012, 09:03 PM	#13
Tesco Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Location: Chicago Posts: 7 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Response from bro 1: Hi XXX, Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I wish that it could have been in person too. I love you no matter who you are or what your sexual orientation is and to be honest, this news isn't a total surprise to me even though no one has ever intimated it to me. I'm also so glad that we have gotten closer recently and cant wait to talk more when I get home. You are so special to me no matter what and I'm really happy for you that you are feeling comfortable sharing this. Do you want me to keep this to myself for now, or is it ok for me to share with others? I love you and am very proud of you! Talk to you soon, XXX Response from bro 2 (sent him a derivative of a similar email) Hi XXX, I cried a little when I read your email, I am just really happy that you are coming out like this. Of course I love you so much and this changes nothing about anything at all. I'm glad we live in a world where your sexuality will hopefully not hold you back from any opportunities you wish to pursue, and in fact now that you are an adult, I hope it is something that will brings you happiness and a fulfilling life. All of my gay friends are wonderful people, I have no doubt you will turn out to be the same. Let me know if there is anything else you would like to discuss with me, I have no concerns, just an abundance of confidence you are going to be happy and successful in the future. All the dumb questions like, politics and boyfriends can wait until the next time I am standing over your shoulder watching you play War3 in the dinning room Lots of love, XXX Pretty awesome responses

24th Jan 2012, 09:24 PM	#14
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 530 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Wow that's great, I'm really happy for you. That has to be a major relief

24th Jan 2012, 09:38 PM	#15
dairyuu Japan-obsessed Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Everyone I care about (minus some family/friends) Location: Los Angeles, unfortunately Posts: 119 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay Good job! I wish I was as courageous as that __________________ Aide oh Seigneur, aide les miens J'implore ta clémence, pour ceux qui n'on rien Dieu aide les exclus, les pauvres et les gueux Puisque nous sommes tous les enfants de Dieu

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26th Jan 2012, 01:39 PM	#19
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jimL I Can't Even Think Straight Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Sexy hot guys Out Status: Family, friends, work, anyone who asks!!!! Location: Oregon, USA Posts: 308 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Just emailed my brother about being gay You are one lucky dude to have such loving brothers. Congratulations. __________________ Jim Learning to love who I am! And no longer ashamed to be gay!!!!!