the thailand acknowledgement - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

toremi · 24th Jan 2012, 10:36 AM

So I think I finally decided that I may share my sexuality with one friend... evn though there is still some confusion swirling about the exact definition.

This friend in particular will be 100% supportive. We have had talks about gay rights/ our beliefs of sexuality many, many times. She has tonnes of gay/bi friends so it will make no difference there as well. She is a hugely supportive person and a great friend.

My apprehension only comes from the fact she has literally known me forever and that it is weird telling someone such a reveal on yourself. Also to add awkwardness to the whole plot she is one of my ex girlfriends best friends. I know she won't question whether or not I loved my ex though because she was there to see how very devastated I was when it ended... not by my choice I may add.

Oh yeh... And she's in thailand right now for a year -- she just left. I wanted to tell her when we skyped before she left but her parents were there and it was just not the right time. We will be skyping a fewe times within the next few months so I am going to build up the courage aka I might drink a bottle of whiskey.

Ok and other than ALL that above mentioned goobly goop there is one more fact to this story...

I believe her sexuality is in question.

I have my reasons to believe she is very much bisexual although she has never confirmed it. I feel like she might be a little lost in her own -- especially from our last conversation. Is it wrong to come out to someone who is possibly struggling themselves? Is that selfish and could that cause her issue. I guess I am picking her because I want someone to talk to but without making an announcement about something I'm not even certain of myself. Maybe it will give her someone to talk to if my suspicions are right and she needs someone?

Idk.

Also is there coming back from that. Like I am still very confused, I don't know what or who I want. But after I make a reveal there is no going back on it right? Its just a weird thought in my head that like once its done I am set and then I can't change my mind again, lol

Anyway this could be my first real step

**Jim1454** · 30th Jan 2012, 08:26 AM

Hi there! I'm also in Toronto!

I don't think it's a problem to come out to your friend if you think she might be questioning as well. As you said, she already has lots of gay friends - so they obvioulsy haven't made her feel uncomfortable. And you said that you've already had discussions about sexuality, so I think if anything she'll be more open to talking to you about it.

But don't expect her to come out when you do. And don't ask her. Let her tell you.

And is there any going back? Well it depends on how you position it. If you tell her that you're sure that you're 100% gay and wouldn't have a relationship with a woman even if you were paid $1,000,000, then it will be pretty awkward later on if you do in fact date a girl. But I think it would be reasonable to tell her that you're questioning, and that you think you're gay, and that you'll likely try dating guys for the next little while and see how it goes. I don't think you'd be painted into a corner if you put it that way.

24th Jan 2012, 10:36 AM	#1
toremi Resident Ginger Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bi-something, I'm not sure Out Status: like 2 ppl who know i am confused Location: Toronto Posts: 122 Join Date: Jan 2012	the thailand acknowledgement So I think I finally decided that I may share my sexuality with one friend... evn though there is still some confusion swirling about the exact definition. This friend in particular will be 100% supportive. We have had talks about gay rights/ our beliefs of sexuality many, many times. She has tonnes of gay/bi friends so it will make no difference there as well. She is a hugely supportive person and a great friend. My apprehension only comes from the fact she has literally known me forever and that it is weird telling someone such a reveal on yourself. Also to add awkwardness to the whole plot she is one of my ex girlfriends best friends. I know she won't question whether or not I loved my ex though because she was there to see how very devastated I was when it ended... not by my choice I may add. Oh yeh... And she's in thailand right now for a year -- she just left. I wanted to tell her when we skyped before she left but her parents were there and it was just not the right time. We will be skyping a fewe times within the next few months so I am going to build up the courage aka I might drink a bottle of whiskey. Ok and other than ALL that above mentioned goobly goop there is one more fact to this story... I believe her sexuality is in question. I have my reasons to believe she is very much bisexual although she has never confirmed it. I feel like she might be a little lost in her own -- especially from our last conversation. Is it wrong to come out to someone who is possibly struggling themselves? Is that selfish and could that cause her issue. I guess I am picking her because I want someone to talk to but without making an announcement about something I'm not even certain of myself. Maybe it will give her someone to talk to if my suspicions are right and she needs someone? Idk. Also is there coming back from that. Like I am still very confused, I don't know what or who I want. But after I make a reveal there is no going back on it right? Its just a weird thought in my head that like once its done I am set and then I can't change my mind again, lol Anyway this could be my first real step

30th Jan 2012, 08:26 AM	#2
Jim1454 EC 'Dad' EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto Age: 41 Posts: 7,449 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: the thailand acknowledgement Hi there! I'm also in Toronto! I don't think it's a problem to come out to your friend if you think she might be questioning as well. As you said, she already has lots of gay friends - so they obvioulsy haven't made her feel uncomfortable. And you said that you've already had discussions about sexuality, so I think if anything she'll be more open to talking to you about it. But don't expect her to come out when you do. And don't ask her. Let her tell you. And is there any going back? Well it depends on how you position it. If you tell her that you're sure that you're 100% gay and wouldn't have a relationship with a woman even if you were paid $1,000,000, then it will be pretty awkward later on if you do in fact date a girl. But I think it would be reasonable to tell her that you're questioning, and that you think you're gay, and that you'll likely try dating guys for the next little while and see how it goes. I don't think you'd be painted into a corner if you put it that way. __________________ Jim "It is never too late to be what you might have been."