I just came out help

[Sweetlove7049]

I just came out as bisexual and my aunt keeps telling me I am not bisexual because i never been with another guy could she be right. I had a girlfriend in the 10th grade but all i could think about was being with a guy. It also does not help when the chruch keeps going at me because i am bisexual. Which i am started to think i just might be gay because i find guys more attractive then i do women. I never liked the thought of having sex with a woman. so is it possible i could be gay. please help me i am a hot mess

[Artemicion]

Since you mention that "all I could think about was being with a guy", I'm guessing you're most likely gay and you're coming out as bisexual probably because of society and church influences. That's just bluntly putting it...

But do be critical about your own feelings. The ones that are your own and not ones that are brought out by social stigma. That might help you sort through your mess of feelings/confusion. As for your aunt, I'd say she's completely wrong. Sorry it's a bit late here and my mind is mushy after a long day, hope this helps.

[lazyboy]

I find that sometimes people make the mistake of thinking that it's the actual ACT of "being with" someone that defines your sexuality, when really it's the feelings of attraction that define it. It sounds like your Aunt is making that mistake.

For example, a straight person could choose to "be with" a hole in a tree. It doesn't change their sexuality - they're still straight. They have absolutely no feelings at all for the tree (I hope). All that would prove is that maybe they are a bit strange.

If a gay guy chooses to "be with" a woman just once, is he no longer gay just cause he slept with her? No. I'd say chances are he's still not attracted to girls.

...And is it possible to be attracted to someone and know your sexuality without having "been with" anyone? Of course, just ask any 13 year old.

So, you just have to think to yourself... who (or what) are you attracted to? Then you'll find your answer.

[Tracker57]

I'm agreeing with Lazyboy here. But even in conservative Christian denominations, there is a distinction between WHO you are and what you DO. if you haven't acted on your gay feelings yet, tell them to leave you alone and to pray for you. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women. You need support right now, not attacks. You might need to find a different church. Get to know youself. Go seek God on your own. And things will get much better soon.

Are you a virgin? Ask your Aunt, why is it someone is assumed straight when they haven't tried it out (ie had sex) and yet you can't be gay/bi until you've had sex. Sorry, the logic doesn't work.

But at this point in your life, dont worry about labels, focus on what you're drawn to.

[ArabMan]

Being gay has nothing to do with going out with girls, you simply know it. You can be gay and deny it and go out with women but deep down, the feelings are yours and only you know if you are gay or not.

Good luck facing the ignorance of your aunt (sorry, I had to write it) and listen to yourself, your feelings and who you are. Only you can tell what you feel (without having to try to be with a guy or a girl)! I send you a big hug in support of what you're going through!

[thecat06]

Be true to yourself, even when others are trying to tell you that you are wrong. I went to a very homophobic church and I had to hide myself for years. The thing is that you have to learn to not let others influence you. Yes, the church and your aunt might say that you are wrong, but you have to know that you are not.

Feel free to write on my wall if you need to talk.

[Chip]

For people like your aunt, sometimes you can get through to them by saying something like "Well, I assume you knew that you were straight before you'd been with a guy. Why would it be any different for me?"

To be honest, that sort of argument is usually a combination of denial and ignorance. She doesn't want to accept that you're gay, so she comes up with a reason that supports her belief (hope) that you're not.

And on the issue of being bi or gay, it does sounds like you're more likely gay than bi. Don't feel bad, a very large percentage of people who are gay or lesbian initially identify as bisexual because it's safer... they don't have to let go completely of the idea of being straight. But eventually, many of them realize that they don't really have any opposite-sex attractions, and so they drop the bisexual identity and accept that they are gay.

[malachite]

on;y YOU know what you are. Your Aunt is telling you this in hopes that it will go away. That flawed thinking.

Don't let yourself be brain washed.

btw, congratulations on your first step to a true, honest you!