Maybe it's a bad idea?

[LOTRgirl]

I've been toying with the idea of coming out to two of my close friends here at school. I'm one of those people who follows their gut most of the time and lately my gut has been pressuring me to talk to them and tell them my secret- that I'm bisexual. Of course, telling them would mean that this is the first time I've ever said those words out loud. I'm still having a lot of inner-conflicts about being so and there's a lot of self-hate and denial still floating around in my head, so maybe it's too soon? Should I talk to them when I'm feeling more confident in the person that I am?

I do know, though, that they would accept me for whatever I am; they've sort of already implied that. It's just, the night that I was going to tell them (I was a smidge drunk, I won't lie), one of my friends blurted out, "But things would have to change, I mean, I wouldn't undress in front of you anymore," and I don't know. That sort of stuck with me- I've NEVER thought of either of them that way before. Changing in front of them is sort of like changing in a gym locker room- you have to do it and it's no big deal. It hit me in that moment that things would be a little different if I told them.

I don't know- maybe it's to soon? What do you guys think? I'm super scared to tell anyone honestly. The reason I'm posting this in this area is because I AM going to tell my closest guy friend- he calls himself asexual and I know that he would love me no matter who I choose to love. He's told me that already and I trust him enough for things not to change. So I'll keep you all updated if and when I get the courage to do so happens, haha.

Anyway, any advice on telling friends? I'm so nervous and scared and maybe it's too soon? If only life really did have one of those "easy" buttons, haha.

[LOTRgirl]

Well, about to blurt out everything to my closest guy friend. Wish me luck!

[stumble along]

good luck!
im sure everything will be fine

[LOTRgirl]

Well, it went fine, haha. Actually, I was the one who was freaking out. I brought him into my dorm, shut the door, then he looked at me and said, "Listen, I already know what you're going to say. So go ahead." So I opened my mouth and...nothing. I froze. I've never said it out loud before. After about five minutes of nothing, I said, "If you already know...can't we just leave it at that?"

He told me no, I had to say it. It was really clear to me that I wasn't ready to verbally say it, so I asked if I could write it down and he conceded. Even that was difficult, but I eventually wrote it down and gave him the piece of paper. Then he smiled, patted me on the head, and told me he was proud of me. He really is an awesome friend, and I knew telling him would make no difference at all to our friendship. I did sit by myself for a couple of minutes just taking it all in- I know to him, it literally was not a big deal, but it was to me, so I needed a moment to breathe.

So, one person knows! I'm still working up to verbally saying it, and still working up to telling my two close friends, but it's nice that at least around one person, I can be me 100%

[seeksanctuary]

Honestly, when people say things like that, a good reply might be "would you change clothes in front of a sister? because that's what you guys are like to me, NOT dating material". If they wouldn't, fair enough, but it irks me when people who were at one time comfortable stripping and changing into something else suddenly go all "but ewww what if they're attracted to me!" Another reply is "you were fine with me being bisexual when you didn't know I was".

How so?

Well, they did it before in front of you and you didn't rape them, so why should it be any different? You were bisexual then and you are now. The only thing that changes is that they knew. Admitting you're bi doesn't mean that you are suddenly attracted to everyone you see.

Anyhow, congrats on coming out to your guy friend! I'm glad he took it well. :] If you feel you should come out to your other friends, and you feel safe doing so... it'd be a good idea. It makes sense that you're nervous though.

[silverhalo]

I think its a tough call whether or not to come out to them, it might well be that even if you do nothing will change, or it might change for a while, but once they realise that you are still the same person and you are not checking them out then they will relax back into their old ways.

[LOTRgirl]

You are both right- and I think that is exactly where my nervousness stems from- the fact that they both might be like, "OH, you're bi, well, we can't change in front of you anymore/ things are going to be different," I want them to realize that things aren't going to be like that at all, they're going to stay the same. Hopefully in the next few weeks they'll see that (because I'm guessing they have an idea of what's going on) and then I'll be able to tell them. )