Coming Out Story (Physical Violence Included)

I'm a typical American male who grew up playing football and wrestling, I was quite good at both actually. I've always been accepted by my peers and never had a problem fitting in. I have known that I am gay for a long time; I've just been afraid of letting people know because I don't want to lose my friends.

Recently issues with my sexuality, the guilt of living a lie and having to constantly hide who I am from the people I love drove me to near breaking point. For the last couple of weeks I've felt physically ill from the stress and pressure of hiding the fact that I'm gay. After seeing the story of Gareth Thomas, a gay rugby player, I finally felt that there was someone I could relate to and decided that I deserve better and shouldn't have to live a lie.

Last night I watched the UFC at a friend's house and after the fights everyone went to the bars except one of my best friends and I. We were in the kitchen drinking beers and talking about what we want out of life. I forget exactly what question he asked me, but I remembered thinking that I either had to lie to him or tell him that I am gay. I chose right then to stop lying and said, "I need to tell you something...". I then waited a minute contemplating whether or not I really wanted to tell him. He insisted that I tell him what I wanted to say, so I very bluntly said, "I'm gay...".

I don't remember exactly how the rest of the conversation went because it's an emotional blur, but he assured me that it doesn't change anything and gave me multiple hugs. We even both cried, and believe me, neither of us are "crying types" (not that there is anything wrong with crying). I told him that he is the first person I've told and he said that he was honored that I told him. So, telling him went quite well and I'm glad to have such a great friend.

A little bit later, one of my other best friends, Jeff (name changed), came home from the bars and joined us in the kitchen. Understandably, there was an unspoken emotional tension in the air. Jeff asked us what we were talking about and told him right away that I had just admitted to being gay. The problem was that he thought we were trying to play a trick on him. My friend and I kept insisting that I wasn't joking. However, he would respond with hateful remarks because he thought it was all a prank.

After being called queer and faggot multiple times I got in his face and told him that I wasn't joking and he needed to stop saying those things. To which he replied, "What, that you're a queer?". After he said that, I pushed him as hard as I could, sending him to the ground. On his way down he knocked a glass off the kitchen counter and subsequently cut his foot open. My other friend jumped in between us and broke us up. I instantly regretted getting physical and apologized.

After that, he realized I wasn't joking. He apologized profusely for saying such hurtful things. He even cried, and when I asked him why he was crying he said, "I feel horrible about the things I was saying to you...". I assured him that I knew he didn't really mean it and the three of us continued to talk about my coming while drinking beer.

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face... something I haven't done in years. Just telling two friends and them accepting me for who I am has lifted an immense amount of weight from my shoulders. I was able to watch the Super Bowl with them today without the guilt of living a lie; what an amazing feeling.

I realize that this is just the beginning of my journey, but I feel very fortunate to have such a great start. In reality, I wouldn't have started coming out if EC didn't exist, so thank you to everyone who runs and contributes to this website. You people are amazing and I can't put into words how thankful I am for what you do.

 

I'm 25 and so are my friends. To be completely honest, these were not the two friends that I would have imagined coming out to first. I thought that I might risk losing their friendship, but luckily I didn't. It is a tough thing to come to grips with, but the way I see it, if they are willing to end the friendship over something so trivial they probably aren't that great of a friend anyways.

The strange thing is that I know my immediate family will be completely cool with it, but I am absolutely dreading coming out to them. I came out to a third person last night, but he is gay and just said, "Cool!". Though I'm very new to this I'm starting to realize that building a support network of people that you can trust with your vulnerability is absolutely crucial. That way, if you do lose any friends you won't feel so alone.

If I can help you in any way or you need someone to talk things over with feel free to send me a message.