Whoops! I did it again!

I did not mean to come out to anyone today, but.....

I have a couple of really good friends that are in a sort of support group. Actually there are 4 straight married couples plus a couple of others. (I'm in the "straight" marriage thing--I'm still dealing with that one--but I digress.) He's had serious marriage issues over the past couple of years. And I am having problems, too. So we talked over lunch for a long time. We shared some very personal stuff, including my sexual non-performance issues and that I told my wife twice this week that I'm not in love with her any more. (She's seeing a counselor today, finally.) I wasn't planning to talk to him about this stuff--but the conversation was flowing easily and self disclosure was really comfortable.

I told him that I was dealing with some issues that if people knew them about me, they'd probably hate me. My heart was pounding. I told him that I've known this since I was 5 years old. I told him that I basically have NO attraction to women and that on the Kinsey scale I was a 5. His reaction was really great. He told me that he could understand my suffering for so many years, trying to hold back this secret. I told him how much energy was sucked out of me every day and how conscious I was of how I acted--my voice, my walk, how I sit, how I hold my hands--just so people wouldn't suspect. But I told him I was very happy being gay: I've developed skills over time and tolerance for others that I wouldn't have if I had been born straight. Being gay has made me a better person.

We're going to talk more, I'm sure. His son and my son are very good friends and his son and I have a close (non-sexual) relationship. My friend's therapist suggested that he get away by himself to just think. I offered a couple of places to go and to go with him--promising I'd let him have all the solo time he needed. He's thinking about it and checking his calendar. He gave me a big hug and told me, "See? I didn't react negatively. You shouldn't have been so scared." I love this guy.

Tracker

PS: And he agreed that I should not tell my wife right now. He disclosed some stuff about himself at the wrong time and really sent his wife off the deep end for a couple of years--she's still in therapy.