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I'm finally able to come out.... sort of. (please read)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by jacob07, Feb 11, 2012.

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  1. jacob07

    jacob07 Guest

    I am coming out to most of my friends and other people at school because my school is one of those schools that doesn't really care if you are gay, straight, lesbian, etc, and everyone is treated with respect. It has been easy to come out at school- just a lot of explaining to do about why I want to be a boy and why I feel like I am supposed to be a boy. But at home, it's not so easy. My mom won't accept that I feel like a boy and that when she is talking about me I want her to refer to me as "he". I keep telling her that it is "he" when she says "she", but she keeps telling me "you are a girl", but I feel like a boy, so I want to be reffered to as a boy. And I also can't come out to my aunt. She would either be like " yeah whatever your transgender. I still love you" or she'll go behind my back and say mean things about me. How should I tell my mom that I feel that I am supposed to be "he" not "she"? and any thoughts on how to tell my aunt?
     
    #1 jacob07, Feb 11, 2012
  2. Fiddledeedee

    Fiddledeedee
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    How long has it been since you told your mother? It can take months or longer for parents to accept a trans child, and very difficult to understand and become comfortable with. Maybe you could sit down with your mother and tell her that you know she is having a hard time accepting you, so you are just going to give her space for a while, including not insisting on pronouns. That doesn't mean you aren't sure about your gender, or that you are going back in the closet, just that she has time and space to work through whatever issues she has with your gender, without pressure.

    Not that I have any experience.
     
    #2 Fiddledeedee, Feb 11, 2012
  3. jacob07

    jacob07 Guest

    Thanks for the advice.

    It's been about a month since I told my mom. I'll try sitting down with my mom and not insisting on pronouns.:icon_bigg
     
    #3 jacob07, Feb 11, 2012
  4. pinkclare

    pinkclare
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like your mom isn't being completely hostile towards the idea of you being transgender, she just doesn't understand how you can be a boy when your body looks like a girl's. Education is usually the best route to take with parents like that.

    Would she be open to reading some literature on the subject if you gave it to her? The Transgender Child is written specifically for parents and family members of trans young people and has a lot of good information about gender identity and transition as well as advice on coping with the emotional part of having your child come out to you as trans.

    There are also some list servs and support groups that may help by giving her other parents to talk to. Some good trans youth specific organizations are TransActive and Gender Spectrum. Or you can try contacting your local PFLAG chapter and see if they have many parents of trans people come to group.

    Other than that, make sure you are not just correcting your mother when she uses the wrong pronoun, but really letting her know that this is something that's very important to you. Make sure she knows that you would see her using male pronouns as her showing you respect and support. Make the conversation about you and your needs so it doesn't seem like you're attacking her or demanding that she do something.
     
    #4 pinkclare, Feb 12, 2012
  5. EvangelinesLost

    EvangelinesLost
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    Well it will take a while for your family, friends and anyone that you know really well to come to terms with you being transgender. I think you should do a little research on it, to help you explain it better to her. I really hope it all works out (*hug*)
     
    #5 EvangelinesLost, Feb 13, 2012
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