Hi there, So my best friend of almost four years came out to me this evening. I could tell that he was nervous to tell me. He started by explaining how he was feeling on Valentine's Day, where he had an epiphany where he began to realize that he would never feel the same way about a woman as he does towards men. At first, he was reticent to identify himself as gay to me. (A side note: his brother came out as gay two years ago; they grew up in a conservative Christian household where being gay was not generally accepted. His brother was, fortunately and surprisingly, accepted by his parents.) But, after talking for a while longer, he became more comfortable in identifying himself. We talked for nearly an hour (which is saying something since I'm currently overseas and calls to the States are quite expensive) about sexuality and how fluid it can truly be. (Another side note: I identify as heteroflexible: depending on my life's situation, I am attracted to either men or women. Right now I'm leaning more hetero, though there have certainly been times in the recent past where I was attracted to women more than men.) I was the first person he told, which touched me. And I think that this will only strengthen our friendship. He asked me if he felt as though our friendship, up to that point, had been based on lies (for that's how he felt when his brother came out to him). I can honestly say that the fact that he is gay has no impact on the history we have together. Even still, I can't help but think about it all. Which is probably to be expected. But I would love some advice on how to "cope" (which is totally the wrong word...that makes it sound like he told me he has a terminal illness, but it's nearly three in the morning, so my English skills are a little bit rusty) with this new development (for me, at least). Any advice? Cheers.
Adjust maybe, as a better word? My friend said 'getting used to' when I came out to him, if that fits better. Just be sure that if you indicate to your friend that it might take some time to adjust, that you definitely don't have a problem with it. I think the fact that you spent that much time to talk with him about it certainly indicates that you care. And with him being nervous (and I hope that everyone can vouch for me on this one), he's certainly still coming to terms with things a little bit, particularly if you're the first person he's told. Knowing someone else close to him who's gay might help a little, but it's still quite a ride to be figuring it out yourself. That being said, just keep doing what you're doing. You sound like an awesome friend to have, by being both supportive and respectful. Make sure that when you talk about it (whether you broach the topic or not) that it stays as a very comfortable, non-issue of a topic, and be willing to listen if he needs it. That's about as much as you can do I think, and probably all he really needs.
