Hi everyone, I need some serious advice. I'm stuck in a rut . Here I go- I'm a 21 year old closeted dude...consider bisexual though I really cant justify it. I'm come to the realization I am gay when I was 19, and have really been struggling over it for quite a while. Now that I think, I have always had attractions to dudes, more more memorable than girls. It's often a pretty girl comes on to me, and I get so nervous and get in a "flee" situation making a bad situation,it sucks. I have had moments for the past year of coming out to people, though always chickened out. I have only come out to one friend, after he came out to me...though he isnt much support. I think everyone will accept me, just a bit awkward being around some of my family after hearing there ranting on gays...not harsh but far from respectful. Mostly my sister...she pretty small minded lol. Since I've been content with accepting my attraction to guys, I feel deviant enough of where I assume everyone already sorta assumes I'm gay. I went off to school last semester where I thought I would have the time of my life, though never made the jump mostly because all the dudes I lived with were homophobes and often made it awkward for me by saying stuff about gays n so on knowing I was a closet case("testing my waters"). Anyways I came back because I didnt like the school so here I am back at my hometown(and guess what, the kid that replaced my room was a flamboyant gay guy, KARMA!) Being 21, I already regretting not coming out earlier in life and experience love...I'm so sick of being alone. Pretty sure I'm depressed...but just how the heck am I going to meet dudes, who dont just want a hook-up. Oy. I live in my hometown at the moment so I cant really go all out and live comfortably. I feel as if theres no hope of meeting a guy, and I will contue being alone..Though today, I finally got to talk to this cute kid in class and was lab partners with him..awesome personality,pretty sure he finds me attractive too.. asked bout my interests, our futures, and often found our legs against each others and stuff...I still have the butterflies from it earlier today, its what made me finally seek advice from you guys on such a forum. What do you guys think? Would coming out gay to people make it easier to meet guys? Another thing I'm considering is whether to move away and live somewhere to liberal to live my life, or stay in the state and go off to college to meet dudes n stuff. Oy help!
if your education is good where u are, stay put. if your education sucks, go somewhere where the education is better but do not move solely to find guys first and education second. people will say coming out will make it easier for you to meet guys and that is true because you will be going to gay labeled events and such. however, it doesn't mean you will meet more quality guys just meet more guys. and they may or may not be quality. i suggest a delayed approached. come out to soomeone u are friends with that you may know is gay for sure. he will be able to be a friend and your gay trainer and introduce to the gayness until you get comfortable. its like a gay sponsor of sorts.
Taking advantage of education opportunities should come before dudes. Relationships are a huge distraction and often times a form of escape from more important responsibilities, regardless of if they are hetero or homo. If you disagree, go get a job at a bowling alley or the mall and stay on your toes for potential hook ups. If you want to make something of yourself, get back in school, and quick.
You're a lot like me. I'm a closeted bisexual and I really want a boyfriend but being closeted makes it so hard to find one. For you, coming out would make it easier but that should not be your sole reason for coming out. Once you come out, there's no going back so make sure that you're ready to handle being an open gay before you decide.
I do want to continue my education, though with the job market I feel pretty discouraged of spending the time and money..I know quite a few recent college grads that cant find jobs...thats why I considered holding off and see where the job market goes. I dont think I would let a relationship distract me...but then again I never had a real relationship before. I may hold off on telling people..its just I feel like I should at least tell my close friends and mom after never bringing a girl home! I also feel like sorta being a fake by not being open about my orientation. I am trying to build the courage to come out to friends for support but its difficult..I was hoping my one friend that I came out to would be more supportive but basically our friendship has drifted apart the past few years. TheAMan- cheers dude, its tough for sureee. I signed up on a4a but was a little overwhelmed by all the people messaging me...ones that were alwaysss online lol. I just wish I knew a place where I could meet other guys...I know colleges have support groups n stuff, but not my current one. And thats another thing you pointed out about coming out, Its a huge step! Cant go back! Which also makes me think if I should or not. I honestly get hooked on some girls though its more emotionally attraction than physical I think. Ive also been thinking the concept of never having kids...real bummer :/
Whoa, hold on your horses, for a second. Who says you can never have kids? I'm gay, I know I want kids of my own in the future....Whoa, did I just say that? ~ Dazes off.....~ ~Snaps out of it~ Ok, where was I? Oh, yeah. Look at Ricky Martin. Elton John. They are gay, and they have kids. You have adoption as one option. Another is surrogate parenting...Thats all I have to say...
Well I'm bisexual but I still want to marry a girl, settle down, have kids, and start a family so kids won't be a problem for me. You sound like you still like girls. Are you gay, bi, or unsure?
Having a relationship while trying to study is really a huge distraction. I've been with the same guy for two and a half years, all throughout college, and I only just realized how much of a distraction he is. I'll admit I'm an exceptionally busy college studen... I barely have time for work on top of my sport and volunteer work and I find myself rearranging my private practice schedule and skipping classes if he has a day off and can come visit me. It's a lot. But I know having my degree, even in a competitive job market, will be a much bigger benefit than a loss. If I were you I would pursue my education first. Your education and practical experience are the only things that can really give you an edge in that job market. Relationships come second, and that's rough for me to say given my personal circumstances. It's very painful saying "no babe, I can't see you this week, I have to study" but I need to because if I want to have a life in my field, with or without him, I need my degree. As for coming out, I started talking about it hypothetically with a girl I already knew was bisexual. She wasn't really out then either, but I gained confidence by being able to discuss her insecurities and eventually admitted my orientation to her. She was exceptionally supportive. It's always easiest to find someone in your same situation or someone you suspect is in your same situation and discuss it hypothetically at first, especially if you're unsure.
Just do it. Join the LGBT group at the UNI and kill two birds with one stone. It may be helpful to come out to the family after you have become self sufficient. GL.
