I sort of need a bit of advice. I've known for certain that I'm pansexual since the beginning of this year, and have known that I'm either genderqueer (leaning towards male) or male since then as well. My parents did not know this. Some of my close friends to whom I've come out talk to me often on Gmail chat, and one day I happened to be discussing sexuality with one of these friends, and mentioned several things about my own sexuality and gender identity. My mom has my email password. She checks my email often - she's a bit, er, overprotective - and happened to see this particular chat – and all hell broke loose. She's not homophobic - I had a friend who was gay in eighth grade, and she was pretty supportive of him. But apparently it's against the rules for me to be anything other than a straight girl. Well, I'm not. My mom has gone mad. She actually told my father, which I did not suspect (they aren't on good terms) and did not want (it's actually a BIG issue, since he is homo-and-transphobic.) She was vaguely familiar with the person I was chatting with, and knows that she's in a lesbian relationship. My mom has now proceeded to monitor very closely my email/chat, internet, and phone correspondence and expressly forbidden me from communicating with this friend or her girlfriend ever again. I usually talk to this friend and several others after school in the library, and my mom knows this - and quite often she comes in, gets me, and takes me out of the library and directly home while yelling at me. Ignoring the fact that I usually go to robotics club right after the library closes at 3:45. The only thing I can be thankful for is that she's impeccably polite (if a little creepy) to my friends. When my mom's feeling nice, she usually tells me something along the lines of "I don't care what you are as long as you don't engage in sexual activities till you're in your thirties" and makes references to homosexuals in everything she's talking about. When she's feeling mad, she calls me and my friends all sorts of vulgar and extremely offensive names (in three languages!) for gays and trans people and threatens to kill them in front of me and then beat me to death, and insinuates all sorts of horrible things whenever I answer a question vaguely or put off something (i.e. "What did you do at lunch today, HAVE SEX WITH ALL YOUR FA**** FRIENDS?" "No... I was at Model UN club, actually.") So, yeah, I don't really know what to do. I absolutely HATE her coming into school, because that's really the only time I can be myself. But there's nothing I can do - she won't listen to reason. I'm graduating this year, thankfully, so I hope I can adopt my real "persona" in college and drop this. And cut my hair to a "boy cut," my mom now won't let me do that either. Sorry for ranting that long (and on my first post, too.) I'm just really lost and I needed to sort of vent. Thanks for listening!
IDK, maybe explain to mom your future plans to alleviate her fear of you being sucked into the gay underworld. You sound intelligent so that should be easy. You may be drawing too many conclusions based on limited experience and friends who may not have your best interests in mind. Mom and dad are probably acting stupid and all that but try to give them the benefit of the doubt before friends and ppl on the web. One of the worst things about homosexuality is how it breaks families apart.
Yeah, true. Thanks. I'm a bit disposed against my parents, because they mostly think I'm doing it to get attention, and I'm obviously not, but I definitely understand your point. I don't know... what do other people do when this happens? Do I just deny everything? I don't know if I want to risk complete disclosure, especially since they don't know everything yet.
difficult indeed. If you are graduating soon I would almost say wait until you are out in college to disclose everything, but at the same time...now...then...whats the difference? One way sooner or later they're gonna know. And jw, it says your age is 15, and you're going to college? haha
What the hell? Make a new email address and use that one from now on. She keeps secrets from you all the time. Dont let her get away with treating you like a lesser being.
I don't understand why your mum knows your password. I could not agree more with Robert. Just make a new email address or change your password. Your mum has no right to stalk you like that. You are allowed some privacy.
@Bi_Since_Birth: True, but in college I'll be further away from whatever wrath may occur, and hopefully be in a more friendly environment. And yup, I'm 15 and going to college. I know, I'm pretty young. @Robert and Sadepeura: I've thought about that a lot in the past, but didn't want to go through the hassle of telling all my friends. The thing is, my mom was the one who set up my email account when I was a kid, so she not only made my password, she set her own email as the backup address. If I were to change my password, she'd switch it back or change it to something else to teach me a lesson, or if I were to change both I'd just get nonstop hell at home till I changed them back. I'd also feel a bit guilty, since I've pretty much been conditioned from birth into thinking that anything that I hide from my parents is wrong. Now, though, it wouldn't really be worth it, because I'm being nearly constantly watched on the computer while I’m at home (posting here is taking quite a bit of eluding) and even if I were to change my password, I wouldn’t be able to communicate through the other email address without being caught. (I’m just sort of thinking this out here.) Oh well. Thanks for the advice, though...
I think you're mother is being extremely overprotective of you. You have to remember in her mind she is protecting you. However she is invading your privacy and being disrespectful by calling you names and insulting you and your friends. I think what you have to do is remind her you are growing up and she has to allow some privacy. She might not take this too well, though, but you have to stand strong on your decision. Give it time and don't waver and slowly she may warm up to the idea. For some parents its hard to watch their kids no longer need their help. Another thing to consider is she is going through the acceptance stages just like you yourself went through discovering your sexuality. She will feel angry, deny it, bargain and finally (hopefully) accept your orientation just as you did. Hope I helped!
how do you go to college at 15!? this is seriously confusing me And I'm dating an 18 year old junior in high school....ugh I should not judge by age anymore lol
Haha, I've always been a couple years younger in school - especially in certain classes, like math, where I've always been good and therefore been a class or few ahead of my grade level. I barely notice it anymore, except for the fact that I'm noticeably shorter than everyone else.
My mom does some REALLY similar stuff. Though I'm actually using it to my advantage. See, my mom goes through my browser history. I usually clear it and give her the passwords to fake email addresses I don't actually use for anything other than trying to win free stuff. But I came up with an idea. I've been oepning a bunch of tabs on the Empty Closest homepage and stuff so that when she'll go through my history, she'll "confront" me about it. I'm not ready to go to her, but I am also ready for her to know. Basically, I have no privacy either. I don't even have my own room. So I feel for you.
