And it paid off! A few days ago I came out to my religious housemate, and it went infinitely better than I expected (or could have hoped for). Since he was the last one holding me back from being 'out' at university, I could finally progress forward with that. So, I did just that. Last night, I posted on Facebook in a closed group of friends from residence: Spoiler Friends! Unfortunately, we don't get to see each other nearly as much as we did last year. As a result, this is the easiest way to get ahold of all of you at once. So, some of you have already been told, and some of you might have figured it out for yourselves, and the rest of you don't know, but I'd like to consider this my official 'coming out', and let you all know that I'm gay. Now, I don't really treat this as a big deal, and I figured none of you would either. The reason I'm telling you this is well, to put it simply, lately I've been trying to be honest and forthright with myself and others in my life, and this is a part of that ideal (call it a resolution of sorts). And as of this posting, I am considering myself 'out' at <school>, which means it doesn't need to be treated as a big secret or anything silly like that (though, not 'out' on Facebook, as I have yet to tell my family and want to do it personally). That being said, since being 'out' is a rather new concept for me, I'm sorry if I come off a bit awkward in the near future. Don't get me wrong though; I'm definitely open to talking about it and all that, but I just have to push myself out of my comfort zone a little bit. This is new territory for me, and while I'm a bit scared, I'm more stoked than ever. Two last things: First, if for whatever reason you unfortunately aren't okay with this news, the only thing I ask of you is that you let me know, so I can be respectful of that. And second, I just want to give a quick thanks to those few of you who have really put up with all my worrying throughout all this. So, with all that said, I do sincerely hope nothing changes (for the worse at least), because all things considered I think I've stayed pretty much the same. If you're interested in hearing more about anything, or you've got questions and stuff, I'll gladly answer, so feel free to post them (or, you can message me if it's something you want kept private). - <my name> ...and I posted on Facebook in a closed group of all the people in the residence I was a leader for during Welcome Week, because I wanted to be a good role model: Spoiler Hey <rez name>! Sorry to post twice in one week, but I've got some moderately important news. As I hope you guys know, as your reps we tried our best to not just give you guys an awesome Welcome Week, but to be good role models for your transition to <school> so you can make the most of your first year. For the most part, I think I did a fairly good job, but there's one thing I missed out on (and hereby sincerely apologize for). I guess you guys can consider this my official 'coming out', since I wanted to let you all know that I'm gay. Let me give you a really condensed version of my story. I came to <school> out of a very confused summer with the mindset that there were so many other important things to worry about in first year, that I would just let my sexuality sort itself out over time. And, all things considered, it did sort itself out… the thing is, it took pretty much all of my first year for it to happen. At first, it was because I had no idea where to turn even if I did want to talk with someone. Eventually, I let my pride get the best of me and refused to seek out any support, even once I heard about some of the resources. Overall, while I made a lot of friends and had some awesome memories, when I wasn't around other people I was pretty stressed and unhappy almost all the time. It got to a point where I needed to go wander around campus for a solid hour each night with my thoughts, just to subside them enough to wind down for bed. As a result of all this, my academics did slip a fair bit, which just added more onto my plate. Evidently this was not the healthiest way to deal with the struggles I was having. So, why am I telling you guys this? I only started to come to terms with my sexuality towards the middle of this past summer, and wasn't nearly comfortable enough to be 'out' for Welcome Week (as much as I wanted to be visible). Like I mentioned above, I've regretted not being able to be the best role model I could be, and this is my way of trying to remedy that. For all I know, none of you might be experiencing anything like this, and if you aren't, then all the better. Statistically speaking though, there's 1 in 10 people that are something other than straight, so on the offchance that one of you can relate to what I wrote, then this is for you. I can't force you to do anything. And if you're questioning, or closeted, or anything of the like, I 100% understand how incredibly difficult it is to reach out for help. Even on the best of days, most of the people in the world don't like asking for help. I'm not here to tell you you need to go talk to someone, or you need to go figure this out ASAP, because for some people you may not yet be at a comfort level to approach these things. All I can do is offer my experiences and my best advice, and hope that something clicks with you to make you think that maybe it's a good idea, and maybe it might just be worth doing. On that note, I'd like to extend an invitation to anyone if they want to vent, or ask questions, or anything else, that I'm more than willing to listen. The thing is, I certainly don't have all the answers to your problems, but I can guarantee you I can listen from a place that understands to some minimal amount what it is you're feeling (and to be honest, sometimes that's all you really need, is someone who actually gets what it is you're going through). If you aren't comfortable talking with me, that's totally understandable, but here's a couple other options: - You can set up a personal counselling appointment with the <student health center> (you have to call them to set it up) - The <LGBT center> is located on the second floor of the student center. They offer a wide range of resources and media inside their office. They hold bi-weekly Newcomers Meetings, for students who are not yet out or newly out to basically hang out for an hour with people in the same boat as you. They also offer Peer Support sessions, which are 1-on-1, confidential sessions when you just need someone you can talk to. You can e-mail them about any of these (or any other questions) at <their e-mail>. And for those of you who identify as straight and are still reading this and not caring a whole lot, this bit is for you. Keep in mind that a big issue for closeted people is visibility; we worry because we can't see any of this 'community' and 'support network' built up. If there's only 1 in 10 people who aren't straight, and the majority of them are either closeted or rather average (not that there's anything wrong with being stereotypical), it's very easy to feel isolated when there's supposedly another 2200 people who are or have dealt with what you're dealing with. Do yourself and all of us a favour, and make yourself visibly supportive. I'm not saying you have to go around dressed in rainbow colours, but even something as small as wearing one of the Ally pins does a world of good for the cause. You can pick one up at no charge outside (yep, you don't even have to go in) of the <LGBT center>. It might mean nothing to you, but I guarantee you it'll make someone else's day a bit better. So, now that all that's been said, if anyone has questions, comments, or anything else that they'd like to say, I'd love to hear it. You're welcome to post below or if you're not comfortable with that, you can message me privately. And of course, if anyone wants to talk about anything they're struggling with, at anytime, I'll always be willing to listen. Hopefully someone got something valuable out of all this. And if you aren't comfortable seeking help, at the very least let it be known that you are NOT alone; remember that. Thanks for your attention guys. - <my name> (<my rep name>) Overall, the responses were awesome. Nobody said an inkling of anything negative. I couldn't have asked for anything better. Today, I woke up feeling amazing. It's not like I did anything different today than I would any other; but I went about my day with the mindset of 'it really doesn't matter who knows or not anymore'. One of the most liberating feelings I've had in a long time. I wasn't planning on telling my family anytime soon, but given how I feel now 5 days a week when I'm at school, I'm really contemplating doing it soon (like next week) so I can be officially 'out' everywhere. Soooooooooo stoked!
Hi there! Congratulations on having come this far and being out at school! Awesomeness. But keep in mind that you are riding on a high wave at the moment. Your coming out to your friend has gone better than you thought it would be, and you have received support on campus. Before coming out to your parents, or family, try to ask yourself, 'am I really ready' for this step? Do I have an idea as to how they might take it or how they might react? Would it be better to come out to my parents individually or together? Maybe before you come out, stand in front of a mirror and say out loud 'I want to come out to my parents' and see how you feel. If you feel that they would be supportive, and you feel good about coming out to your parents, I'd say give it a go.
Oh, I'm definitely aware that I'm riding off a high right now... I think I'm just trying to harness it a little to get something good done. Am I ready? I'm not quite sure. I mean, I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be, so I figure I might as well push myself to do it while I've got a little motivation. How will they take it? I'm pretty sure they'll either be supportive or indifferent... I severely doubt it'll go poorly. And if they're not going to take it well, waiting isn't going to make it any better. Do I want to come out to them? Yes, I want to, because I want to be 'out', and stop monitoring my own behaviour when I'm at home. But no, I don't really want to, because I'm nervous... just like I want to and don't want to for nearly every other coming out. It's just because it's my family, the stakes are a little more important. But again, I don't know if this is one of those things where waiting will help any. :/
