So I figured an appropriate first (second?) post would be on how I first came out. It was to my best friend. I get the feeling doing it through e-mail will be a regret I will have for the rest of my life. It starts with this best friend of mine who will henceforth be referred to as JB. I always knew I had this thing for JB, since the beginning of high school. Back in high school, and all throughout college though, that "thing" was never really given a name. It just became one of those cry-yourself-to-sleep-but-don't-know-why kind of situations. As years went on, my sense of who I am was starting to become more clear. Looking at a lot of people here, I'm actually really jealous I could never admit to myself, or anyone, that I was gay when I was in my teen years. All these years, I said JB was my best friend and yet I was still afraid to tell him. Afraid of losing his friendship I guess. It's said a lot that your real friends will accept you and you're better off without the ones that don't. That wasn't very comforting to me, honestly. Anyway, after college, JB went off to live in Germany. I don't know, maybe it was seeing LGBT issues coming up in the news over and over. And some reflecting on my life. I'm not a natural at making friends with new people and I was beginning to develop these fears that I might live the rest of my life alone forever if I don't just start coming clean with people. The next time JB came around state side, I resolved to tell him first. After all, if I don't tell him, who else can I tell? Since moving to Germany though, JB only shows himself around here about every 6 months though and, well, I got impatient. So I just shot him an e-mail to tell him. My fears ended up becoming very unfounded. His response was incredibly supportive. We're still friends and now I kind of feel like a prick for 1) doubting him in the first place because I always knew he was awesome 2) doing it over the internet when it could've been so much more meaningful in-person. Funny enough, ever since I told him, whatever "thing" I had for him has kind of faded. I mean, he's still very attractive and cool. But that longing is gone. In retrospect, maybe all I really desired was to be completely honest with him. Know that he accepted me in my entirety. Even my really annoying qualities like my obsessive dwelling on problems. This was 2 years ago. I don't know how things would've been different if his reaction had been bad. But I came out to my mother and brother in-person (my father is deceased from colon cancer not too long ago. I will forever wonder if he would've been as accepting or if he even suspected). And have been coming out to other people in-person whenever I feel the situation is right. It's nice to know there is such a thing as true friends in this world, huh?
I wouldnt beat yourself up about it, you did what you thought was right at the time. Im sure he hasnt given a second thought to the way you came out to him. I think the fact you felt like you could tell him at all means more to him than anything else.
I came out to my best friend just the other day. It was a nerve-wracking few minutes, but it went well. Glad you had the same results. I'm kind of thinking the 'That's cool. Doesn't change anything about our relationship' sort of answers are probably the best ones to get.
:icon_bigg This is the EXACT situation I had with my best friend. I told him over the telephone though. It was like a spell had worn off because as soon as I told him the truth, my feelings for him started to fade away. I think I was crushing on him because it was "safe" to do so.
Don't feel bad. The important thing is that you did it. It took me thirty years to come out to my best friend and he initially did not take it well. The good news is that after a month he did come around and he is still my best friend. Congratulations. I hope the others go as well for you.
Don't worry about it, an email is exactly the way I told my own mother, as I find it extremely hard putting things into verbal communication, I figured I'd type down my thoughts and compile them into a letter of sorts for her, you may read it on my blog if it makes you feel any better. Congratulations on coming out to him though! All the best Mimerio ~
Dont feel bad about it,at least you came out to him in one way or another. Although i personaly prefer a face to face method of telling anyone,which is just my personal choice,i would never say any other way(including email) is for losers.However anyone comes out takes alot of guts and can be a very difficult time, so as long as they get the message accross,well done to them. As time goes on,i now realise that you come out for yourself,in your own way,depending on circumstances.Whatever way you choose is fine because at the end of the day all you need to do is let the person know who you really are.
I think thats awesome, to find the courage to tell him. I agree with silverahalo, everything feels right at the time, looking back in your life, maybe you couldnt bring yourself to tell him because you had so much to lose and now coming out to him, things seemed easier to do it in an e-mail -which is fine. Seriously, dont be so hard on yourself!! Well done for coming out to him and I'm glad for your supportive friend.. exactly what you need at times
Acceptance by the best friend is by far the most empowering thing I've ever experienced. My 'campaign' to come out started with him and could have easily ended with him as well. Kudos to you for having a supportive best friend.
