I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...)

Today, I sorta came out!:eusa_clap
Well, I was feeling down (which I have been told is not the best time to come out, but I can't go back in time, and I don't actually want to, because I was really relieved by coming out!)... because, my dad has always come across to me as homo-phobic. (He uses a lot of offensive vocabulary, which I am trying to get him to stop doing- he is making an effert, but he has a lot of bad influences, and he can't get himself to very well stop cold turkey.) And, anyways, I have been really worried about coming out to him for that reason. (Also, he told me that he wishes that my sibblings and I wouldn't believe same sex relationships are right. Which we do!) But, after refusing to tell my mom what was wrong only twice- a new record for me!- I finally asked her if she could close my door, and then I preceded to tell her that I was bi. Regretabley, I told her that I only THOUGHT that I was bi. (Thus I said that I "sorta" came out.) She was really understanding thought, which I guess I kinda expected from her, and I was really glad I (sorta) told her!
But, then I worried a little. You see I know my mom. I so I worried that she would tell my dad. She and him had to go on an errand, and (as I had predicted) she talked to him about it. . Which, I wasn't as upset about as I thought I would have been. I mean, I would have loved to have come out on my own time, sure. And, It would have felt good to know that I alone had gotten up the courage to tell him. But, I don't know... maybe it was the scaredy cat inside of me, but I was kinda (almost) GLAD!!! that she told him. :eek: ... Anyways, I was really surprised, not only by how well I took it when he came to my room and I realized she had told him, but at his reaction to the news! He was actually ok with it. He said that he should be the last person to ever judge me, and that dispite the things he says, he isn't actually homo-phobic (!!!!!!!!). My only regrets are these: 1) I should have been more true to myself and left out the words "I think." (Because I think that my parents think that I am only questioning the possiblilty of my bisexuality- they don't realize yet that I know for sure that I am bi. 100%.)
2) My mom said something that I regret not correcting. She said that bi only means that you like both sexes (m and f) EQUALLY. (A common myth about bisexuality. You can prefer one over the oth., or prefer certain aspects of one gender over the other. I should have spoken up, and I should have told them that I have educated myself on bisexuality.)
Other than those 2 regrets, I am absolutely happy with how things went, and I am very much relieved to have gotten this (sorta) out! (And, I can't wait to OFFICAILLY come out- w/o using the words "I think!"

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

You are probably right about that! Thx for the insight!

---------- Post added 12th Mar 2012 at 05:25 PM ----------

It did go pretty well, despite my regrets. And I'm sure you are right about that. I think I'll know when it is time to bring it up again. thx

---------- Post added 12th Mar 2012 at 05:29 PM ----------

That is very true. You are all making me feel so much better about adding the words "I think." I feel so liberated for telling them, even if it wasn't exactly the whole thing. I know that this was just a first step, but I'm already feeling accomplished ! Thx to EC for all the sapport!

---------- Post added 12th Mar 2012 at 05:31 PM ----------

Thanks! I hope that you will come out to your parents at a time thats right for you. I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

Thanks for telling me that. I know your right, and I feel a lot better hearing it.

---------- Post added 14th Mar 2012 at 05:57 PM ----------

thanks! I still can't believe I finaly told them, even if they only know the half of it! While they could still be processing the info, I really do think that they meant what they said. About them not caring, I mean. They were very genuine about the whole thing. Still, it is a lot to take in. I'm glad you said something, because I hadn't even taken that into consideration!

---------- Post added 14th Mar 2012 at 06:00 PM ----------

Thanks!
I was pleasantly surprised by him! You know, he hasn't said a single offensive word against homosexuality since my ("sorta") coming out!!!

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

Yeah, I'm sure they do know. Or atleast, they seem to. I've been giving it a lot of thought and I know that I should have that second chat with them sooner rather than later. I just don't know how much sooner! I mean, I feel like I'll know when it is the right time, but I don't want to be unprepared when it is- I wanna know exactly what I need to say, and I wanna have some resources for info to give to them, you know?

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

I CAME OUT TO MY SISTER TODAY!!!
I was surprised, because she has told me before that she doesn't believe it exists, but she didn't tell me I was being stupid or that I was wrong. She only said that she has known for a while now. She knew the first time I told her she was ignorant for saying that it doesn't exist and that people who say they are just do so for attention. And, she knows that that is not why I call my self bi- she knows that I know that I am 100% bi and that there is no changing it- it isn't a phase; its who I am! So, it went well!

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

yeah, she is amazing.

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

I'm planning on having that second talk with my parents. My b-day is next weekend, and I want to talk to them before then. Wish me luck!

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

I AM COMPLETELY OUT TO MY PARENTS!!!
I just had that 2nd talk w/ my parents today! And, it went really well. I explained to them why I had said that "I thought" I was bi, and told them that I am actually positive that I am bi. I also cleared up their misconceptions about bisexuality! So, I let them know that I had educated myself, and I educated them a little as well. I handed them a brochure on it. (here is the link if you're bi, pan, or fluid, and want a good resource for people you come out to: bisexuality brochure pdf free ebook download from www.transcendingboundaries.org) My mom only skimmed through it while I talked to them, and then she gave it back to me, but maybe she'll want to read it later...I don't know. She did ask me how I knew (which I hear is a usual question for a parent to ask when you come out) so I said "well, if I was sitting here telling you that I was strait right now, you wouldn't ask me that." That got her thinking, and then she said "you have never had sex, how would you know?" So, I replied "a lot of people vow chasity and never have sex. Yet, most of them do know their sexuality," and I also mentioned that "there are plenty of bi people out there who haven't had sex with both men and women, but they know they're bi." That must have convinced her enough, because she stopped asking. My dad said that as long as I was happy it was fine with them. And then he left, but my mom stayed behind like she had something more to say but didn't know how, or like she was just trying to take it all in. And, then she made the most obvious point in the world. Atleast it was obvious to me; apparently, it isn't so obvious to others. This is waht she said: "There was this girl that I graduated with. I guess you could say she was bi- I don't really know; I haven't read that (she pointed at the brochure I mentioned earlier). Anyways, after we graduated, she married this guy, and she starting sleeping with this woman, because she thought it wasn't cheating- but, it is..." Here, I cut in, assuring her that I was well aware. Then she gave me a hug and left the room.
(At this point I was literaly jumping with pride and happiness at finaly coming COMPLETELY out to my parents. When you come out (if you are acceped, and all goes well) you get this feeling of pride, excitement, and FREEDOM. Its really awesome! Almost a natural high...)
My advice:
When you come out to your parents SPEAK UP the first time, and be honest, as well as informative. Your parents probably tought you a lot growing up. Well, this is your chance to teach them! Clear misconceptions and kill myths; let them know that your sure about who you are and about your sexual orientation. And, if you aren't sure, you might want to wait till you are. Taking back the words "I think", I'd imagine, is a lot easier than talking back an entirely different identity!!! (Not that your sexuality is your only identity- there is a lot more to you than that.) Just, BE CLEAR, and BE YOU!

 

Re: I just (sorta) came out (for the first time) (and to my parents- well...my mom...

Thanks. I hope that things go well for you, too- good luck!