ok this will be scary territory for me. I expect they might experience denial for a while, or they will get mad at me for having put myself through the Courage and Exodus sh*t instead of going to them for help. I NEVER told my parents about me. and I don't want my mom to know, so I'll have to tell them what my grandmother said and why I don't want Granny to know, so mom can't know until after Granny dies because mom would tell Granny. or maybe I should try to talk about this with my Grandmother. I love her to bits and it kills me to think we might always have this elephant in the room that only I can see, whenever I'm with her. anyway, today... (if he calls before I leave, he said he'd try calling me today) this 24year old ex ex gay is going to tell her dad. the real scary part for me is I'm going to have to explain why someone as stubborn as me is giving up on the ex gay thing. that means I may have to admit that I've been cutting again, and that I was suicidal in January, and that when I visiting them at christmas my arm was covered in scabs and stuff but they never noticed because I wore long sleeves the whole time... that may upset them,too, because they knew I had a problem with cutting when I was 13 and I hope they don't blame themselves for not noticing this Christmas that something was extremely off... I'll tell you all how it goes as soon as it's done. right now I'm practically swimming in butterflies because I'm so scared about this, lol... but excited to finally be open with my fam. I'll ask them not to tell my brother, because I want to talk to my brother about it myself. and then my grandparents and the rest of my dad's side of the family. wish I could tell my mother's side but that'll take a few years before I'm ready to think about that, I think...
Remember what I said to you on your message board. You've grown so much since you've started coming here. I'm proud of where you're at and I fully support what you're going to do today. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Remember, if it doesn't go as well as you hoped it would, it's not the end of the world. Some people just need time. When I told my sister I was gay, she said she'd be there for my wedding, even though she doesn't support gay marriage. I'm ok with that. She just needs time to come around to a new way of thinking. My sister knows fully what sort of guy I am and who I am as a person. Your parents will be the same way. Nothing about you has changed except your confidence and your self-esteem. You are growing as a person. Your family and friends will, in time, come to realize that. Maybe they've noticed a certain positive transition in your life and have been wondering why their beloved daughter seems so much more vibrant. Tell them it's because you love who you are. Keep us informed. I wish you the best.
I'm starting to feel like more and more of an idiot. my Dad and stepmother were like, "that's not really a surprise, no... you're 24 and you've never even really dated a guy, we figured something was up... that whole nun phase just really didn't seem like you. we're happy you're working on self acceptance now. and we still love you." and they talked to me about telling my grandmother, but it's up to me. and we talked about making my CD and had a nice conversation. and now I'm so late for choir practice that I had to beg for a ride instead of taking the bus like normal... so now I have about ten more minutes before I have to leave. so I'm posting this and then going to fix my makeup, dry my hair, and leave
OMG that is so great that your dad & stepmother are accepting & supportive for you! The ones who we love always seem to know a little bit of an idea sometimes, which makes coming out to them a bit more of a relief when you hear those words that they understand & sort of suspected anyway. Good luck with your CD too, it will be amazing I just know it!!!
