It’s been about a week now since I came out to my housemate as GenderFluid. We’ve been really close friends ever since we moved in together, and over the last few months we’ve even sort of started “seeing” each other on the down low, but nothing official; I just got out of a 2 year relationship and still have some pretty raw feelings flying around. I would definitely consider him one of the best friends I’ve ever had. We tell each other everything and there is no judgement. Although I know I have no obligation to tell anyone anything about myself; because we’re so close I felt that such a part of me should be made known. I thought about the whole thing for a week before I even brought it up and at times that was enough to send me into mental meltdown. We were chilling out before bed just talking about our days, life and all the normal stuff when I decided to come out. It felt like I was going to die from panic at the start but I got it out in the end. After a good half an hour of trying to phrase things right in a way he could wrap his head around, he just held me tight afterwards and said how happy he was that I felt that I could share something so intimate and personal with him. He didn’t say much after that, just hugged me while I let it all out, and while he didn’t fully understand everything I was saying at the time, the fact that he listened and didn’t turn away was such a relief. The next few days that followed were understandably pretty strange for the both of us as we let everything sink in properly. Sharing a house with someone you’ve just came out to even though you’re incredibly close and care for each other – can still be a really weird experience when the two of you try to resume life as it were before you mentioned it. For about three days we left each other to it; not in a negative way, just in a “I need space and time to think” way. He got concerned at one stage as to who he actually fell in love with at the beginning and about what that meant in regards to his own feelings (he’s also Bi-Curious for lack of a better word). I also had a decent chunk of time where I was under the impression life would have just been easier if I hadn’t of said anything at all, but I know full well that’s a load of bollocks. It wasn’t until last night that we actually had another chat about everything properly. He came into my room and sat down on my bed with me and asked me how I was feeling and coping with everything. We talked it all out and after 5 minutes he just fired question after question at me; Are normally more one gender over another? Does wearing guys underwear help? What does it feel like when you have to wear dresses? Is there anything that I can do/do differently to help you be more comfortable? Did your parents ever suspect anything? Having someone else ask all the questions you’ve already asked yourself is actually an amazingly therapeutic thing – to be able to say everything out loud that you’ve been holding inside for years just feels wonderful beyond words. We talked for a good hour or so and my mind and body had never felt lighter, I felt so comfortable. He’s the first person that I actually verbally expressed my GenderFluidity to; the other few people in my life that know I’ve managed to tell through very detailed emails, so it was great to physically have someone there as I laid everything bare. I still have a fair way to go, and some days are way harder than others, especially when you just can’t get comfortable in your own skin and just “existing” is hard enough – Those are the times when I’m grateful that I have such a solid support network in the friends I have told
