When I Told My Parents

Tomorrow will mark 2 months since I came out to my parents. I just wanted to share my story since I'm new here!

I had known for a while that I wanted to tell my parents. For 4 years, I had been living with this secret that I never shared with anyone. It had caused me pain, all of it in the form of depression. On the 18th of January, I finally decided that I needed to tell my parents.

For months before coming out to them, I had been talking with my friends (the first people I came out to) about how to do it, what to do, what will happen (it helps that 4 of them are gay and had gone through this). Some of them had really great advice and stories to share with me. One of them shared her deep story with me and it almost scared me back into the closet! I had also been coming here regularly, as a guest, to just read people's stories and see advice that ECer's were giving. I just knew that I had to stop lying to my parents, because I couldn't live that way.

So I began to work on something. Something to tell them when I did do it. I began typing this letter, and then stopped. I didn't want to come out to them in that form because to me, it just seemed cowardly. So I tried to come out spontaneously. But every time I reached a point where I would want to tell my parents, I just couldn't. So, back to work I went on my letter.

After about a week of working on this letter, I decided to e-mail it to my mom and dad just as I left for work. I figured, when they read this, I'll be working, and I won't have to see them until the following night because of our schedules. I was an absolute nervous wreck when I got to my job. I was nervously pacing around, my heart was racing, I became physically sick several times throughout the night. I had to sit outside of my house for thirty minutes once I got home to watch their bedroom and make sure the light went off in their room before I entered. Even the next day when I was working, I was still a wreck. Even though I was done working at 3, it wasn't until 6 when I finally left.

I open the door, take the deepest breath I've ever had to, and walk in. Within seconds, my dad comes down the stairs and hits me with the typical banter. "How was your day, how was work, etc". After answering, we just sort of stand there awkwardly for a moment. He looks me in the eye, "Chris, can I give you a hug?" For the next thirty seconds, all I can remember is breaking down and hugging my father. It was the happiest I had ever been in those 4 years of trying to figure out who I was. We talked for 2 hours about everything until my mom came home, and she pretty much gave me the same response my dad did, only she was crying too.

In the end, I can't believe that I was willing to submit to the idea of never telling anyone and living in despair. But since then, I have never been happier