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Need some help; I came out to my soon to be roommates

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by philosophy1, Mar 26, 2012.

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  1. philosophy1

    philosophy1
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So I'm the type of person that doesn't hide my homosexuality in any way, but I don't parade around and tell everyone right away that I'm a lesbian. Its beautiful when other people can do that, and I'm totally supportive of anyone who chooses that course of action, but its just not me. I feel like there are more interesting things to talk about over my homosexuality, so that's usually how I approach the issue of coming out. Basically, people will know if I'm gay if they ask me, make a wrong assumption about the gender i'm interested in, or if they see me with a girl at any point in time.
    But Im moving out soon into a new place with two completely new girls. I have no idea what the "rules" are on telling new female roommates that I am a lesbian. I don't think its fair to not tell them, move in, and have a girl over.... then they be blindsided. It didn't seem right in my eyes. So I figured I'd step out of my comfort zone, and approach them with the topic.
    The three of us met at a coffee shop to go over apartment details, and at the end they asked if I had any questions so I picked up my nerve and said; "My friend Mike mentioned to me, it might be a good idea to mention that I'm really gay". (he approached me about it first). But what really embarrassed me was the way they just sat there and smiled and nodded and didn't respond...I felt the need to say something again to try my very best to keep it from being awkward so I said "I hope it doesn't change anything, I mean its 2012, we live in Canada". (The three of us are in the age range of like 20 (me) to 24ish). Then they just laughed and repeated what I said. I could feel my face getting SOO red, I was getting more and more embarrassed, more and more self-conscious....I made the mistake of picking up my coffee cup and it turns out my hands were shaking....I have NO IDEA what hit me. I didn't think i'd react that way. I love who I am, and what I'm doing with my life, the people I surround myself with but their reactions were sort of a slap in the face.
    Finally they said it isn't a big deal, in the most awkward, sporadic, confusing way...one of them starting coughing intensely and had to get a drink. While the other changed the subject completely and asked how long Ive been playing the guitar. :icon_sad:
    It was just upsetting, and I'm trying my best to recover, but this hasn't happened to me before, and I don't know what to do or how to stop thinking about it. I just cringe and replay the scene over and over, and I don't know how to stop. So I came on here in hopes someone could help me. :help:

    any help would be awesome. Thanks for reading the long story.
     
    #1 philosophy1, Mar 26, 2012
  2. Artemicion

    Artemicion
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    I don't really have advice...but why do I think they're shocked? You might want to talk to each of them separately about the issue as they might not know of how to really reply right away or in person with everyone else around. As for the one coughing, I suspect she must of choked on saliva or something.

    Good luck!
     
    #2 Artemicion, Mar 26, 2012
  3. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    So, you said you're comfortable with it, but your actions didn't necessarily reflect it? It's just nerves. The thing is, you don't know these girls well yet. The best advice I can give is take what they say at face value: if they said it wasn't a problem, then it isn't a problem. If you knew them more, you might be able to read into their behaviour, but you don't. If you're concerned about it, just shoot them a quick e-mail clarifying that you really are okay with it, and that was out of character for some reason. I'm sure if you explain that meeting with strangers and telling your deepest secrets they'll understand if they're half-decent people. Even if you're comfortable with yourself, there's a lot of pressure telling people you just met but are going to play a fairly big role in your life, seeing as you're going to live with them. You just wanted everything to go well.

    As for their reaction, they probably changed the subject because like you don't know them, they don't know you. So they're taking your nervousness at face value and not pushing the subject. If anything, I'd say it's a good sign; it means they're being considerate of your feelings.

    I wouldn't stress over it unless they were acting and responding like jerks (though, it doesn't sound like it the way you put it). :slight_smile:
     
    #3 BudderMC, Mar 26, 2012
  4. greeneyes

    greeneyes
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    Let me just say that I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do about everything haha. Also a 20 year old. Have 3 roommates. They don't know. I'm a need to know won't deny but wouldn't run around with it on a t-shirt bisexual. I actually didn't tell my roommates because I'm not living with them next year (and it's only a couple months away from the end of my semester anyway). I'm living in a single next to one of my friends who's also in a single, and she knows and is cool with it. That said we've known each other forever.

    That is an awkward situation, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Though if that's the most awkward or comfortable it gets vis a vis coming out for you than that's good!

    I would say best to drop it right now. If you bring it up again it will be more awkward. People just need a couple days to cool off on this stuff, and they probably reacted weirdly because it was a sit-down semi-serious talk about it. If you really want to talk with them again about it I would do so one on one and say if you want to talk about it I would be totally open to it or something. Props though for sliding it into conversation with the Mike thing! A shame that your roommates aren't as slick lols. Yea and I totally agree with BudderMC that they probably don't think it's a problem =)
     
    #4 greeneyes, Mar 26, 2012
  5. phospholipase

    phospholipase Guest

    Well, if they aren't reacting badly, then they have accepted it--time to move on :king:
     
    #5 phospholipase, Mar 27, 2012
  6. CrazyAntFarm

    CrazyAntFarm
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    More than likely, they probably don't really mind. They could've just been feeding off of your awkward energy, and in turn, it made the entire situation awkward. You can thank your nerves for that, lol. Don't worry about it. I'm sure they are fine.
     
    #6 CrazyAntFarm, Mar 27, 2012
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