So I did the impossible

I finally came out to my dad today. He was the person I was most worried about. I've already told my mum and one of my sisters (and my best friend), but my dad was always the biggest questions mark.

He is from a different generation, and there is a bigger age gap between me and my dad than most father/sons. He is from a generation that tends to be somewhat casually racist/homophobic, and I have been so worried about telling him for so long.

I woke up this morning and thought (note that this is not a sudden change in mindset, more a culmination and sweeping change) I want to live for myself. I am tired of living a lie. I am by nature a anxious person who perhaps takes the opinions of others too close to heart. But you know what I thought? To hell with other people. I want everyone else on this world to be happy. Life is too short. And if everyone else can be happy, why can't I be? I want to live my life, the same as other people. I don't want to feel like life is passing me by anymore.

So I told him. I was so worried about his opinion for so long. I started shaking, my voice became very stuttery-y and I was on the verge of tears. And he was fine with it.

WTH?!! So you're seriously telling me that all of these days and hours and YEARS I was worried...for nothing?! I was seriously expecting him to not accept it. But he did. He said he was glad I told him, that if he had heard it anywhere else he wouldn't have believed it. I almost broke down in tears, and hugged him, and he hugged me back, himself almost crying. My hands couldn't stop shaking for a while.

He was more understanding than I thought he would be. And after telling him that, I feel..more happier. A lot more happier. And closer to my dad. Almost as if a weight has been lifted. I feel that if I managed to find the courage to do that, I can find the courage to do anything.

And then I realised it was April 1st...
Maybe I should have picked another day. But I laughed and told him it wasn't a joke, but he knew anyway. He said that he had known for a while (he was always badgering me about getting a girlfriend, and my response gave him some indication that I was otherwise). I think I valued my dad's opinion of me so much, that I sort of...needed his permission to be who I am? But now that I know I have his support, I can finally be myself. I don't have to act around my family anymore. I can finally just be me.

I just feel so much happier now. And I want to leave this story, and hope that it may prove useful to someone who may be in the same situation as me or at the least a reminder that people can sometimes (happily) surprise you.

 

Thanks Eleanor!

 

Cheers Lewissss, and yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Just believe!

 

Yes he told me had suspicions (which is odd because my mum said she had no idea lol, but she was supportive as well but then I sort of knew my mum would be like that).

Thank you very much. It does feel that much better that everything is in the open, and that I don't always have to be guarded now.

Also I don't have to experience that awful "dying inside" feeling I had when my dad would mention girlfriends!

 

Thanks!

Yes, I definitely think it makes it that much more of a hurdle to jump if your parent is atypically older than most parent/children age gaps. Especially if your parents are from a "certain" generation, like my dad was/is.

Hang in there! You will know when the moment is right. I did. I'm not the most forward of people by any means, in fact I'm pretty much an introvert, but I managed to build up resolve to tell him. It took me a long time. You've got support, even if you don't know it, even if it's just from this site.

And don't forget: all tunnels must come to an end, and what is at the end of a tunnel? Light. You will get there at some point, and when you do, you will be a stronger and more confident person for it.

---------- Post added 2nd Apr 2012 at 02:18 PM ----------

And can I just say, thank you to everyone who has responded to his thread. I wish I had found this site sooner, and had the confidence to post earlier (I did lurk for a bit before registering). Everyone is so supportive and great, and I am glad that my story has helped at least some people.