My relatively anti-climatic coming out story.

I had been attracted to guys since I was little. However, in my tween years (around 10 or 11) those feelings subsided and I suddenly found myself attracted to women, in what I can assume was an increase of testosterone in my body (puberty, no?). Then, at age 12, I found myself developing urges towards guys once again. At this point, I was educated in what homosexuality was, and for the first time in my life I began to ponder whether or not I was gay. I was scared s***less - I was raised a devout Protestant, and new that homosexuality was a sin that I should try to repress. I thought to myself that if I never met a guy that I would have any emotional attraction towards, I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Fast forward about a year and a half to March 2007. I'm now 14 years old, in the 8th grade. I develop a crush on a boy "Phoenix," a then 7th grader who was doing the school musical with me. Around the same time, my girlfriend of four months, Katie, breaks up with me. I'm now single and more sexually confused than I have ever been. I begin to come to grips and begin to identify as bisexual. However, I know that I could never act on these feelings, because Phoenix is "straight" *stifles laughter.*

Now it's May. Namely, May 5th. I get a call from my dear friend, Jess, that a mutual gay friend, Spencer, is interested in me. But, naturally, my friends played the straight card and kept me off-limits. I remember exactly how I felt when I heard the news - I had to do something. I couldn't let an opportunity like this pass by. By staying inside the closet, I was preventing myself from living a full, happy life.

I had to come out. There was no way around it.

"But what about the religion aspect?" I thought to myself. "Won't I go to hell if I never repent for the sin of being interested in guys, and engaging in homosexual acts?" I needed to talk to someone who could help me sort this out.

Thus, on May 16th, I came out of the closet to my youth minister, Jeff. We talked for forty-five minutes after youth group about everything that was bothering me. The moment I got home, I called my best friend, Vanessa. I wasn't planning on telling her until after 8th grade graduation, but she pestered me to the point that I came out to her as well.

Word of advice: 13 YEAR OLD GIRLS DON'T KEEP SECRETS!!!!

By the time our 8th grade field trip was over, the secret was out to a lot of my friends who I'd wanted to not know just yet. Obviously, I was very upset with Vanessa, but I was too excited that my tumultuous junior high career was finally coming to a close to actually become upset with her.

On May 31st, I told my other best friend, Katie. Then, on June 4th, my last day of 8th grade, I talked to gal pal Meghan about it (who had already been told by Vanessa).

Throughout the months of June and July, the word spread, both by me and by others. As this happened, my attraction towards girls faded away as my pituitary gland finally calmed down enough for me to get my head straight. I began to start identifying as fully-fledged gay instead of bisexual, which was, for me, a big step.

Then, on July 23rd, Vanessa outed me in front of my mom and brother.

:bang:

Needless to say, I was not pleased. However, they were both a.) not surprised, and b.) accepting, albeit a bit unhappy (as I said, we're Protestants). I refused to tell my dad myself, so my mom did it on my behalf, after my parents stopped fighting with my brother. To this day, my father and I have only talked about it once, and very briefly. I have reason to believe that he hates me because I'm gay, but has too big of a heart to kick me out. This is the only negative thing that has come out of my coming out experience.

Come mid-August, as I begin to gear-up for the start of high school, I get a call from Jess once again. "I told Nathan," she says.

:bang:

Nathan is Jess' older brother. He is a senior, and is one of the many "power gays" at our school. I knew that the moment he found out, everyone involved in choir and theater would have me pegged as the "new gay freshman," a label that I did not wish to have branded upon me so quickly, even if it is true.

Now, here we are. January 3rd (technically, 4th), 2008. A lot happened after I started the 9th grade. I met Alex, made out with Alex, went steady with Alex, and was chopped and screwed by Alex. Just about anyone who didn't know about my sexuality quickly found out, either from seeing Alex and I together, or, later, hearing me bitch about him repeatedly. I became atheist, but am now beginning to realize that God may still love me after all. I found myself sucked into and subsequently forced out of my high school's gay/fag hag community; losing and subsequently gaining back most of my true friends.

It's a lot of fuss and turmoil just because of my sexual orientation. But, in the end, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that being out of the closet has made me a stronger, more honest, more independent person. I can finally be myself, something I had always dreamed of, but thought I'd never achieve.

So what am I trying to say? If you think that you should come out of the closet, you should. It might be hard, and you might inadvertently burn some bridges, but in the end, you will be a happier person. I have no doubt.

 

Story of my life.

We're on good terms now, which I appreciate. She's matured a lot in 8 months.

Thank you all for the positive feedback!