I have to say that I struggled with the idea of sexuality for well over 5 years before I officially came out. I always had an attraction to men, but I never really knew how to explain it to myself. I always tried to force myself to like women, but I just could never do it. I never had a physical attraction and just could not get involved in a relationship with a woman because it was just not fair to her. I grew up in a very conservative household. I think that's why it took me so long to come to terms with my sexuality. I would go over to my parents' house for dinner every Sunday and inevitably there would always be some hateful-sounding joke about homosexuals. I would pretend to laugh, but it genuinely hurt. But I couldn't blame them; they didn't know about me yet. Fast forward to about a week ago. It had gotten to a point where I just wanted to tell someone, but I was too afraid. I live with my brother and his girlfriend, and the close quarters were getting to me. I had a bit too much to drink that night and after pressing me, I finally told him that I was gay. And fearing the worst from a conservative family member, he said "that's cool. whatever makes you happy." I was blown away. We talked about it and he was still cool with it. It was really liberating. With my new found confidence, I decided to come out to my mom as well. The next day, I told her when we were picking up dog food, and she said "so that's what's been bothering you, I kind of figured..." And that was that. She treated me no differently after that. I was so amazed! Now I was really on a roll! My dad was always the most daunting person to tell. I felt I never connected with him emotionally growing up. But, (to sound contradictory), we were both converting to Catholicism together, and for the first time I felt comfortable with him. When I told him (actually the same day I told my mom), his first response was "are you sure?" Then after I answered, he said "all I want is for you to be happy." And that was that as well. So far all of my closest family members had no problem with my orientation... The day after that, I decided to tell my other brother, and actually his response was very similar to my dad's ("are you sure? and then "I'm so glad you're finally happy!") I have never been so happy in my life. Literally everyone that meant the most to me fully accepted my sexual preference despite my nervousness. I think I'm still the one most uncomfortable with it!! I guess the point I'm trying to make is that every coming out story is different, and mine went much better than I had planned. So although it may seem daunting, always hold out hope. Mind you be prepared for the worst, but definitely hold out hope, and know that you will be a more balanced person for it.
Congratulations! Happy you had such great responses And like you said, getting good reactions really does help confidence
My family is really conservative too. I told my mom a long time ago so she's had some time to adjust, but my dad still doesn't know. I'm thinking of telling him when I visit them next month. He's not religious, which may make it easier, but he's still a liberal hating, Tea Party attending, Fox News watching, Glenn Beck loving guy who thinks that Obama is a Muslim from Kenya who is determined to destroy America. I've talked to him a bit about gay rights though, and he doesn't sound too homophobic, so I'm hoping it will go okay. Much like you said I've never really connected with him emotionally very much though. But it's good to hear that your family reacted so well, it reassures me a bit. I'm actually even more nervous about my uncles and aunts than I am about my dad.
I, too have conservative parents. At the time of coming out, I didn't know that. I actually would've guessed that they were the opposite. My (great) grandmother, who we live with, is a democrat. She still doesn't know about my orientation-related uncertainty. Since I found out I confessed to the two conservatives that know me best (and that I know best), I've thought about their reactions. After I told them that I was bi, they looked at me and at the floor silently. I didn't really know what I had expected. They told me not to tell any one else in the family. I haven't. At school, I had already confessed to a handful of people (in middle school). I was often asked why I am bi and I told them what it meant to me, whether I expected them to understand or not. I told them that I am as open to the idea of falling in love with a woman as I am to the idea of falling in love with a man. I also think it would be easier for me to sustain a relationship with another female than with a male. Since it was mostly in middle school, high school is my next step. Some people who knew from middle school have gradually entrusted my status in my high school peers. There is initial shock, and then they come to me to see if it's true. "Grace, you're bi?!" "Yes.." I often reply with a tone that has an ounce or two of 'but of course!' and some almost undetectable uncertainty. Sometimes I'll tell people about my girl-crushes and tell them how I am really not certain. I'm just very appreciative that my friends accept me with it rather than reject me for it. My parents kind of have less of a choice. They probably think it's some phase. I'm waiting to see if I really will end up proving them wrong/right. By the time I do, it probably won't matter to me enough, though. Congratulations to everyone who has had the strength to come out, even to the toughest audience(s).
Congrats and that's so amazing. It's so nice to have your family accept you like that. Way to go man. And congrats again.
What a great story. You know... conservative parents can surprise you. I think when they have had a chance to question it themselves and think and wonder about it before they get approached, they have the chance to go through all the stages of grief *before* they know for sure... so by the time they find out for sure, it's more of a relief than a big deal. One of my good friends has a mother who is a very devout Christian and he struggled for years at telling her. But... he brought his boyfriend over to his parents house numerous times, identifying him only as a "friend" or "roommmate", so she'd had a chance to figure it out for herself. By the time he told her, her response was "I knew it! I'm just glad you're happy!" and it was totally not a big deal. Thanks for sharing your story. It definitely helps others who are concerned to see that there can be happy endings, even in situations like yours where one might not expect it.
Congratulations Nick! Your story reminds me very much of my own struggles/family. Glad everything went ok for you!
Wow your situation was an awful lot like mine. Conservative family, Sunday dinners at your parents, homosexual jokes, family near by, somewhat uncomfortable coming to terms with yourself. I'm also living with my brother. And no matter how hard I wanted to make a romantic relationship with a woman work, it was never going to. I am also going through the wishing I could be open and honest with my family part. The only difference is I can never do what you did, because I don't believe there is any chance I could get the reaction you did. See...my family is also enveloped in the evangelical anti-gay bubble that could never allow them to accept me for who I am. So I keep to myself and grow increasingly distant from them which they are noticing. On one hand reading stories like yours makes me happy for those like yourself, but on the other...It can make me severely depressed knowing that I can never get to the same place you are. I kind of have to live vicariously through people like yourself. I hope things continue to go well for you.
I definitely identify with you, and I appreciate you sharing a bit of yourself with this little community and me. I admit that I had an advantage in that my family is not overly religious; spiritual, but not religious. I'm probably the most devout, but even then I take everything I hear with a grain of salt. I distanced myself from my family as well, and I think in one day I had 3 separate family members ask "are you ok?" I think that was the most aggravating part because I just wanted to shout "NO!" and just tell them everything, but I just couldn't, I was too afraid. But then I ruminated on it for awhile and I realized that coming out would be the only way to fully feel whole and be able to get on with my life. Note the key words I used-- me, my, I... Coming out is not something you do for your family, but you do for YOU. Note that I spent a fair amount of time (months, at least) weighing the pros and cons of coming out, and fully preparing for and accepting any negative consequences that may arise from it. But the pros far outweighed the cons, but even then I just couldn't. I had to have a little help from Jack Daniels... Don't think you can never reach the point I have been fortunate enough to attain. It always gets better, but that doesn't mean it won't take some work. You just have to remember that your life is yours to live, and not your family's, and be sure that you (at least think) that you are truly ready to come out before doing so. Good luck! -Nick ---------- Post added 6th Apr 2012 at 08:35 PM ---------- I just want to thank everyone for their kind words. It is communities like these that give us all hope! I wish that all of you lead lives filled with joy, and for those of you who aren't currently; know that it is possible, but keep in mind that you have to take the initiative because only YOU are responsible for living life as YOU see fit. Thanks again!!
